More Rumblings

Hopped up on coffee coasting to another 4 day weekend on fumes after only 4 (if that) hours of sleep last night, I've come to the realization that it's difficult to come up with 'rumblings' when you are short 2 days in the work week. But I've got a few for you:

• Carrot Top's comedy sketches were really not much to laugh at, but I'll be on my best behavior the next time I listen to one of his skits because he could easily whoop my ass.
  
• There is no way that woman whom tackled the Pope should have gotten within 10 feet of him, not just because this isn't the first time she's done it, but he has the Pope-mobile. Put his Jesus-loving ass in it!
  
• The new craze taking over my life, Blokus. Play it online in hopes of becoming as good as I am.
  
• Wanna know when you have balls of steel? THIS is when you have balls of steel.
  
• I'm about as fucking done with terrorists as you can friggin' be, Does anyone honestly think 'Allah' wants you to kill innocent people. Get a fucking Clue.
  
• I hate Nintendo Wii. I don't know why I bought it. I should have realized then that when I want to play a video game I don't want to be interactive, I want to be a drone.
  
• 50 cent is back, and I've decided he wrote this song to pay homage to a true playa (me), ya hurrr…(OK sorry that was horrible.)
  
• If you like spoofs, this is pretty good! It get's catchy.
  
• The Office is like fine wine, it only gets better with age.
  
• Thinks the characters in Avatar look like Mewtwo from Pokemon, and is precisely the reason I'm not seeing it, because the last time I played Pokemon Gold I got wiped out by a fucking Weedle.
  
• Thinks Chandler Bing and Mimi Bobeck are two of the funniest characters in all of 90's sitcoms.
  
• For some reason the most random television shows that I used to watch always pop up in my head when I write 'rumblings'. Remember: Perfect Strangers.
  
• After a lull of about 5 years or so Saturday Night Live is on the rebound and is as funny as ever with their last 5 episodes.
  

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Shame on Sox Fans.

Granted it's probably my own fault for listening, but I am damn tired of hearing Red Sox fans call up talk radio (WEEI), griping about how the Red Sox cannot compete with the offense of the Yankees. With(out) due respect, go construct your team on a video game because you clearly have no idea what you're talking about. Whether or not they get a bat (that they do in fact need), all you need to do is get in the tournament, and you have a shot. If you look at how they are constructed right now you have to say that they are better than last year.

• Better SS defense/offense
  
• Better all around outfield Defense
  
• Deeper and more improved starting pitching
  
• A full season of a productive catcher
  

These were 4 areas last year that were hampering the abilities for our team to win. Shortstop, as everyone has had beaten into their head, has been a revolving door and even though Scutaro isn't the big name that some people are secretly (or not so secretly) pining for, but the fact of the matter is he will stabilize the defense and won't be the absent presence that Jed Lowrie and Nick Green were last year. He is also a productive bat in the lineup. He won't break the bank with homers or ribbies, but he is another, "keep the line moving" guy that fits the Red Sox mold to a tee.

I don't care how Old Mike Cameron is, there are less than a handful of center fielders that get better jumps on the ball than our new acquisition. And if you want to be concerned about him running into one of the numerous nooks and crannies that are all over Fenway Park that's one thing, but his bat would equal if not exceed what Mike Lowell would give us but also add 25 steals instead of C3PO running the bases.

John Lackey was a surprise, and a brilliant move that gives you potential trade bait or just a quality group of insurance if someone is to get hurt. If he stays healthy, he's the key to Red Sox success. He will be the "#3" starter and that gives us the top rotation in baseball, and a PROVEN October pitcher. So for all you saying that the Yankees acquistion of Vazquez is equal to Lackey, remember the last time Vazquez took the mound against the Red Sox in October? I seem to recall a piss rocket (319 footer) hit for a grand slam in Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS. John Lackey just shut our team down AND the Yankees in consecutive series and is now as healthy as he has been in years. Look for 14-17 wins out of your number 3 starter, and that is not equaled by ANYONE in baseball.

Victor Martinez was acquired at the trade deadline last year and immediately became the other "heart and soul" of the team along with Dustin Pedroia, and the ghost of Jason Varitek. He will hit .300, club around 30 round-trippers, and drive in 100 runs. The backstop defense is still an issue no matter who is behind the plate, with the catchers we have on this roster. By the way I could EASILY fix Victor Martinez and his throwing woes and there will be no Rube Baker references, but unfortunately that is neither here nor there. Throw him in the 3-5 spot depending on any other free agents or trade candidates we sign and you get a legit middle of the order threat.

Is our offense still an issue? Yes. We need to re-sign Bay, OR sign Matt Holliday at the very least unless there is a trade in the works for some big name player. Jeremy Hermida is going to surprise some people this year. Calling it right now that he has 15 HRs even as a non-starter. Our bullpen, as it stands right now needs 1-2 arms, Manny DelCarmen needs to be truncated, and of the 1-2 arms needs to be a lefty. Other than that our roster is set up to win at least 95 games once again. Then your opposition has to face a trilogy of shitfests with Lester, Beckett, and Lackey in succession in the playoffs, and don't NOBODY want to face that. EVEN the Yankees.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Lay Down by the Bay and Eat Some Hay.

Like Billy Bob from Varsity Blues said in a drunken stammer, "I'm Back! Puking Rally."

While I'm hoping the need to regurgitate doesn't come up when reading this installment I am indeed back for the next 3 days and we'll have another hiatus until full-time hob-knobbing fun ensues. While it's said that the Mets are the frontrunners for Jason Bay's services in the 2010 season, but me along with Peter Gammons think he'd "rather playin Beiruit than Queens," which leaves only a few teams that are in need of a left fielder. But something tells me that Bay is going to be back in Boston, which is a good thing, but it's going to be a heavily back-loaded contract so they can stay under the cap. And as we all know that would open trade season again. I don't know exactly who that player is because Adrian Gonzalez is indeed looking more and more unlikely, but I have to believe that they aren't going to have 4 starting outfielders on their roster.

So other than people signing reclamation projects (Duchscherer and Escobar) not much happened over the long weekend, and to say that I'm surprised is sort of an understatement, but I don't have much baseball to talk about other than this. So you get to hear about the Yule Tide shitshow around my parts.

Christmas Eve. It's supposed to be the time to spread all sorts of holiday cheer. Well my car apparently didn't get the memo. Wifey pulls into the yard about 3 hours before the Christmas party with steam pouring out of the hood. Upon further inspection there was no antifreeze in the vehicle, but that would seem like an easy fix, aka pour more antifreeze into the well. Whence we arrived at the party, steam once again starts inundating the hood because now i have realized that there is no antifreeze once again and have concluded that here is a leak in a hose. So, with a few FML's and WTF's followed by half a handle of Captains I quickly forgot about it until I realized that 4 people don't fit into a 2 (occasionally 3 person truck).

Now I've been bumming rides off people like a hobo, when it's most likely a simple hose that needs to be replaced yet I'm about as automotively illiterate as Charlie Sheen is celibate. But hey let's not be a Debbie Downer, let's get to the gifts:

Best Gift: Hard Copy Edition of the inaugural season of: Bottom of the Ninth by Ryan Norton (Me!)

This was not just an innovative gift but when you are completely not expecting something from one of your dedicated readers, this is truly a great friend and even more heartfelt gift. Grade: A+

Worst Gift: A T-shirt with sideways writing saying, "I'm laughing at you while you read this with your head like that."

Really don't think this one is my kind of shirt, but it was coupled with an ass mouse pad that used the ass as a wrist rest. The ass made the gift a smidge more desirable which is precisely why I re-gifted it (Just the pad, I'm stuck with the shirt). Grade: D+.

This was a highly uneventful group of days off, could be because half the time I was in a Cheech and Chong like haze from all the rum (and no rum is not code for weed) and today I'm so physically exhausted from the first physical exertion since I tore my ACL. And to further explain to you how tired I am its like seeing Nicole Scherzinger naked and having your dick tell you, "Go Fuck yourself." Yeah, i'm that kind of Bushed.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Wednesday instead of Friday Rumblings

Today's the last day of the work week for me, and with the only potential signing being Troy Glaus potentially going to the Braves, I'd rather let the inner-workings of my brain just regurgitate onto the page here.

• A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, is in fact the stupidest "saying" I've ever heard because no one really ever says it or really knows what it means.

• Also, just a reminder, Mark Teixeira signed the day before Christmas last year, so there could be some fireworks over this long weekend, here's hoping for a Boras Special in Boston.
  
• If you pull out in front of someone you had better drive like a bat out of hell because if I have to slam on my brakes I will in fact be in your backseat.
  
• Does anyone else remember the old sneakers that everyone used to wear: LA Lights? Well Sketchers has now made their own version called the S-lights. I loved the Nineties but these new shoes look like a goddamn police car, you're better than that Sketchers.
  
• The DMV of New Hampshire and their newfound paper license as a sort of prequel to the real thing is the most infuriating "cost-cutting" measure I've ever seen. There is absolutely no way it saves money to print off the paper ones, and then have one made up at the Capitol and then mailed to your house. Asinine
  
• Lately I've really been trying to hone in my poker skills on the felt by watching heads-up matches, but I'm starting to believe the only reason I'm watching is because of the poker goddess, Vanessa Rousso. That saucy little minx.
  
• Wonders what really happened with to Brittany Murphy. Anorexia finally catch up to her?
  
• Wow, didn't realize Michael Jordan was this hard up on cash.
  
• This may actually be the finest display of vocals I've EVER heard.
  
• Watching Snooki get housed on Jersey Shore was hilarious but how did that douche bag not get his face pounded in by ANYONE before the cops got there, weak. Also, massive fail by MTV for not showing the actual clock-cleaning.
  
• Not to toot my own horn, but there is no Sudoku to difficult to me, sort of aggravating to be so damn good at everything.
  

All of ya'll have a Merry Xmas and I'll be back on Monday, with probably some alcoholically based, Clark Griswold-esque stories. So with that I guess Clark said it best, "Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Kiss my ass, Kiss his ass, Kiss your Ass, Happy Channukah."

Stay Tuned

Ryan

One inch forward, Two inches back

Just when you think that you have the edge in pitching over the vaunted Evil Empire, the Yankees go out and trade for Javier Vazquez. This will be the 2^nd go-round in the Bronx, but he is a staple for 200 innings, and really stabilizes that 3^rd slot in their starting rotation. But the problem with this is the player they traded away: Melky Cabrera. Trading Melky means that they no longer have a left fielder since they have all but severed ties with Johnny Damon. As far as I know there are 2 marquis free-agent left fielders left in the open market, and now the Yankees have an opening, but do they have the gall to go above the 5 or 6 year offer at 15-16 mil per? Odds are they do, but will they?

I'm a big believer in the underlying nature of dreams. So I would LOVE for someone to explain my latest theatrical production in my head from last night. To preface, I fell asleep last night watching this program on Sir Isaac Newton and his pursuit of being a Nostradamus-esque character by trying to find hidden clues in the bible for Armageddon (great show by the way). The style was that it sort of bounced from era to era finding the dates that Isaac Newton pegged as the critical points in the demise before the resurrection of Christ.

Now, onto the dream. It sort of started with some of the big events that I have seen in my lifetime. The first was the Oklahoma City Bombings. This was by and large the worst attack on US Soil until the Sept. 11 cowardice attacks 6 years later. And I was thrust in as the officer that pulled Timothy McVeigh over shortly after he had just set off his van in front of the building that killed over 160 people. As I was driving I noticed a car without a license plate and had no idea of the ramifications that would follow.

The next instance was the Columbine shooting. And instead of being the "hero" I was the spineless antagonist, Eric Harris. See the thing is, I was 10 when this happened and I couldn't remember the names of these guys if you tasered me, so for me to know that I was Eric Harris is very strange. All I remember from this particular part of the dream was coming into a library yelling peek-a-boo and shooting anything that moved or was attempting to be concealed. When I woke up my nose was killing me, I'm not sure why, but just for shits and giggles I looked up this ordeal and it told me that Eric Harris broke his nose from a recoil on his shotgun. Creepy.

The final thing was something that was not real. It was a complete fabrication of anything and have absolutely no idea why my mind concocted it, but I was riding in a car to go meet a still alive Michael Jackson. And I'm going down a dark, windy road (supposedly Neverland) and I pull up to the front of the palace and there are no lights almost pitch black. When I open my door and step out of the car a spotlight highlights The King of Pop sitting in a lawn chair with his hands behind his back. The next thing I recall is him moonwalking towards me and clubbing me over the head with a crowbar.

This is BY FAR the most creepy dream that I have ever had and would REALLY like for someone that has an opinion (other than my insanity) to tell me what the hell is going on in my Cabeza.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

‘Tis the Season.

Just when the gettin's good, Mike Lowell throws a bag of dog shit on our porch and lights it on fire. As much as I liked (not loved) Mike Lowell on the team I'm not even pissed off at him for not revealing his injury to the medical team. After all we know that JD Drew would have 100% sat out the rest of the season with this. And for all the time we bitch and moan about players not playing hurt (because we think we would) and Mike Lowell has now done it twice and although painful to watch he has been an absolute warrior and even though he is not the best option for THIS team whomever he signs with or gets traded to will be getting a quality player and more important a class individual.

I've also got to say that after listening to Dustin Pedroia on The Laser Show, with Mutt and Bradford, he is leaps and bounds ahead of Kevin Millar in the comedy department for the Red Sox. I'm talking Richard Pryor shit, take a listen.

Other than that there isn't much baseball but, lo and behold, I had a Christmas Party!

Now most Christmas parties consist of hugging, figuring out who's pregnant (or trying), and griping about work. Don't get me wrong everyone gripes about work. But this Christmas, it was about which ass Tiger will wax next, ridiculing mercilessly the one bad wardrobe choice at the party (rhinestones), and alcohol; buco amounts of alcohol.

First off, Tiger is an animal. That is not just an ironic statement because a tiger is in fact an animal, but Tiger is a friggin lunatic. We came to a few conclusions at the suarez and they were the following:

• Everyone that golf's (meaning the people at the party) now needs to get asked 15x if they were really Sinking Putts or Nailing Sluts.
  
• When your wife is as hot as Elin and undoubtedly with a name like Elin you probably want "it" all day long
  
• Even when you think you're the most powerful man in the world, and seemingly have the world by the balls, your wife still has you by the short hairs. Remember that one boys.
  

As far as you all know I'm the next GQ, as far as I'm dressed. But in reality I'm a Plain Jane for lack of a better term. And for family functions you will catch me in one of a few things:

Summer- Khaki Shorts, Polo shirt, and a backwards ball cap (essential with most of my outfits)

Winter/Fall- Khaki Pants, button down long-sleeve, and my square tip dress shoes (also a must because I'm not like everyone else who wears the normal pointed loafers)

Spring- Khaki Shorts, Sweat shirt, and a backwards ball cap (it seems a little counterproductive to be warm in a sweatshirt but cool in shorts, but it provides a perfect array of comfortability)

 

Now it really doesn't vary much from that. But, knowing the extended family that I was going to be partying with for the Birth of Christ I would DEFINITELY not have gone with Rhinestones. I'll give this one person credit however; he had the stones to pull it off impeccably, despite the deploring.

At most of these shindigs the alcohol flows like T-pain on a hook *spoken in my gangsta voice*, and this was no exception.

Pre-Swap

When everyone comes to the party they all make their rounds, but if you watch carefully their rounds are made strategically so that it is the most efficient path en route to the Alcohol Hutch (it's not a hutch more a cabinet with liquor on top of it but the word will suffice). All the guys come in holding massive amounts of presents and all of their wives things from the car put them down and proceed to kiss every female family member until they are within fingertips of the drinks, and then the magic happens. The uncorking, unscrewing and top-popping of alcohol and then the fun begins.

Swap Time

The Yankee Swap. This is the loudest, most fun part of the day (for the adults) and it is more alcohol infused than a party at P-Diddy's (is he still going by that?) house. There were 32 people in this year's swap and more alcohol than I had ever seen in one place other than a liquor store. We're talking handle's of Captains (mmm), a fifth of 100 Proof Captains (salivating), and a fifth of 1800 Tequila (coma) just to name a few. Everyone drinks the Captain which is unfortunate because that is my vice, Tiger has blonde's I have Aargh (get it?). So I decided to be unconventional, Theo Epstein if you will, I went with the 1800 which also came with a tub of margarita mix. I was number 11 of 32 and through 31 I was feeling pretty good about myself that I was going to leave with an ass-load of alcohol. Oh did I get the shaft. The 32^nd person to go (not the last because number 1 gets all the fun) decided that they were going to give me a local Chinese/bar gift card and take my bottle. Well see that's all well and good because I like Chinese food but fhat the Wuck, I want to closet drink damn't!

Post-Swap

This is the time where the women folk play with the children and talk about how grown up they are getting, and the men go downstairs after eating too much and refill their drinks. This is not just the casual refill. This is the one where you double your previous drink in attempt to drown out your wife's demands of playing with the kids when there is a football game on, and your just inebriated enough to not drive home so you tell her that you're sobering up so that she doesn't have to drive in the snow. Trust me gents, it works.

The family gatherings are nothing short of a phenomenal time and to cap off another year I couldn't have envisioned a better group of people to spend it with. Now, onto my family's!
I'll have a few stories for you come Xmas day.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Remember When?

On a morning that started at 4 (Oh, the joys of parenthood) when it should have been 6, twisting my knee because I stepped on a tea-lite and fell to the floor at 5:30AM, the truck wouldn't start because the gas froze, and the split lip (Thanks, Babe!) is bugging the ever-living piss out of me, do you think I'd let that get me down? If you guessed yes, you're right. But I would NEVER want to disappoint my fans who look forward to this here establishment everyday with bated breath. But there isn't much baseball stuff to go down other than the Yankees about to sign Nick Johnson to be their DH. Outloud, I'm saying, "great another productive hitter." Inside, I'm thinking, "well they'll need to go get another bat on April 5^th when Johnson goes down with a SEVERE fingernail contusion." So all I have for you today is a bunch of random thoughts about absolutely nothing of purpose. Ready?

• Is it just me or does John Hensley (or Matt McNamara from Nip/Tuck) look strangely similar to Darren Hayes of Savage Garden?
  
• Does anyone else remember LFO, BB Mak, or O-Town, because I do.
  
• The Top 3 shows from my childhood, in order, were: Captain Planet, VR Troopers, and Boy Meets World.
  
• On the Topic of VR Troopers, it wipes the floor with Power Rangers, and anyone that wants to take the opposing view had better be prepared to duel 'til the death.
  
• 3 Movies you need to see if you haven't: A Clockwork Orange, 25^th Hour, The Orphan.
  
• There's something fishy for lack of a better term about the tragedy surrounding former Bengals Wide Receiver Chris Henry.
  
• If you're bored and enjoy sports stories read this.
  
• Although I'm speculating here *smiles un-knowingly* I am floored with the prospect of reading "60 Feet 6 Inches" by Reggie Jackson and Bob Gibson after Christmas.
  
• Do the Indianapolis Colts have the proverbial "horseshoe" up their ass or what?
  
• I don't think I've ever been more captivated by a television show more than Nip/Tuck, which will tragically come to an end in March.
  
• I used to think Bill Simmons was a god-send, but he strikes me most likely as one of the ESPN Employees who can't keep their dick in his pants because of a little bit of limelight.
  
• I've talked about the peons in the bathroom (pun 100% intended) that can't just give you the appropriate head nod, but what happens when the VP of your company strikes up a conversation, mid-stream? Who's in the wrong here?
  
• Does anyone else drop what they are doing and watch The Jacksons: An American Dream, every time the goddamn thing is on?
  
• Underrated hottie of the week: Anna Kendrick.
  

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Standing on the Corner

I always try to listen to Terry Francona when given the chance, and today is no different. While listening to my favorite morning show, Dale & Holley, on WEEI I was hearing Tito profess his undying love (alright so I'm a smidge hyperbolic) for Casey Kotchman. And like the cynic I am, I started thinking about who the 1^st baseman should be, not whom it probably will be. There has been a lot of talk about big names like Adrian Gonzalez or Miguel Cabrera, but there is a Player X that could be intriguing as well. Here's some numbers for you:

	Adrian Gonzalez	Miguel Cabrera	Player X
Age	27	26	26
Contract	4.75mil in 2010	20 mil in 2010	Near Minimum
Batting Average	.277	.324	.322
Runs Batted In	99	103	84
Home Runs	40	34	25
On-Base %	.407	.396	.414
Fielding %	.995	.995	.991

Adrian Gonzalez is an elite player and with an affordable contract. Clearly the Red Sox aren't the ONLY team he's drawing interest from, and because of his salary this could be a player that creates a massive bidding war. But in acquiring him we will have to give up a lot (I'm not talking to you Clay), and he's worth EVERY Buch, or Ellsbury for that matter. See what I did there? He hit 40 HR's in the statistically worst ballpark to hit in, and if he was at Fenway he would probably hit 50 dingers, and drive in 100 RBI's for the foreseeable future. Adrian Gonzalez gets on base at a Youk-esque pace, and his defense makes him the most comparable player to Mark Teixiera. With Jed Hoyer asking for a boatload of talent, and rightfully so, it's going to be a tough sell for the San Diego fanbase so if you want this player you need to come big. To obtain him you will be looking at Buchholz, Ellsbury, Kotchman, and a PTBNL. It's steep but if you want that power 1B at an affordable price, that's the price of greatness. (I'd do it in a heartbeat by the way.)

Miguel Cabrera is the next coming (albeit a portly version) of Manny Ramirez. He hit 34 home runs in an atrocious hitter's ballpark and the only player of the 3 that drove in 100 runs. Of course when you obtain a bat like this there is some risk. The first of which is the domestic abuse. That's going to be a tough thing to sell to the Boston fans/Media and in the wake of the Tiger Woods saga (by the way, kudos for plowing Jessica Simpson) any sort of blip in the radar is going to get magnified 10,000 times more in Beantown than Motown or FLA. Second is the alcoholism. For someone that is supposed to be a leader (or atleast his contract says that) going out on a bender the night before the biggest game of the year isn't going to fly here. Third is one of the 7 deadly sins, Gluttony. He started as a shortstop but 6 years and 50 tacos per sitting later he's sitting 60 lbs heavier and at first base. Lastly, the big market move. Boston, like the other "big markets", is a media frenzy, every move you make is scrutinized, and every game has a playoff atmosphere, so he's going to need to make better life decisions. But when you look at a player like this while being this young, you have to think that he is one of the handful of players that hits for power and average. One of the surprising things for me, when I looked at these stats was that Miggy's FPCT was actually the same as Gonzalez. Because of his behemoth contract, and the declining economy, Detroit may be forced to get rid of their much maligned superstar and it will NOT be as pricey as Gonzalez. But since shedding payroll in the blockbuster that got rid of Curtis Granderson and Edwin Jackson they may not need to at all. Buchholz is the Centerpiece to ANY trade for a big bat, but you're looking at Buchholz, Kotchman, and either Josh Reddick or Ryan Kalish. OR in another trade Scenario you could trade Papelbon, Kotchman and one of your pitchers with upside in the minors. Either way they benefit greatly from it.

If you couldn't figure out by the stats Player X is Joey Votto. Joey Votto will be at or around the league minimum for the next 3 years before he becomes arbitration eligible. You may think, "25 HRs, that's not that much", but last year he lost his father and spent time away from the team and because of that, suffered some anxiety attacks. So you could prognosticate that his stats would have been closer to 30 and 100 rather than 25 and 85. His on-base % puts him in the top 10% of baseball players in that regard, and he's only going to get better. One thing working in any acquiring team's favor is that he is borderline expendable on the Reds right now. The #1 prospect in their farm system Yonder Alonso is ready for the bigs and (Surprise, surprise) he's a 1B. His defense isn't as good statistically as the others but still could develop a little more in that aspect. You could get him for Buchholz and a Bowden with a lower level PTBNL.

Hope this helps all you aspiring GM's out there. The way I look at it is that Gonzalez is a pipe dream but I wouldn't hold your breath. Cabrera is more likely than Gonzalez but all of the off-field issues should raise a red flag, but damn can this kid rake. Joey Votto is an up and comer that really would make sense in all facets of the game for the Red Sox and would seem to make even more sense than the studs like Cabrera and Gonzalez. Just sayin, ya'll.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Fielding it Cleanly

Its mailbag time again folks, but it's very difficult to have a diverse mailbag when only one person adds to the conversation. So all you guys that think I'm a dumbass or think that my baseball opinion is wrong (and I'm laughing at all of you who think that, but that's neither here nor there), then come out here and call me out? I know someone is reading this shit that I'm slinging, I guess I'm not really sure why anymore but, meh, let's do it. Money Mike (we are going to have to make you a regular on here) give it to 'em:

hey man i know with the signing of cameron that ells might be gone but why would they wanna trade the only speed they have on the base paths? 70 steals last year and the steal home was fantastic but im just saying...

 

i dont like at all the mike cameron deal its a big shot to the nuts of redsox nation...But maybe he's a trade peice for a big bat along with clay and some prospects?

 

chapmen is a guy who throws gas from the left side could you dream of a better 1-5 rotation if he is big leauge ready(beckett,lester,lackey,dice,chapmen)? i think not

 

and whats the word on guys coming to boston anything new since we had a kinda Gm talking on the phone the other night

 

First off, I'd like to say that I'm going to put the original text because I feel like it loses some of it luster and as the only person that writes in to this quagmire of a baseball hub. That being said, Mikey this is pretty elementary stuff.

• Ellsbury has game changing speed, there is no denying that. But there are a bunch of what/if's or questions if you will about his game. I don't believe that he is a poor defensive outfielder. But I do know that some of the reads that he gets on balls hit over his head or in front of him are less than satisfactory. That being said I don't know that there's a better all around centerfielder moving laterally than him but reading the ball off the bat is a skill that is very difficult to master, and Mike Cameron has perfected it. The signing of Mike Cameron has exponentially made this defense amazing. On the off chance Ellsbury stays (I'm doubting it now) aside from Seattle you have the best outfield defense in all of baseball. Also the 70 steals will be made up but in a couple different players rather than just one player. Cameron historically has swiped 20+ bags just about every year except last year which he was hampered by his manager. So you have his 20+ bags, then you have Scutaro swiping 15 bags or so, and you'll still get some steals from Pedroia, and Drew and through whomever you have in left as well. Speed isn't essential to a Championship caliber team, unless your entire team is full of 20+ SB speedsters.
  

  
   

• Originally I didn't like the deal, because I thought Cameron would be playing in a corner, and after listening to the press conference (you're going to love him by the way) it left me feeling that he would see a LOT of time in centerfield. This guy is a phenomenal teammate, an even better defensive player and he's going to hit us 20+ HR's I'm leaning more toward the 'plus' sign because of the monster in left. He hits 30+ doubles (also leaning toward the plus because of Fenway) and has 70-80 walks, that to me off sets the strikeouts that he will have. He is the complete player even at 37 years old. You don't sign a guy for almost 8 mil per season for you to just deal him away, doesn't make sense. He's going to be the starting centerfielder and I think you're looking at some sort of platoon in left with Hermida, and someone like a Xavier Nady?
  

  
   

• Chapman is a once in a lifetime talent, but he's VERY raw. He hit 100mph in the World Baseball Classic but he also allowed 4 runs in 6 1/3 innings in that very same tournament. He's barely able to drink alcohol in the states, and he hasn't pitched since last summer, and he will absolutely need time in the minors. Maybe start him off at AA and let him work with the pitching coach. For the people that call him the left handed Steven Strasburg they are overstating everything because Chapman has never had the direction that Strasburg has and that although he can throw 100 mph, he can't pitch 100 mph, ya know what I mean? But if Chapman is as good as he can be if he puts the work in, he will be in the majors probably mid year 2011 which is about the same time Casey Kelly is slotted for the Bigs…hmmm. But before you have your wet dream remember all the hype about another Cuban, Jose Contreras. He's doing big things now.
  

  
   

• I'd like to say that the talk you and I had the other night, was borderline the kind of talk I think Tiger Woods had with any one of his mistresses, as far as sexual content, even though it was about baseball. So ya'll step off because baseball is risqué. As far as I know the Sox are pulling out all the stops for Adrian Gonzalez right now, and if you're Jed Hoyer out in San Diego you laugh at all the previous offers until Theo comes at you and says here you go, you have your starting CF for the next 3 years, a potential ace in Clay Buchholz, and then you have to give them a Westmoreland, and SD really has a decision to make because when you give someone two Major League ready talents you have to seriously consider any deal that is remotely close to that.
  

  
   

That's what I got for you, As always feel free to email me ryan.norton@cision.com you could Facebook me, or twitter.com/bottomofthe9, or just leave it in the comments, I'll respond to your comments either through a post, OR right in the comment section.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Livin’ on a Prayer

What started off a normal Monday, culminated into the biggest day for Hot Stove talk in this 2009 offseason. Let's recap:

• Red Sox sign John Lackey (5 years 85 mil)
  
• Red Sox sign Mike Cameron to 2 year 15.5 mil deal
  
• Red Sox exploring extension for Josh Beckett
  
• Roy Halladay is traded in 3 team blockbuster to the Phillies, get's extension.
  
• Phillies trade Cliff Lee to Mariners for prospects
  
• Angels sign Hideki Matsui 6.5 mil-1 year deal
  

Might as well come right out and say it; Theo Epstein you sly dog. You had me thinking you were going to go for the bargain basement, and you flip it on its ear and pony up the dough for the best starting pitcher on the market. We now have 3 number 1/1A/1B to combat the endless assault in the Yankees Lineup. As the old adage says: "Good Pitching beats good hitting". This signing is in my estimation a precursor to a number of things. It gives the Red Sox leverage in the extension talks with Josh Beckett. Beckett doesn't want to go anywhere and now he is on a team that is so pitching rich that a 3 game losing streak is ALMOST impossible. This should ensure the highest level of competition for the next 5 years, but Beckett is going to get his money. And according to the Baseball Almanac his most comparable player, John Lackey. It isn't out of the realm of possibility that they give out a duplicate deal to Lackey's to Beckett and have a rotation headed by Lester for the next 4+ years. On the other side of the coin its protection. It's protection if Beckett pulls a Jason Bay and overestimates his value and wants more money than what he's worth. This could make him expendable. I love the move. Grade: A+

The Mike Cameron signing is puzzling to me to say the least. He is as predictable as baseball players come putting up 18-25 HRs every year with a .250 average and the BEST defensive Centerfielder in baseball for the last 10 years (aside from a healthy Ken Griffey Jr.). While I guess he would presumably provide what Mike Lowell would provide offensively, I don't think you get the full effect of Cameron without putting him in Centerfield. This is a sign that one of two things is going to happen: EITHER Ellsbury is getting moved to left, or he's getting traded. I'm going to lean towards him moving over to left but the prospect of him leaving is definitely in the vicinity. *I smell a prediction, more to come.* We're also paying him 15.5 over two years that is a bit alarming. Grade: B- solely because of defense, but that's just me.

As soon as I heard about Lackey becoming the newest member of the Local 9, I heard that they were looking into the cost of retaining Beckett for a few more years. This to me is the right move to do, not necessarily to re-sign him, but to see how much it would cost to keep him in Beantown. If they can keep him under their control and coupled with Lester and Lackey they will have the best rotation since Smoltz, Maddux, and Glavine. And would surely put them in competition if not a strangle hold on the top spot in the AL East for the next 5 years. Extremely smart business decision. Grade: A

Not only am I floored that Roy Halladay didn't get traded in the AL East, but he is now out of the League as a whole and is pitching in the NL. That is almost a guarantee of 3-4 more victories per year. But looking at this objectively I fail to see how this makes Philadelphia decidedly better than they were with Cliff Lee. But the three team deal is more of a money thing than people realize. The Phillies very well could have kept Cliff Lee this year in a "win now" mode but they would have only been able to recoup draft picks, instead they pick up some prospects from the Mariners to replenish their farm that was just emptied to Toronto. As great as Halladay is though, are the Phillies that much over the top with Halladay I don't see it. Not only that he just signed a 3 year 60 million dollar deal with 2 vesting options. Yowza, lots of money. They should have kept Cliff Lee then they are 100% the best team in the NL now the jury is still out and I'm very indifferent about this trade. Grade C-

The Mariners are the ultimate winners in this three team trade. They now have the BEST 1-2 punch in baseball with King Felix and Cliff "I railroaded your mother" Lee. This along with the signing of Chone Figgins makes this team the clear cut favorite for me to win the AL West and I think the Angels just successfully took 3^rd place behind the Rangers who along with a resurgent Rich Harden are going to get 2^nd place. Grade: A+

The Angels signing Godzilla spells the end of Vladdy in Anaheim. Not much to say, replacing one has been with another. Grade: D

Prediction Time:

Ellsbury is gone. Buchholz is gone. And because Ellsbury is going to be in this deal you won't have to give up Kelley or Bard, but most likely you will give up Westmoreland OR Kalish. But who's the bat that Theo is coveting right now? I've got a brainbuster for you, and I think it's Justin Morneau. It would be ill-advised for Jed Hoyer to make his first move: getting rid of the most beloved San Diego-an (said in my Ron Burgundy voice) especially when he isn't that expensive right now. Justin Morneau makes sense because of the impending Free-Agency of Joe Mauer whom as good as Morneau is Mauer is head and shoulders better. They could get a slew of youthful, affordable players and be able to sign Joe Mauer to the contract that he wants.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

A Man Among Boys

There aren't many times that I focus on the positive or the heartfelt in this blog, and maybe it's because the other day when I watched Homeward Bound and Marley & Me (Probably some sort of awkward dog fetish) in succession I was sobbing like a blithering idiot; but after reading the ESPN Farewell by Peter Gammons, one of those crocodile tears welled up in the corner of my eyes.

I have only shaken the one they call "Gammo's" hand on an idle summer day in Fenway Park. I've never gotten to ask him about his time at The Globe, or about how he got to where he is, but in my estimation there aren't many finer individuals than this guitar playin' baseball connoisseur.

Soon after my graduation from High School in 2006 (holy shit 4 years?) Peter Gammons was said to have had a brain aneurism. I remember talking to one of my friends that I graduated with and one of the bloggers at Sweaty Towels, as we laboriously slapped paint on one of the numerous houses that took up our summers. Both of us came to the conclusion that aside from players, there is no more dynamic person/personality in baseball than Gammons. Most notably in the vaunted book MoneyBall
when esteemed GM Billy Beane is doing his wheelings and dealings he rejects numerous phone calls from agents and other GM's but when Peter Gammons calls, he drops everything to pick up that call. If that's not indicative of the amount of respect and clout this man has, than I don't know what is.

For as much loathing, and hatred that I have to that knob-slobber Ken Rosenthal, I have that much admiration and man-love for Peter Gammons. He is the most thorough, knowledgeable, world-renown baseball analyst/reporter and in my mind he is the Gold Standard. This is essentially his retirement because you know that he can't leave this game, for the same reason that I can't let go of my "playing days" or the fulfillment that America's Pastime brings me. He's closer to home with the occasional trip to NJ for MLB Network and now can spend more time with his family for his remaining days. And being born in 1945 you never know…just sayin.

I want to thank you Peter Gammons, for influencing me in more ways than you could possibly imagine. I hope that once in my life that I can sit down with you even for a cup of coffee to show you how much appreciation and admiration I have for the work that you have done for the World's Greatest Game. Thank you Peter Gammons and ESPN was lucky to have such an upstanding citizen.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

 

Misinterpretation

Sometimes it's hard to wade through their verbosity and drivel but the "bridge" comments were taken out of context and I should have been smarter to pick up on Theo's subtleties. Not to say that the Tongue Lashing heard 'round the world wasn't warranted, but it should have be mostly directed towards Henry's comments rather than Theo. I should have known that he knew the same thing that I did; that this team could not be successful with Mike Lowell at third base.

The infamous "bridge" that has been so maligned was not a bridge as far as a Major League stop gap, so much as a bridge until you can get into the prospects that the Red Sox have coming up (the Kelley's, the Westmorelands, and the Kalish's). Sort of like the influx of prospects that have infused Boston in the last 5 years (Pedroia, Youkilis, Lester, Ellsbury, Buchholz, Bard) they are the future and unfortunately they are still most likely a full year away from being a major cog in our daily lives. That is the "bridge" that Theo is talking about. So once again Dan Shaughnessey, you fail.

Alright now that I got that out of the way, let's make our way around the bigs!

• The Rays just got better. The Rays just signed Soriano to sure up the back end of their bullpen and now they need a starter. If they can get a good affordable starter they will once again be a force to be reckoned with.
  
• In a strange twist of fate, I actually like what the Pittsburgh Pirates are doing. They just signed Bobby Crosby (OK that wasn't a good example) but they got rid of a lot of payroll and picked up some minor leaguers and are attempting to build around Andrew McCutcheon.
  
• While I like the Astros signing of Brandon Lyon for baseball purposes, it makes no financial sense for them to commit 15 mil to him.
  
• The Nationals are finally being an intelligent franchise. Youth will ONLY take you so far. They needed some veterans on that team and Ivan Rodriguez is someone that could really help out in that clubhouse. They are also looking into veteran starters to mentor their pups. A for effort!
  
• The uh-O's are also getting better. They didn't have that established starter in the big leagues and Millwood is a bulldog against the AL East, and I really like this deal for them.
  
• What are the Blue Jays thinking? Their fanbase is ALREADY in dire-straits and if they lose Halladay for draft picks, you could be looking at a franchise going the same way as the Expos. The deal that the Angels are offering them is phenomenal. Erick Aybar SHOULD have won the AL Gold Glove this year and Joe Saunders is a more than capable starter that is young and affordable with Big League experience. The prospect involved as well has tremendous upside. The new GM should be fired if he doesn't take this deal!
  
• I'm not sure why the Rockies are discussing extensions for two catchers so vigorously. Ianetta is better than Torrealba defensively and offensively (even after a down year) yet they are still trying to get both of them…doesn't make a lot of sense.
  
• The Giants have their toes in a bunch of different players but they NEED Uggla, and could be a silent player for Jason Bay and for the sake of watching Lincecum dominate out there for MANY years they need BOTH.
  

Well there isn't much else that I can give you right now, I need a rum-soaked, sleep-satuated, non-ACL tearing weekend. Catch ya'll on Monday.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Ask, And You Shall Receive

Maybe all it took was me pissing into the Gale Force Winds that the Yankees are blowing our way for Theo to finally listen to what I have to say. I wanted shit to get done and finally (although not official) something took place. Mike Lowell has been traded. Another tally mark on my checklist, and one more step for me becoming the GM for the Pirates (It's like getting the metaphorical key's to a Razor, when you're hoping for a Bugati.)

It almost doesn't matter what your return was, as long as it had a pulse, you had to get Mike Lowell out of town in order for this team to succeed in 2010. The player we got in return for damaged goods and 9 million dollars *shakes head repeatedly* is labeled as a catcher but he's about as good a catcher as Tiger Woods is monogamous. But the potential he has with his bat is good enough (He leads his fall league in HRs). Now, the question is, Are we just trying to free up room for a rebuilding effort like Jed Lowrie, or are we getting ready to make a mini-splash in the form of Adrian Beltre?

To me this is a no-brainer. They are signing Adrian Beltre or making some sort of a big move. If they had any faith at all in Jed Lowrie's ability to stay healthy they wouldn't have signed Marco Scutaro. Other than Nick Johnson, (and if they sign Nick Johnson I'll shave NJ into my head for a month, write it down) Adrian Beltre is the ONLY other viable option in Free-Agency with Chone Figgins shipped up to the Emerald City. Joe "I think I'm cool, but in reality I'm Dennis the Menace full-grown" Maddon went as far as to say that "he's the BEST defensive player he's seen in the history of baseball," and let me remind you he's seen Brooks Robinson. Wow, nuff said. Cross the T's, Dot the I's, get him in a uni and stick him in the 6-7 slot in the order.

To Mike Lowell, it has been a privilege to watch you (when you weren't injured) play 3^rd base. It was an honor to watch you hit in the clutch (before you were moving around like The Ghost of Blown Hips Past). And it was almost a travesty that you were a throw-in in the Josh Beckett Trade, but sorry to say that Theo Epstein was guilted by the fans (ie John "a billion dollars doesn't buy much" Henry) into a contract extension that he didn't want to give you, and now we have to eat Lugo-like money to free up your position. I thank you for your time and good luck in Arlington.

In other news the Red Sox signed a HUGE pitcher today… wait for it...John Lackey? Nope keep guessing. They traded for King Felix? Nope getting warmer. Boof Bonser, ladies and gentleman! He was outrighted to Minnesota's farm team and Boston claimed him. Great so when Wakefield goes down on May 28^th we have someone else that can give up 6 runs in 5 1/3 every fifth day. Stellar.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

A Good Old Fashioned Tongue Lashing

I'd say today is about as good a time as any for a rant. What do you think? By now all of you have heard about Curtis Granderson going to the Yankees, and I for one am enraged. Not with the Yankeees, although my hatred is fumigating through my body like tear gas, I am pissed at Theo Epstein and the bullshit John Henry is slinging.

I didn't want the Red Sox to go after Curtis Granderson, but if I did, when the Tigers ask for Clay Buchholz AND Jacoby Ellsbury I'd probably take the Tigers GM's phone and shove it sideways up his ass and say "you can take Josh Reddick and Manny DelCarmen, Felix DuBront and Junichi Tazawa", which is the same, if not better, than the deal that the Yankees just gave them. But now the Yankees have the AL All-Star Game Starting infield sans Joe Mauer, with a Gold Glove, All-Star Center Fielder. So they could realistically have 5 of the starting 9. that is the most egregious thing I've ever heard. But all that withstanding, What the Fuck is Theo doing?

Stop posturing. Stop haggling. Do something. If we show up in Fort Myers with JUST Marco Scutaro, and at the very least Jason Bay, do you really think that Red Sox Nation is going to stick around to watch the Red Sox finish in 2^nd place by 10 games? You're going to raise ticket prices for a team that WILL NOT win a Championship because of a team that knows no bounds with money. I have ALWAYS been on Theo Epstein's side as far as best GM's in the game and I will still stand by it. But with the payroll flexibility they have, although a slim free-agent market, there are players that would improve this Red Sox team, and the trigger needs to be pulled. (Not to shoot yourself, wait until the Yankees obtain Halladay through trade, then you can).

Theo can't get all the blame here however, the horse shit that John Henry is parading, about being the 16^th market in baseball is not only disheartening about the prospect of making any sort of investment this offseason, it's downright infuriating. John Henry is taking the inner-workings of Bud Selig, BUD FUCKING SELIG'S, rankings of different market's in the United States for baseball. So, supposedly one of the smartest businessmen just listened to a guy that decided that a baseball game should end in a tie? Maybe you should have graduated from college instead of leaving a few credits short and you'd realized you're an imbecile. I don't want to suggest that you're pocketing money like the Bernie Madoff, but if you're going to put forth a team that couldn't compete in the NL West, yet you can offer 100 mil TOTAL for one Daisuke Matsuzaka, you're organization is about to get railroaded by the guy from BangBros (Yikes, my corn-shooter just winced).

As they say, "It's shit or get off the pot time," now and the Red Sox can't afford to alienate their fanbase any more than they already have by combating Mark Teixeira and now Curtis Granderson with Marco Scutaro. If there is a deal on the table that is good for both the long term and the short term make it, if it costs you an extra million a year to do it, do it. I am not advocating on gutting the farm system for nobodies that are going to be one hit wonders, we need established players to give our lineup some thump, our defense some stability, and/or our pitching rotation the depth and not just depth but quality that we covet. Don't wait, Nike. (Just Do It, in case you didn't get that joke)

Stay Tuned

Ryan

The Inner Workings of My Mind

I, like any other self-respecting Red Sox fan, have been pleading, nope graveling for Theo to get a BIG bat at one of the corner positions. But, there are a few factors that have NO immediate impact on the Red Sox that tell me that we may not be in line to get a big bat. I could just be spit-balling here but if the following thoughts haven't crossed Theo's mind than I should probably take over the reins. Everything anchor's upon the Catching situation (as it should):

Victor Martinez. Should the Red Sox extend him? I don't see a reason not to, especially given his ability to play first base and play in this market. But I have 2 words for you when you think about this, Joe Mauer. He is the 2^nd best ballplayer on the planet (Albert's defense still takes the cake) and he is on the open market AFTER the 2010 season. I am also of the opinion that he SHOULD stay in Minnesota, he grew up there, was drafted there, he flat out is Minnesota in every stretch of the imagination. But if he wants to test the Free-Agent Market he IS GOING TO BE the first 300 million dollar man.

If the Red Sox want Victor Martinez to be their everyday catcher for the foreseeable future, than Mauer does not fit in Boston. But if you can try to get by with Mike Lowell for the year and have his contract (and David Ortiz's for arguments sake) come off the books, you are going to have room to offer an ass-load of cash to Joe Mauer, and then you can move Victor to first base full time.

But what does that mean for this season? Does that mean we have to go without that extra boost of offense (assuming we pay up for either Holliday or Bay) in a bopper at the corner? It would make sense to me NOT to move in on the Joe Mauer discussion. I love Joe Mauer more than any position player in baseball, even more than the immortal Albert Pujols. But the Red Sox can get better with adding multiple players for what Joe Mauer would cost on the open market.

For Starters, the Red Sox NEED to look into Miguel Cabrera. He will come at a price of .60-.75 cents on the dollar, because of his Alcohol, Weight, and Domestic abuse issues, not to mention his behemoth contract. So if we have to give up Buchholz, Lowell, DelCarmen, Reddick and a pitching prospect (Tazawa?) than that's what we should do for a player that's going to hit .320 and hit around 40 HRs and drive in 120. That's 20 mil. Then we can sign the rest of our roster for somewhere right around what it would cost for Joe Mauer.

There is one other player on the Red Sox (Sorry Mike Lowell) that doesn't deserve a roster spot come spring training on this team. That was the aforementioned Manny DelCarmen. His ERA ballooned every month higher and higher, and towards the end of the year Tito Francona would only put him into situations that it didn't matter what he did or not. His fastball is straighter than an arrow, his curveball used to have an impressive amount of bite but now is more flat than effective, and his change-up is his best pitch but when your best pitch isn't your fastball (unless you're a knuckle baller) you're a horseshit pitcher.

Out of the Box-

No one EVER suspects ANY of the HUGE moves that Theo and Co. have done over the years so here's a couple names to think about just to add a little fuel to the fire.

Justin Morneau-You would think that this is an absolute no-no for the modern day version of the "M&M Boys", but the Twins cannot afford to lose Joe Mauer, and as good as Morneau is, Mauer is better. He's the face of their franchise, and Morneau could be had with a hefty package of prospects and major league ready talent. He just signed a 6 year 80 million dollar contract and if that came off the books, the Twins could pay WHATEVER Minnesota wants.

Prince Fielder- Fielder is also someone that could be obtained with the right combination of players, talent, and cash could pry him away from Milwaukee. He's not a small man, but it's not for lack of trying (he's a vegetarian) but the guy can flat out rake, and his defense has gotten better.

Carlos Pena- Yes, it's within the division, but the Rays are always trying to shed payroll and obtain young players. Pena's defense is Gold-Glove worthy and the Rays need pitching.

There aren't many 3^rd baseman that either don't have a team-friendly contract whom are wrapped up for a long time, or have a nasty contract, or are very poor defensively. So unless another team has a lapse in judgment, the Red Sox could ONLY obtain a legit First Sacker rather than a hot corner inhabitant.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Hell Just Froze Over

If I were in front of Theo, I would pull out a line from the Chris Tucker blockbuster, Rush Hour (okay that was an over-statement), but " Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?" We've already gone over the facts, that he's old, he has an OBP of below .350 for his career and while his defense is good, it is just barely positive (0.9) in UZR ratings. I obviously, don't like the signing, and I will be the first to eat my words if he comes anywhere near his numbers from a year ago, but I don't see it happening, and I have to wonder if this move is a precursor to something bigger.

On a team like the Red Sox versatility is a MAJOR point of emphasis (see: Youkilis, Kevin), and I am still holding out that this is a precursor to a big move. This could be complete nothingness on my part but with Scutaro being a better fielding 2^nd baseman than a Shortstop and also having the capability to play 3B and LF, he could become a more cost efficient, Mark DeRosa-type player. This could still leave the door open for dealing for a Bopper to put at the corners.

The only good thing about this deal was the monetary value of the deal. He seemingly took less money to be here for 2 years with an option year; at 5 mil per both years, with a 6 mil team option, and a 3 mil player option but with a twist that probably should have gone on in Jason Varitek's current contract, a buyout option for 1.5 mil. I commend you for that, and here's to you completely putting a giant foot in my ass, but I'm pretty sure my slandering will be more than praising over your tenure here. Just sayin.

This move has now made one more player expendable, Jed Lowrie. I'm going to start off by saying that he has NO value on the trade market other than for a voucher at the local Food Stamp station, but now he has no spot on this roster IF Scutaro is used as a Super-Utility, and could be one piece that is moved in a trade. At this point in time, if the Red Sox are trying to find lightning in a bottle like they did with Bill Mueller and Kevin Millar in '03, I don't think Marco Scutaro and Jeremy Hermida are going to cut it.

As a fan, and ass-hat blogger, if this is all the Red Sox do this offseason, it is an utter fml-fest. If your answer to Mark Teixeira is Marco Scutaro, you deserve to get brutally maimed by Tiger Woods from behind. This is why I refuse to believe that the Red Sox are standing pat through the winter meetings. If the Red Sox want that sellout streak to continue they had better invest in someone that strikes fear in the opposition. It doesn't matter who it is. But something needs to be done.

The major question I have is: Why does Seattle all of a sudden have all this money to throw around at Jason Bay and Chone Figgins, whom they are said to be the front runners for both, when Felix Hernandez is nearing his first go at Free-Agency? It could be a ploy to convince him that they are dedicated to winning in the long run, and if they sign both Bay and Figgins, and acquire another pitcher somehow, I will pick them to conquer the VERY winnable west.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Fielding it Cleanly: Vol. I

It's that time again folks. When you've chimed in with your questions and I will give you the most intelligent, in-depth, accurate answer regarding your Boston Red Sox and baseball in general. This shout out goes to one of my dedicated readers, Money Mike. Mike Wrote:

1) if pedroia goes to ss and he's solid why not get a guy like orlando hudson(who hit .357 and had 35 doubles and plays hard d) or belliard who after the trade deadline in 09 had an ops 1.034 and is nasty in the field(few other names wanna throw at you are fellipe lopez,adam kennedy,polanco from detroit?)

2) our line-up could look like this ells,pedroia,youk,v-mart,holliday(or bay), drew,one of my already mentiond 2b, and lowell(or beltrea) your thoughts

3) dude we need a big bat or power pitcher we gotta shit or get off the pot bromontana(halliday or gonzo) gotta get one or the other for the winter ends or spring training begins your thoughts?

4) i know its just a rumor about hanley comming back or the sox having interest in him but it isnt likely in my mind is it

5) what about uggla comin in, in a possible trade that would be good DP and uggla up the middle?

 

halla at me

 

Your wish is my command Mike, this is me 'halla'ing.

1. With regards to Pedroia going to short, the Red Sox are going to exhaust ALL options before moving their Gold Glove 2^nd Baseman to the other side of the diamond. That being said, the options are pretty much exhausted. Scutaro, as I've been screaming at the top of my lungs, is NOT a viable option here. But you need to understand that in moving Pedroia to SS you ARE going to lose some range, mostly in the hole, not so much up the middle. I say not so much up the middle because I do think they are going to sign Orlando Hudson who is THE BEST fielder out of the 5 2^nd sackers that you mentioned. Ronnie Belliard is not as "nasty" in the field as you're proclaiming (.981 FPCT vs .986 for Hudson). Belliard is 3 years older than Hudson. He doesn't run the bases as well as Hudson. Belliard hasn't played more than 100 games since '07 either. Hudson is the all-around best 2^nd baseman on the market and it has just been rumored today that they are VERY interested in him. To add a little bit more giddy-up to this rumor the Dodgers didn't offer him arbitration, so this won't cost the Sox a draft pick either. Felipe Lopez has a better bat than glove but the Red Sox need to get better on Defense while adding a productive Bat. With that logic it rules Adam Kennedy out, because his OBP is less than .350 year in, year out. From all reports Polanco is about to sign a 3-year 18 Mil deal to play third base for the World Series runner up Phillies.
   

   
    

2. While most of the players are correct in your lineup I'm pretty sure Victor Martinez is going to be hitting 3^rd, with Holliday or Bay hitting cleanup, Youkilis in the 5-Hole, Ortiz (rebound year for big papi, and by rebound I mean he's going to hit .270), Lowell can't bat 9^th if he's on the team and either could Beltre they would be in the 7 hole. Followed by Drew (who thrived in the 8 slot) and then having Hudson as the 2^nd leadoff in the 9 hole. I still believe you have to get rid of Mike Lowell but Scott Boras knows this as well and will ABSOLUTELY use this against the Red Sox in negotiations, so I'm feeling apprehensive that he will be on the roster come March.
   

   
    

   
    

3. I agree with you, as evidenced by EVERY blog I've written for the last 3 weeks. As much as I want to see Gonzo here (and trust me I'm getting a rise in my Levi's just thinking about it) it's not going to happen now. San Diego has EVERY right to ask for our top 4 prospects (Buchholz, Bard, Kelly and Westmoreland) plus and not limited to Casey Kotchman and probably more players. Even a small market struggling team like San Diego can afford his contract and he's still young enough that, with Jed Hoyer running the team, they can build around him much like the Nats are trying to do with Zimmerman, and the Pirates will do with McCutcheon. The more I think about it the more it makes sense to deal for Miguel Cabrera. As good as he is he won't command as much as Gonzo would because of the obelisk that is his contract (due another 128 mil for 6 years). If the Red Sox offer to take the entire contract the Tigers, will almost have no choice but to take a lesser deal. As far as power pitching, to deal for Halladay you are essentially signing him up for a long term contract at close to 20 mil a year. I posted this link, the other day, but you obviously didn't see it. It really opens your eyes to the regression of pitchers. Why would you do that when you could deal for someone like, say, Josh Johnson? He'd presumably cost less in terms of prospects, and you're looking at someone who is the same age as Jon Lester, and a creepy spitting image of Beckett on the mound.
   

   
    

4. I don't see Hanley coming back here until he hits free Agency at the earliest, and with Jose Iglesias in the minors having a Roberto Alomar-esque glove from Shortstop, if his bat comes around we're looking at not needing him. Also, it doesn't make sense for the Marlins. He's their franchise player and one of the top 5 ALL-AROUND players in all of baseball. Not only that but like A-Gonz, he's relatively affordable for the next few years. You'd have to gut the farm for him like you would if you were to obtain Adrian Gonzalez. I don't see it.
   

 

1. Uggla is a one trick pony. He can mash, that's about it. He doesn't hit for average. Doesn't get on base. And he fields about as well as Daniel Stern and Joe Peschi break and enter into MacCauley Culkin's house. He has stone hands around the bag, and you already said that Hudson was coming here so you should just take that thought and put it in the 'That was dumb' box and throw it in the ocean.
   

   
    

That's about all I got for ya'll today folks, as always if you have thoughts, concerns, criticisms, and questions send 'em in. Either in the comments, via Twitter, Facebook, or email you'll ALWAYS get your questions answered. I can't promise that I'm going to deem your questions intelligent but that's a battle for another day.

 

Stay Tuned

 

Ryan

Business Sense

When Billy Wagner tried to play hardball with the Red Sox by "threatening" to accept arbitration, the Red Sox gave him a much needed middle finger when they did in fact offer arbitration, and in turn protected their investment with the addition of two draft picks in the upcoming draft. The Red Sox did the smart thing by taking the risk and making the arbitration offer, and hopefully they will do the same thing with regards to the Jason Bay/Matt Holliday negotiations. If you have been living under a rock or just aren't very good with math, the Red Sox would stand to gain more draft picks IF they sign Holliday than if they sign Jason Bay. With a farm system that isn't so much depleted, as it is in a rebuilding cycle, which would be the best thing for them is to get the draft picks that teams will have to give up when signing Type-A free agents.

In other AL East action the Rays are going balls out this offseason with trades and wheelings and dealings. They recently acquired Kelly Shoppach from the Indians, and I'll be honest that scares the bejeezus out of me. He's another power bat to that youth infused, powerful, dangerous lineup. The Rays are going to try and be for real without spending Jack, scary ain't it? This one move doesn't make them that scary, but they are trying to swap Pat Burrell for Milton Bradley and having Chicago eat some of the cost. You may be thinking, "Milton Bradley essentially just shit the bed last year with the Cubs." I'll agree, but some players are NOT big market players, (See: Pavano, Carl and Brown, Kevin). If that's not excuse enough he's a year removed from hitting over .320, over 20 homers, and more than 75 RBI, to think that he has hit an irreversible wall would be borderline obtuse. Also the manager/scenery change could be the most important reason that I think he will rebound to have a VERY good season if I were to speculate (I'm not one to do that am I?) I'd say he's gonna hit .310 18HRs and 75 RBI again. If Bradley can add the dimension that Burrell was supposed to the Rays will once again be a SCARY team to deal with.

On some unrelated side notes; I had the shit scared out of me the other day. I'll preface by saying I LOVE scary movies but I was borderline petrified the other day for the first time since I had seen the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre about 10 + years ago. The Orphan, (please don't laugh at me) was for some reason, in a hyphenated word, spine-tingling. I'm not going to ruin anything for you but the girl used in this movie was reminiscent of Chuckie, mixed with the intellect of Hannibal Lector, and presumed innocence of that Pepsi Girl. The movie was less predictable than most horror films, and as a bonus it didn't include those awkward looking "scary" beings from The Grudge or The Ring. Overall I'm giving this movie an A for horror factor.

Alright I'm done scaring the pants off you and will now hand you something funny. About 3 weeks ago I watched one of the funniest skits I'd seen on SNL since Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan left ( I realize the Old timers are shaking their canes at me screaming, "BELUSHI"). I'm like to take an active role in politics, national and local, and this is absolutely one of the most accurate, comedic things I've ever had the pleasure of watching. For your viewing pleasure, I give you: A Masterpiece. I also want to note that the translator looks strikingly like Vanessa Lengies.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

“Short”stop: The Underestimation

"Don't forget about the little people", "Big things come in small packages", and "a little bit goes a long way" are all ways to basically say that the small things in life are usually the best kept secrets. Now the Red Sox are really going to be reaching but could hit it big if the diminutive Dustin Pedroia can make a seamless transition to the other side of second base as the 2010 Opening Day Shortstop for the Boston Red Sox. The Red Sox, like myself, realize that investing anything more than one year for Marco Scutaro is another shortstop shitshow waiting to happen. But I'm here to give you the lowdown on whether to move him OR keep him at second.

Pros-

• He's willing to do it and has played the position before ( All-American at ASU as a SS)
  
• He's a "dirt-dog" and you know his defense isn't going to be an issue
  
• The Free Agent market for 2^nd baseman is MUCH more plentiful than SS (Phillips, Hudson, Derosa)
  

Cons-

• Why mess with a good thing (Gold Gove 2^nd baseman)
  
• We don't know if his arm is strong enough to make the throw in the hole
  
• Everything is unknown: Pedey playing SS at big league level and the incoming 2^nd baseman in Boston.
  

I want to believe that Dustin can make this transition flawlessly but you have to wonder if his aspirations are bigger than his abilities. Dustin is going to be the Captain of this team when Jason Varitek retires and you want your captain to be the "rock" that will "take one for the team" or move positions for the betterment of the team. I'm about 75% thinking that he can do it, and 25% thinking he's just the Little Engine That Could.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

A Schisty Move

I realize I told ya'll that I'd post if something big broke, but I am still in shock with the douchebaggery that the Blue Jays pulled around Turkey Day. I only call it douchebaggery because it severely hindered the Red Sox off season plans, but in reality it was a brilliant move that will maximize the amount of return they will get in their shortstop search. When the Jays signed Alex Gonzalez (and his .299 OBP) it left us with only one viable option. That unfortunate option is one much-maligned Marco Scutaro. Now with the adversity of having to sign an aging shortstop, we are going to have to give up two draft picks, provided the Blue Jays offer him arbitration. So as they say let's "put another quarter in the merry-go-round" in the revolving shortstop door, and let's now lose two draft picks as well. Just to be clear are only other SS options are: Khalil (baseball makes me cry because I'm mentally weak) Greene, Orlando ( I slept with Keith Foulke's wife) Cabrera, and the oft injured Bobby Crosby.

Once again, this is my blog, and I reserve the right to print retractions at any time. As much as Clay Buchholz aggravates me, the only way we get rid of him is for a YOUNG pitcher. While Doc may have an IMPRESSIVE resume, work ethic, and preparation habits, here's some numbers that may pique your interest. Basically what this is saying is that, the only pitcher AFTER the age of 32 that has thrown as many innings/pitches as he has and had any improvement on the stats over his next 4 years is Bob Gibson. And while Doc Halladay could very well be a first ballot hall of famer, he doesn't dominate a game with sheer power like Gibson did, and when a pitcher that relies on movement and deception of pitches more so than power, if any of that starts to depreciate you could be in for a decline in goods. I'm not going to bet against him AT ALL for being the outlier that goes against all the numbers and performs well into his late 30's, but the numbers say that it will be a steep hill to climb.

Now who would I be if I didn't offer an alternative to get bolster this staff. As good as Clay Buchholz is, he's not the face of this franchise going forward but the Marlins are a team that likes to get the most out of their cost efficient players and then trade them to either boost their farm system or acquire more "cheap" players until their value went up. But I have the solution much like I always do. It's Josh Johnson. The Marlins, said that they won't trade him but they can't sign him to an extension for some reason, and what better person to replace Beckett than a reincarnation of Commander Kick Ass himself. If you call up Florida and tell them we'll give you Buchholz as a top tier uncostly pitching prospect, Casey Kotchman as a cheap major league experienced first baseman (they'll want him with the departure of Nick Johnson) plus two double-A players one pitcher one position player probably including Josh Reddick.

And in an attempt at an assassination ( how's that for alliteration?) my friends over at Sweaty Towels decided to fire off a warning shot in my small town's Alumni Basketball game by throwing an errant pass and with my vertical leaping ability ( you could almost slide a credit card underneath the bottom of my feet)I came back down only to hear a pop, and feel shit crunch around inside my knee. Well your valiant attempt to take over the blogosphere was thwarted and better luck next time. My ACL may be tore up but my spirit can't be broken… (…winces in pain…well played sir.)

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Hal-y Shit

With another Nostradamus moment seemingly within the Red Sox grasp, they are "pulling out all the stops" for Roy Halladay. I couldn't agree more that this move is the RIGHT move. For all of you saying that Clay Buchholz is "the future" I say in your general direction, that you're an asshat, and Jon Lester is our future. Clay as I have stated NUMEROUS times is only 7 months younger than our beloved, Adonis Jon Lester, and he has shown NOTHING that Jon Lester hasn't already done. Ability to pitch in big games? Check (The verdict is still out in my mind on Buchholz). Thrown a no hitter? Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. And being a lefty? Oops only Jonny takes the cake there. Simply put: He's expendable (if/and only if you get a pitcher in return).

Halladay has said he will not re-sign in Toronto, he is almost to the point of demanding a trade, and he has made public that the Red Sox are one of a handful of teams he would waive his full no-trade clause for. He is notoriously known for his pre game preparations, between starts regimen and off-season workouts; so staying healthy won't be a problem even though he will turn 33 in May of 2010. You could have one of the 3^rd (Lincecum, Hernandez are 1-2) best right handed pitcher on your staff, AND the best lefty in the American League. (Only reason he doesn't get the Major Leagues, is because Cliff Lee would probably shit down my throat, just for not giving him the edge.) Also, to the Yankee fans, Lester takes the cake over CC because of age, contract, and overall non-douchebaggery (see: "I'm not in it for the money"). And to put it bluntly if Josh Beckett is your number 3 starter, you are well positioned to have the best starting staff ERA in all of baseball.

For all of my dedicated followers, I will return (unless something huge breaks) Monday because of the Turkey-induced coma that will be crashing down on my head VERY soon. The abundance of Rum in my system in the next 24 hours as well could potentially have bearing on the aforementioned coma, but I digress. Here's hoping that Thanksgiving will once again bring us MANY JOYS (Remember Curt Schilling? Josh Beckett?) Yup, Thanksgiving trades. I'm thankful for all the readers' that love the idiocy that I seem to spit out on a daily basis and here's to more of the same after the hiatus.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Mauer, Miggy, and J-Bay

Was it even a question that Joe Mauer would win the AL MVP? I guess it was for that Seattle Reporter who voted for Miguel Cabrera just for the sake of going against the grain. Don't get me wrong, Cabrera's season was by all accounts very good. But no one is honestly going to tell me that he meant more to the Tigers, than Joe Mauer did to the Twins. The Twins would have finished below .500 without him and not even come close to that pivotal 163^rd game, he won an unprecedented 3^rd batting title as a catcher for crying outloud. For all of you simpletons that believe shortstop is the most difficult on the diamond, this backstop is telling you to fist yourself. It is the most physically demanding position on the diamond and to have the stamina and fervor that he shows day in and day out is in itself an MVP worthy task. This guy is hands down the best all around player in the American League. He won a Gold Glove this year, and deservedly so, yes that was a dig at Derek Jeter. It's not going to be good for baseball if he leaves the Twin Cities, but if he were to hit the Open Market, does anyone else doubt he would get more money thrown at him than Alex Rodriguez?

Speaking of Miguel Cabrera, he is now one of the latest, Motor City starting nine to be put on the block. And although Ken Rosenthal seems to think you can get him for remnants left over on the pan from cooking spaghetti, the Red Sox could obtain him for most likely less than what it would take to obtain Adrian Gonzalez. But with his .300 average, 30 dingers, and 100 ribs, you're getting an albatross for a contract for the next 5 years and you're getting an alcohol problem that Lindsay Lohan might gawk at, and the question of playing in a big market. His alcoholism would most likely be the reason that he has a problem in the big market, if something got out that he "Chris Brown'd" his wife again, he may completely go in the shitter, but AA is always a helpful tool. Papelbon could DEFINITELY be the starting point in this trade, but the prospects are a little thin at the upper level minors and I'm doubting the Tigers want kids that are 3-4 years away in a trade for one of the top 10 hitters in baseball.

One reporter thinks that the Blue Jays could be the dark horse for the services of Jason bay for the next 4-5 years. He's a Canada native, has always said he'd like to play his home games there, and let's face it they are going to need someone to soften the impact of losing Roy Halladay this offseason. This to me makes all the sense in the world, but hearing that the Dodgers and Angels could be in on the Halladay sweepstakes is dismaying. They have talent at the top levels of their system ready for Major league ball or within a year of reaching the "Big Club" and I'm not sure that the Red Sox can match an offer from either of those two teams with regards to league ready talent.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Being a Savant Strikes Again.

Like another one of those piss-poor reruns of Saved by the Bell: The College Years, I was on again! One of the steps of my foolproof plan for a successful offseason has come to fruition. The Red Sox are actively shopping Mike Lowell. Actively, to me, would be calling around and fielding offers from all of the teams in Major League Baseball. But the Red Sox have basically put a Shaquille O'Neal sized boot in Mike Lowell's ass and showed him the door by telling all interested teams that they will eat HALF of his contract which makes a 12 mil annual salary an affordable and more palatable 6 mil/ year.

A few of the teams that could take him on would be:

• The World Series runner up's Philadelphia Phillies. After parting ways with Pedro Feliz, they need a new 3^rd baseman. They had interest in Mike Lowell when he previously hit the free agent market. Adding another "Major League" bat would also be a huge upgrade, from the pothole that was his spot in the order. If I were to take bets on where Mike would end up, I'm going to go with the Phillies, for a B level prospect with SOME upside.
  
• If the Giants want to keep Tim Lincecum from testing the free agent waters when his current contract is up, they need to sign offense, and they need to sign it fast. Mike Lowell could very well be a bargain and a VERY productive player in their lineup and the Giants REALLY need to move their uber slugger, ultra hefty 3^rd baseman Pablo Sandoval to first base. They (Giants) should be a player in the Lowell sweepstakes.
  
• Because Oakland is the place where washed up, has been players go to roost for affordable contracts (See Jason Giambi and Nomar Garciaparra) and Eric Chavez has had career H1N1 for the better part of 5 years now. Have to give them the time of day also.
  

Thus far all reports are saying that the Red Sox have targeted 4 Scott Boras clients. While this may prove to be a VERY costly winter having Bernie Madoff for an agent, the players that they are targeting (Matt Holliday, Adrian Beltre, Rick Ankiel, and Mike Gonzalez) are almost precisely what the doctor ordered. I say almost because why the hell are we signing Rick Ankiel? I mean don't get me wrong, I love great playoff performing pitchers, oh it's for ANOTHER left handed hitting backup outfielder, Why? Unless this is just another asinine Ken Rosenthal rumor (remember that Papelbon and Lowell for Cabrera speculation? Ugh) then someone else is getting flipped in a deal.

All the rest of the assumed targets are exceptional talents and would be a godsend to this geriatric ship we are starting to float on. It will be interesting to see who takes on the Tin Man, but you can assume that the rest of my plan will come to a head before the start of the 2010 season against the World Champion New York Yankees.

Stay Tuned

Marco Scutar-NO

It has been brought to my attention that I am not very high on Marco Scutaro. So I figured I'd give you the reasons for it instead of my blatant disregard for anything factual and just slander someone's baseball character, just because he looks like a slightly pudgy version of Scott Baio.(Told ya.) Let's delve, shall we?

Let's get this positive stuff out of the way. Marco Scutaro had a banner year. EVERY offensive category for him improved year over year. His fielding has NEVER been an issue, and he's VERY versatile.

That being said, he's too old. He just turned 34 and investing ANYTHING more than a one year deal with him could potentially be suicide. I say this knowing full well that there are 3 shortstops that are HEAD AND SHOULDERS better than him in next year's free-agent pool (Reyes, Rollins, Peralta). I sort of view his offensive year as an anomaly. Most players have 1-3 (most players 1) great years where everything they do turns to gold.

A list of Firsts (or Seconds)for Scutaro-

• First time to hit double digit home runs in a season.
  
• First time he had EVER broken 60 walks (shattered that with 90)
  
• First time to have an OBP over .350 (.379) (his career OBP is .337)
  
• He has only batted above .270 twice in his career.
  
• The most stolen bases EVER in a single year. (14)
  
• The most hits (162)
  
• The first time ever scoring 100 runs.
  
• Highest ever fielding % when spending the most time at SS.
  

All of these seem like great accolades but to me it seems like a peak, and I don't want to be the recipient of the precipitous downfall. Everyone knows that unless you are one of the elite, inner-circle Hall of Famers; once you hit 35 you're career is essentially over and you are no longer the force you once were.

Basically what I'm getting at without running the risk of being discriminatory is that he's too goddamn old. UNLESS, you ONLY bring him here for a year and then let him walk. You might as well sign Gonzalez for 3 mil a year. Being that he's been acclimated to Boston, he's 2 years younger, and his glove is just as good if not better than Scutaro's. Marco (Polo) to me looks like a one hit wonder sort of like that all girl group Blaque (not that I'm calling anything they did remotely a hit *starts sweating nervously*)

So, everyone needs to calm down because he's a one trick pony (defense only). The next logical question you're probably asking yourself is, "How does this little wise ass know this?" Consistency and longevity, my friends. Has he done anything that he did last season before? Nope. He could be a late bloomer, but you'll find that I am going to be 100% correct that after this first year with whatever team he signs with he is going to regress back to the guy that left Oakland and New York all those years ago. I'm just sayin…

Stay Tuned

Ryan