The Conversation.

*Disclaimer: This Fictitious conversation took place shortly after Greinke dismantled the Red Sox. In order to find more humor in this conversation please be advised that Zack Greinke has social anxiety disorder, and that Bob Gibson is a Fucking God.

*nervous twitch* I was able to tie my shoes this morning! Looks like a good day to pitch.

(Smooth, James Earl Jones-like voice) My son, do you know the territory you're approaching?

I know that I pitched in Kansas City last night. *scratches head*

Sonny, you are becoming dangerously close to as filthy as I was, what do you eat for breakfast?

Well, this morning my mom cut me up an Apple so that it made the star out of the seeds (I like that), and I had an Eggo Waffle with honey instead of syrup. Mom says too much sugar is a bad thing.

Boy, what the hell is the matter with you? When I was King Shit I was eating fetuses.

Hey, would you look at that, I pitched really good again last night. GOOOOOLLLLLY!

Motherfucker, are you kidding me? You have more Strikeouts than you're opponents batting average against. You made the Red Sox your bitch, and all you can say is, "GOOOOOLLLLLY?"

What else should I say? *eyes fixated on a fly*

You should be out boozin', your pimp hand is strong Son! Get out there and start crushin' some pootang! Back when I was a ball player I screwed Marilyn Monroe AND JFK just because I was a fucking demigod.

Crushing pootang?

Son, if you can learn two things from me learn this. Crushin' booty ain't no thang, but part of the game. And hit some guy in the face one time. It's a rush.

Crushin booty? *nervously starts tapping fingers on his Mancala board*

If you don't drink, and you don't do women, what do you do after a ball game?

Well bible study really helps me unwind, and I've started drinking Bigelow Tea. *applauds randomly at the re-run of the Brady Bunch*

Your fucking ERA is 2.08, you can't find any OTHER extracurricular activities?

Zack, can you recommend a Bible study group in Boston? My Extracurriculars aren't helping me much at the plate.

Oops

Bitch Please! Is there anyone here that knows how to be The Fucking Man with Me.?

Guilty. Hey Tek, I know Twatney's your girl and all, but if she doesn't get off my shit I'm probably gonna nail her, and then drill her with a two seamer to the skull.

Amen, brother, Amen.