The Comeback That Wasn’t

So Clay Buchholz threw well last night Eh? A good recipe for success is to not give up 3 runs in the first or 5 home runs in an outing for that matter, but what do I know. But is it just me, or did this loss taste like eating shit off of a mushroom. Think about it. They had us dead to nuts, and we mount a momentous comeback capped off by JD Drew and his Ruthian shot to dead central. God, you could feel it in the air. And what a sweet smell a comeback is on a quiet autumn night. Yeah, We know the rest but I am however going to give props to that Jason Frasor kid. He knew if he threw Youkilis one more fastball in that at bat that he was going to go apeshit on it and send it onto the Mass Pike but that still doesn't mean that the 2^nd 3-2 Change-up wasn't a ballsy pitch. I almost wanted to stand up and applaud had I not have put my foot through my cats ass for the loss of this game.

Adam Lind. WTF. I view Adam Lind the exact way I view Ben Zobrist of the Tampa Bay Rays. FLUKE. Yes the guy has 30+ bombs this year but to me he is nothing more than a glorified Frank Catalanotto. But boy did, we'll call him G-Frank (short for glorified Frank), have himself a game. Disposing of EVERYTHING that came into his wheelhouse. And ANYONE that thinks that Papelbon hit him intentionally is especially unknowledgeable in the art of 'comeback'. At no point in time does the pitcher immediately following a ball busting comeback want to let ANY runners on base. He tried to get in on him and unfortunately for him because that shit hurts, he hit him. Good Game G-Frank maybe you should sit the next couple of plays out, You're killin' us.

There's a lot of things that I pine for in a baseball season, I love asking for No-Hitters, Errorless ballgames, Hideki Matsui to fall and break his pelvis; but if these Baseball Gods that I have prayed to and have heard so much about care about me at all they will let the large father get to the 30 HR and 100 RBI Plateau. If he gets stuck at 29 and 99 respectively I'm going to judo chop my windpipe. I will film it and post it on here because that would be pretty Busch League. Yes I'm calling you out Baseball Gods, show your reign.

Now I don't like to back into the postseason and that is seemingly what we did but HELLO OCTOBER. And We Meet again Anaheim. For a quick second here I will bring attention to the biggest star on the Anaheim Angles (I'm refusing to use the other 12 names they use as their respective city) Howie Kendrick! What the Hell? You of all people are going to call out Boston and say that "You Want Boston." We may need to get this man some help, suicide watch would probably be the best bet because if they think with that pitching staff that they stand a chance in this series they're out of their MotherLovin mind. As my Chess instructor (please don't judge I used to be a prodigy) once told me as I was about to get my ass took to the cleaners, "A Gentleman Would Retire." I think it stands true here as well. We will Meet again Howie Kendrick.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Just One Measly Little Win

So, maybe you (Red Sox) don't know this. But you're now back in the cozy confines of Fenway Park. When you're here you win. OK? That was the most paltry, rudimentary pitching I've ever seen. Not just because we threw out the Double-A All-Stars but the pitch sequences were like fastball-fastball-curve; fastball-fastball-change. Mix that shit up! Yes you want to establish your fastball but when you are getting ass-raped by the likes of Rod Barrajas I'd say its probably time to take a new approach. Michael Bowden or the Red Sox version of Kevin Tapani has seen his stock decline immensely since the beginning of the year. In April, being hailed as "untouchable" he has plummeted to the point where he has ALMOST no value for a big name player anymore. If you want a player in the offseason Sox fans be prepared to deal Bard and Casey Kelley as your starting points when the trade partner asks for prospects.

Beckett was scratched with an upper left back spasm. Tito went on record saying "that's good", for the novice's out there that is good more so because it's not his upper right back more than anything because anything that close to your shoulder would be cause for concern. I'm confident he'll be fine, but it is a bit of a question as to all the griping he's been doing lately about "feeling" different injuries. Also, that Lefty that steals my heart every time he takes the rubber is fine. There is no need to fret, they are going to keep him on a short leash anyway his next outing in preparation for the ALDS and we can all catch up on some sleep this week because next weeks' work week is going to be not friendly staying up late but I will be damned if I let the Los Angeles of Anaheim of California of the United States, own me because of a technicality called time zones. And Please, pick a goddamn city, if not for me but for the betterment of mankind.

The Magic number scenario actually makes me laugh. We haven't won in 4 games yet we have seen our Magic Number been reduced to one. That means that When Buchholz gets the W and let's face it…He's getting that goddamn W…We will be poppin' Crys, and throwing 30-rack boxes on top of our heads while the Dropkick Murphys blare in the background. Just One Measly Little Win you wide-eyed little whipper snapper, please appease me.

There are some very big developments going on elsewhere in baseball though or haven't you noticed since Dancing With The Stars was on last night? This Race in the Central is setting up to be epic with a rain out yesterday that sets the stage for a Day/Night Doubleheader that could make or break the Division. Everyone wants the small market Twinkies to take it because they don't spend money and play ball the right way. The Baseball Purist in me says "F Yeah", but the competition in the Division series will be far less from the Minnesota Cuddyers than from the Pitching Triumvirate from Motown. Detroit needs to win this game partly because I want to see 100 miles per hour every other pitch shredding through that Yankee lineup cementing that inevitable October Meltdown from Alex Rodriguez.

In the National League, yes they still have a league over there, Atlanta is defecating all over their opposition right now and pulling within 2 games of the idle Rockies. Once again everyone wants the small market team because they have "less talent" and operate differently but screw that, I want to see the Braves back in the Postseason and that pitching staff is going to be tough to beat with 5 legitimate starters (Lowe, Vazquez, Jurrjens, Hudson, and Hanson). If they can somehow sneak by the Rockies and take that Wildcard slot, the Braves are going to beat the Dodgers and I'm almost willing to say in 3 games but I'll give our old friend Man-Ram some credit and say they lose in 4…if they sneak in the Braves will be in the ALCS.

Going to be a Wild Week.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Screw York

Fhat the Wuck? So that series went over about as well as a fart in church. It seemed competitive until the "shot heard round the world," on Jon Lester's knee Friday night and then after that it was as if they were playing war. We (Bos) lay down and you (NYY) blow the fuck out of us. Too bad no one actually took me up on that offer on the table when Paul Byrd suddenly morphed into Smokin' Joe Wood and kept the Yankees at bay for 5 2/3.

So Jon Lester is OK. I'm sure everyone else felt that same feeling you do when you get punched in the scrotum and you can feel it up in the back of your throat when that baseball pelted Jonny's knee. The scene was gruesome, thinking about it was worse, but this guy is a friggin machine. The only dismaying thing that ended up happening Friday night other than the loss, was the fact that the Yankees seemed to figure out Jon Lester. The drinks were flying around my house like crazy and the more I had the more belligerent my comments were. I'm pretty sure Twitter is now my now outlet for letting out drunk remarks and for those of you who put up with me on that platform I'm sorry. But they went as followed:

alright everyone i'm clearly shithoused. This formula didn't work #redsox #jobalikesboys.

Ugh...I'm pretty positive that Joe Girardi and Liberraci are soulmates #redsox #yankeesarestillhomos

#redsox...Manny Del Carmen is Clearly Elton John's significant other

These were just a few of the gems I happened to let fly deep into Friday night. And I'm not sure why everyone involves some sort of man on man action but I still think most of them stand true. So, Raise your glasses to a coherent drunk that types with FLAWLESS accuracy.. OYE!

So about the division; I think I'm about ready to go after it. *small whisper from across the room* Strike that. So about the Wildcard. THE BEST THING that has happened to baseball since the jockstrap. Texas is clearly determined to force feed us the Wild Card Spot on a Silver Platter. I guess I'm finally ready for a Boston-Anaheim slugfest that involves 2 blown saves by the Angels including a walk off at Fenway Park, followed by Mike Scioscia having that look of "did you just kick my dog" on the top step of the dugout. *sniffs* Yes Fall is in the air.

I went into the NYY series KNOWING that we didn't need to win any. Am I pissed that we got the piss kicked out of us? Of course. But there is ALWAYS some method behind Tito's madness. I'd say I'll see you in 2 weeks NYY but I'm pretty sure that you're losing to Detroit in the ALDS. I can see Justin Verlander currency being printed in Detroit when they win.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

He’s Got the Magic Stick

One Word: Wow. That is how I'm describing the little tingly feelings in my dungarees that Clay Buchholz gave me last night. I'm going out on a limb (not unusual for this blogger) but I'm willing to compare his start to what I saw from Zack Greinke the other night. That being said I'm sure Jim Rice wasn't impressed. Dominating people with a fastball of up to 97 (where the hell did that come from?), Mystifying them with the 12-6 curveball, and donkey punching the collective Royals team with that changeup everytime they swung and missed. This was BY FAR the best I have seen him since his no-no and I LIKE what I see entering the last week of the season. When batters say that his changeup is one of the best in the game, in thus his "rookie season" I'm starting to see it. Simply stated: Wow.

Victor Martinez and Dustin Pedroia EACH extended their hitting streaks. Victor Martinez became the Red Sox All time hit streak leader for switch hitters and Dustin Pedroia is just printing off tickets to the gun show night after night. I have to think that BOTH of them are going to rake tonight against a struggling douche bag Joba Chamberlain.

I realize that the Division is pretty much out of reach with the Sox throwing up a stink bomb earlier this week against KC. But as everyone knows when you play 30 games over .500 at Fenway all you need to do is go even on the road and you'll get into the playoffs. They earned a split and that's what they needed. They HONESTLY didn't need to take 3 out of 4. Would it have been nice, yes, but they needed a split.

Now I know that this weekend's series doesn't mean much in terms of standings or how the next week will play out. But I really want to have New York take one right up the tailpipe this weekend. Lester is going to win tonight. Bottom line. The Yankees look like the Lowell Spinners when he's on the mound and Joba Chamberlain has been going tits up for the better part of a month now. Daisuke vs. CC doesn't look good on paper, but if that sneaky little Asian can feign his way into the 6^th possibly 7^th and we can get CC's pitch count up we could maybe pull one out. I know most of you guys like to believe that when a game is a LOCK on paper it will NEVER happen. But I'm proclaiming that Paul Byrd will NOT win against the Yankees. If he does I am willing to take suggestions from ANYONE as to what I'll do and will post a poll on Twitter to tally up results. Just to be clear, He has to GET the W not just pitch well. Any takers?

Cap'n and Cokes for ANYONE that comes to my house tonight for the game. Probably going to be a little sideways at some point throughout the night, but that's fine with me. Lefty on the Mound, Captain and Cokes all around! Until Monday, Stay Thirsty My friends.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Back in the Saddle Again

Was anyone else wondering when the Portland Sea Dogs were going to take a seat and the Red Sox were going to come back and whoop some Royal ass? That was getting ri-goddamn-diculous. On the heels of Beckett's interview with WEEI's Alex Speier talking about the attrition that comes with a grueling baseball season he took the hill and was less than dominant but kept the Royals at bay long enough to get his 16^th win.

Two runs over six innings isn't bad, but what is a bit dismaying is the 12 hits in that timespan. It is however something to be said that with 12 hits he only gave up two runs. So his ability to pitch out of jams is still quite remarkable, but for crying out loud it's the Royals. Unfortunately I chose them to win the Central this year based on what I saw of them out of spring training. They were getting timely hits, and really seemed to gel, but once the regular season started they seemed to like the cellar more than the limelight.

The Large Father had himself a game last night with a Home run and driving in 4. I, for one, REALLY want to see him get to that 100 RBI plateau. It not only is a mark that most sluggers want to get to for sheer stats purpose but it shows that you have the capability to alter a game with any swing of your bat. It would be a testament to the hitting prowess of David Ortiz that after his abysmal start he would end up w/ 25+ homers and 100+ RBI's. So what do you say 'top of the lineup' get on base for the guy and let him rake for the next week. I think it's a GREAT thing that we are in New York this weekend especially for David Ortiz being that a strong bunt to the right side may end up over the fence.

I have been pretty critical of Terry Francona's allotment of playing time for Jason Varitek but with the last week of the season looming, and a playoff spot all but assured he finally made the right move letter Victor catch The Ace. At this point in his career and with the steady decline of his bat, he is nothing more (to this team) as a defensive sub. And after the slew (2) of pass balls and inability to throw out runners is that even what you want in a backup catcher? Varitek may have signed the BEST deal of his career with the player option after the season. But if I were him I would contemplate VERY hard on moving to Tahiti with Watney and calling it a career.

All right, I'm about to become a sinner. I am going to lambast the superfluous hitting/baseball knowledge of one, Jim Ed Rice. In a tweet, and on his blog yesterday he made the comment of saying he "wasn't impressed with Zack Greinke." That is ok to say because all though he was in my opinion CARVING up the Red Sox his pitch count was up a bit and could only get through 6. But for him to compare him to Roger Moret, it has more comedic relevance than baseball substance. For those of you who don't know about Roger Moret he was pitched for both the Red Sox and the Rangers in his major league career and one day prior to a game in the clubhouse he was spotted in the clubhouse with his arm outstretched holding a slipper in a catatonic state. Wow, Jim. I find it borderline hilarious that you would compare this pitcher to Greinke who as recent as last year had social anxiety disorder. But, that being said you are so far off base here Jimbo it's not even funny. Every player on the field for the Sox on Tuesday night said how filthy Greinke's stuff was. Just from sitting at home you could see the depth and late movement his slider had. The late movement on his fastball made it all but impossible (Pedroia and Embrague did it) to square up. And his changeup was just as good if not better than the one that Clay Buchholz brings to the table. If this young man doesn't win the Cy Young, it's going to be a travesty, a sham, a mockery; a TRAVESHAMOCKERY.

Ideally we wanted to come in to KC and roll over the Royals but we have a chance to split tonight and with the bleak outlook that yesterday's game had through the early innings I'm OK with where we sit. Let's win this one Clay and head to New York so we can watch the Sox piss all over the Yankee Pitching staff.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

The Conversation.

*Disclaimer: This Fictitious conversation took place shortly after Greinke dismantled the Red Sox. In order to find more humor in this conversation please be advised that Zack Greinke has social anxiety disorder, and that Bob Gibson is a Fucking God.

*nervous twitch* I was able to tie my shoes this morning! Looks like a good day to pitch.

(Smooth, James Earl Jones-like voice) My son, do you know the territory you're approaching?

I know that I pitched in Kansas City last night. *scratches head*

Sonny, you are becoming dangerously close to as filthy as I was, what do you eat for breakfast?

Well, this morning my mom cut me up an Apple so that it made the star out of the seeds (I like that), and I had an Eggo Waffle with honey instead of syrup. Mom says too much sugar is a bad thing.

Boy, what the hell is the matter with you? When I was King Shit I was eating fetuses.

Hey, would you look at that, I pitched really good again last night. GOOOOOLLLLLY!

Motherfucker, are you kidding me? You have more Strikeouts than you're opponents batting average against. You made the Red Sox your bitch, and all you can say is, "GOOOOOLLLLLY?"

What else should I say? *eyes fixated on a fly*

You should be out boozin', your pimp hand is strong Son! Get out there and start crushin' some pootang! Back when I was a ball player I screwed Marilyn Monroe AND JFK just because I was a fucking demigod.

Crushing pootang?

Son, if you can learn two things from me learn this. Crushin' booty ain't no thang, but part of the game. And hit some guy in the face one time. It's a rush.

Crushin booty? *nervously starts tapping fingers on his Mancala board*

If you don't drink, and you don't do women, what do you do after a ball game?

Well bible study really helps me unwind, and I've started drinking Bigelow Tea. *applauds randomly at the re-run of the Brady Bunch*

Your fucking ERA is 2.08, you can't find any OTHER extracurricular activities?

Zack, can you recommend a Bible study group in Boston? My Extracurriculars aren't helping me much at the plate.

Oops

Bitch Please! Is there anyone here that knows how to be The Fucking Man with Me.?

Guilty. Hey Tek, I know Twatney's your girl and all, but if she doesn't get off my shit I'm probably gonna nail her, and then drill her with a two seamer to the skull.

Amen, brother, Amen.

Manny Being Manny

While on the way to do some afternoon errands I thought that It would be a great idea to get an energy drink knowing that the game was going to be an hour later I'd need that extra boost to make it through without feeling like Shrek in the morning. While at Wal-Mart (yes, I realize I'm a cheap bastard) instead of walking the extra six feet to the other aisle where the Red Bulls are I'd stay in the same line and grab a Full Throttle. Great Decision…NOT. I should have known, that when the tab on the can broke as I was trying to open it that it wasn't meant to be and I should just cut my losses. But nope, I'm a stubborn prick and I needed that caffeine. From the first taste it was like I was sipping liquid hairspray and now my throat has this strange sticky feeling sort of like when hairspray hits skin.

So if ya'll didn't know "House" returned last night and I was flipping between FOX and NESN. Being that the Sox were up big, I figured eh, what the hell I'll just stick it out with the remainder of the sitcom and turn on the game afterwards. I turned it on as the lead went from 8-2 to 8-5. Now normally I'm all about reading the subliminal signs and when I changed the channel after not watching for an extended period of time, I should have done the team justice and kept the game off. So for that I'm sorry Red Sox Nation. But I am going to go out on a limb and say this one doesn't fall on me.

Manny DelCarmen or a more aptly named Sergio Mitre, didn't get all the 'suck' out of his system in Baltimore he needed to bring it on the road trip to Kansas City. I'm not one to criticize Francona, because honestly that's PROBABLY the spot you want MDC in the game (Up by 4 or more runs, against an anemic offense, and in a game that could be shortened by rain at any moment) but Manny needs an extended DL trip followed by an outright release in the offseason. I realize that that is quite dramatic and I am prepared to duel to the death on anyone that wants to debate it. That being said, his ERA is now skyrocketing at 4.34, the only reason he had success prior to his recent funk (and by success I mean still being able to compete in a Sanjaya Look-alike contest because we all know you can't pitch) was because Francona chose his spots to pitch you and it was as if you COULDN'T fail when you were in the game. Granted, you'd try your hardest but your 2.00 ERA that you were toting just a few weeks ago was more due to your playing time than your ability. All for Manny DelCarmen to be left off the playoff Roster say "Argh"! ARGH!!!

I realize that Manny being Manny is the Scapegoat for the entire pitching staff, although justifiably so, When you walk more than 10 people per game (7 by Timmah) you're asking for trouble. Daniel Bard gave up 2 runs in 1/3 of an inning and the bullpen was rendered useless at that point.

This was nothing more than a missed opportunity for our hometown 9. On a night where the Yankees lost to the Los Angeles of Anaheim of the United States of North America of the World (See what I did there, pick one friggin city and stand by it Halos!) all we had to do was knock off a last place team on which we were up 8-2 at one point. 8 to motherf*ucking 2 and we would be within a HANDFULL of games.

One word for last night's clusterf*ck. Fail.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Objects May Be Closer Than They Appear

With the Yankees pretending to be their interstate counterpart for the last two weeks, we are creeping ever so close back into the AL East Race. The Yanks' have been on cruise control now for better than a month, and with CC expected to go Ankiel on us, and A-Rod primed for an "oh-fer" October, I'd say there's no better time than now to as Patches O'Houllihan would put it, "grab em by the horns and hump them into submission." David Ortiz's comment when asked if they can catch the Yankees: "Why not?" Look out Bombers, there's gonna be fireworks in the 'Boogie Down' this weekend!

Clay Buchholz, where to start. The enamored 'deer in the headlights' look is a bit disheartening, but sweet Christ can this kid pitch. Please castrate me I'm actually looking forward to seeing him start in the playoffs. I've given him a ton of shit and I'm not sorry because ya know in the big scheme of things I'm a peon that doesn't matter much anyway, like Dan Shaughnessey. Sox win a 3-1 ball game and he once again is entrenching himself in that third spot and the Jaws of Life won't get him out of there come October! Get Ready Fenway Faithful, our first playoff game at home (barring us, defecating all over the Yankees and taking the division) is going to be Say Hey Clay, and I for one am VERY CONFIDENT.

I'll tell ya one thing, I'm NOT gay, but when Jon Lester steps onto the mound I get a funny feeling in the pants. On Saturday, that funny feeling went flaccid with his loss of command for the strike zone, but still let us not forget, this is the Orioles, and Jon Lester doesn't lose to any Orange toting birds. We were borderline stymied through 6 but in the 7th, "The chickens came home to roost, Bobby Boucher!" A 3-3 Deadlock QUICKLY got out of hand and ended up turning into an 11-5 W for the Good Guys. Also a well deserved round of applause for Manny DelCarmen and his pitching stylings on Saturday night. Back to Back Yardwork, followed by a walk in an 11-3 game in the 9^th inning. Hell, that's not even pressure and you can't pitch. I suppose when Billy Wagner says that 'everyone in the bullpen could close' for another team he's excluding 'origami' (see: folds under pressure).

When He Who Must Not Be Named it should be Must See Television. But I will freely admit, that I was enamored by Louie Anderson's, I mean Rex Ryan's remarks and had to let me "He-Man" nature kick in and watch the Patriots Flog the Lowly Jets. Oh, you're saying ESPN has the J-E-T-S Jets winning that game. F My life. Either way from what I gathered, 'He' attacked the zone, again, and the Sox steamrolled the Orioles for a disgusting season series record of 16-2. OUCH

Around the League~

What the Fuck is going on in the AL Central? If the Tigers lose the division to the Twinkies, the Yankees might as well print a ticket to the ALCS now (barring a shitting down their throat by the Sox this weekend, (anyone else seeing this pattern)). I LOVE JOE MAUER, but without Mourneau and that slipshod at best pitching staff they are going to be eaten alive in 3 games against the 'Pinstripes'.

As much as I want to see the Giants in the Postseason, I'm starting to come w/ grips that their offense is just slightly better than a New Kids On The Block celeb softball tourney and won't suffice come October. If I'm their GM I'm finding a way to get a POWER outfielder/1^st Basemen this offseason, AT ALL COSTS. If not you can expect Lincecum to walk when he's eligible…I'm just sayin.

Why are the Rockies this good? Their only good pitcher is Ubaldo Jiminez, and although their offense isn't bad, pitching wins ballgames. Just another reason why when you think you know baseball it flips you around and screws you, dry.

Milton Bradley, 30MM for 3 years, Great investment. Nuff said.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

 

The C stands for Chitshow

Señor Embrague was back and we won the game and our 8^th straight victory, and 3^rd straight sweep. Wait A Tick. This Just In. We Lost, Jason Varitek is now a liability behind the dish along with the never ending pile of strikeouts, double plays, and rally killing pop-ups to 2^nd base.

I'm sorry to all you Tek Army advocates out there but what good is he to this team? He hasn't had a hit since, when, May? He has thrown out 13 runners and given up 100 steals. The only word that comes to mind is SUCKING HIND TIT. The one job that Varitek has whence he steps onto the diamond is to keep the ball in front of him (Enter Screenshot of the "wild pitch"). This is a Curveball. THE EASIEST F*CKING PITCH TO BLOCK. And somehow he decides that doing his best Engleberg impression during Walter Matthau's catching practice would be the best way to devote his time. Enough is enough Tito Varitek needs to play every 7^th day. I don't care who's pitching. And come October, Varitek's C can stand for Clipboard.

While we're on the topic of Mr. Clean (Francona, sans the earring) there is no reason for Youkilis who is 2 for 2 in his career against Fuentes not to bat in JD Drew's spot. Even if you have to make a couple of different moves in the next frame, at least you're in the next frame knowing that your best guy got an AB. Instead, the crybabies won and escaped Beantown with a W.

Beckett, although giving up the 2 HR's looked pretty impressive last night. That ball hit out by Kendrick was a PERFECTLY executed pitch with an even more perfecter swing to hit a yahzee ball out to Right Field. Eight solid innings from Beckett should have been good for a win, but (not to beat a dead horse) Varitek went tits up.

Tell me that everyone didn't think that Señor Embrague went "bridge" in the 8^th when he hit that moonball in front of the wall. I was jumping up and down, internally flipping off Mike Scioscia, and pretending to down a beer; since I was dry it was a less than banner night at the Norton Residence.

Off to Baltimore to take I mean play a three game set. Anyone else wonder what it would be like if maybe the Uh-Oh's went out in the offseason, and acquired a John Lackey or a hopefully recovered Ben Sheets, along with a Jon Garland to man the backend of their rotation with their youth Sandwiched in between for pitching? They would be lethal with that young potent lineup…like the Barbecue sauce…They'd be the Sweet "Baby Rays."

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Could this be the year?

Is it just me, or does Mike Scioscia look like Mr. Wilson from Dennis the Menace when he's PMSing at the umpires. To be fair, Nick Green should have been rung up twice, but am I going to complain? NOTTA CHANCE.

Who the hell is this slick fielding, bomb hitting, clutch raking Shortstop manning the 9 hole for the local nine. That hit is one of if not the "amazingest" hits of the season aside from the Walk-off bombski from the Youkka against the Empire, but what in the flying Christ is the Angels left fielder doing not diving for that ball? That was one of the most Busch League things I've seen this year, and If I'm Brian Fuentes I'm dumping PineSol into his Cap'n & Coke after the game.

We all know that the Angels wilt under duress with the best of 'em, but is anyone else feeling the electricity in the ballpark (or living room if you will.) This team is now coming up with the big hit (No Varitek I'm not picking on you, this time), the defense has been impeccable and aside from the Byrd-Man throwing like, well, Paul Byrd the starting pitching has had an ERA under 2 the last 7 games.

In the wake of reading that my beloved Heidi Watney was practically esophagus deep down Nick Greens throat with her tongue I have decided that I need to find a new object of my fake affection that doesn't spread like Oleo. Any suggestions? I was leaning towards these three girls.

Stay Tuned
Ryan

A Series of VERY Fortunate Events

In my long overdue return to the blogosphere SO many things have happened for me and Red Sox Nation as a whole. For all of you that don't follow me on twitter ( DO SO), I have just been given the treasure of having a beautiful, healthy baby daughter. Her name is Chloe, and I have never been more in love with one person than I am when I look at her. She has officially watched her first Red Sox game with Daddy and like on the night that my son was born ('07) they won. We all know what happened later in that year, and if they win again it looks like I'm going to have to bear more fruit of my looms every two years until they stop winning the World Series.

Well life can't be all rainbows and handjobs, but it certainly seems like it the last 6 games around Lansdowne Street. Starting with a mini-sweep of our favorite grinding wheel, followed by a blast from the past in the dismantling of the lowly Rays, and a good start against their October flogging mates. We've seen the reemergence of Josh Beckett as an actual ace rather than a Washington National, a solid start from He Who Shall Not Be Named, and a record by a slugger that will stand for quite a while.

Josh Beckett flat out dealt on a soggy night at Fenway. Giving up 1 run in 5+ innings in a 9-1 "shitting upon" of the fading Tampa team. The devastating movement on the 2-seamer was back, the Curveball was biting and his 4-seam was explosive. Look out Los Angelos of Anaheim Beckett is back and your playoff hopes just took a cancer like turn for the worse.

He Who Shall Not Be Named does not yet deserve to be referred to by his given surname but last night's start was encouraging. I realize I'm a bit of a "Debbie Downer" on the Mr. Miagi of the team but at one point after 50 pitches he had thrown 25 strikes that's not going to get it done later on. But it's a reassuring sign that he can get into the 6th inning now without giving up a run. I will however be the first to admit that I was taking bets on the over/under at 3 innings for his start. The Artist Formely known as Dice-K is back and let the maddening nibbling begin.
David Ortiz hammered a fastball in the 8th inning of the contest, which gave him the all-time Home run lead for Designated Hitters. This record is going to stand for a while being that Ortiz still has at least 3 productive seasons left before a monumental Jim Rice like decline. Can anyone here honestly say that they thought he would be approaching 30 dingers, and 100 runs batted in? We still believe in you Papi.

Wishing the best of luck to Senor Embrague (Martinez) and Kevin Youkilis while they are gone.

Stay Tuned
Ryan

A Debt of Gratitudes

I would like to thank the avid Bottom of the Ninth readers for their continued reading, and I would also like to apologize for the lack of post this morning. Minor emergency/miracle to tend to. The birth of my 2nd child is upon us and although it has not quite happened yet I could not be prouder of the way my Emily has handled herself being in and out of hospitals during the pregnancy.

Let's get down to brass tacks here now people. Most of you that read this are Red Sox fans but hopefully (If my writing has done anything, and I'm not counting on it) you are baseball fans first and foremost. I would like to extend a gargantuan congratulation to the Yankee *gasp* Captain Derek Jeter for tying the Iron Horse, Lou Gehrig, for 1st all time on the Yankee hit list. If I could make one team of the best baseball players in the history of the game, I'm putting Derek Jeter as the STARTING shortstop. My favorite all time shortstop, and that's saying a lot since the uber popular, demigod/sex symbol that was Nomar Garciaparra OCD'd his way around these parts for MANY toe-tapping years. For more on this pseudo-Yankee orgy read this.

Being a coach/manager myself, I ALWAYS try to listen to Terry Francona whenever he gives interviews. EVERY Wednesday he speaks at 12:02 PM to Dale & Holley on WEEI and I tuned in as I usually did. Dustin Pedroia may want to throw a few of the next games of cribbage with 'Ol Skip after the compliments he was doling out his way. The question was if he had ever seen a player as competitive as Michael Jordan (whom he coached when Jordan decided that being the best in the world at one sport wasn't good enough). The two players he named were Pete "Charlie Hustle" Rose and Dustin Pedroia. It doesn't get much better than that, our diminutive leader, but another hearty congratulations goes out to another deserving player!

It wasn't long ago that a certain Latin American born player, whom had a flair for the dramatics, perused our clubhouse with such an elegant grace and confidence. We are now seeing the emergence of the new switch hitting version of Big Papi and it is the most reassuring thing to know that when Victor Martinez is up at the plate that nothing can go wrong. It has been a few years since that confidence was instilled in us Sox fans but, as they say, DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE A GANGSTA. There are players known as, Big Papi, El Caballo, and even El Hombre but ladies and gentleman you are about to witness the birth of a new nickname. Mr. October and The Man move over, Señor Embrague, or Mr. Clutch has just set foot on the hallowed grounds of Fenway Park.

For some reason that gnats that are the Texas Rangers, are sill pestering the everliving piss out of us. And with Derek Holland having a Cy Young like season as a rookie this race is FAR from over. That being said the Tampa Bay Longorias are coming to The Fens for a weekend set, and we have to take 2 out of three. From here on out, every series has to be won by the Red Sox. Even the series against the seemingly impenetrable Bronx Bombers in order to cement our spot in October. For some reason a play-in game seems to be a-brewin and I don't want to put an "upstart" team in the position of underdog. Come out in droves Sox fans, I've got pennant fever, and the only cure is more W's!

Stay Tuned
Ryan

Chicks Dig the Long Ball

There are many things the creep me out in this world, bees first and foremost, but what happened to me yesterday at work could almost take the cake as most inappropriately socially awkward moment of my life. While standing at the urinal at work someone else walks into the bathroom. I'm not gun-shy so I just keep it flowing. He walks in and occupies the urinal directly beside mine, and decides that a Liberace like notion would be in order. He gives me a double pat on the back (like the kind you would give someone you were reassuring) and states the following: "Ya know, some days too much caffeine just doesn't do it." First off, who in the flying Christ touches another guy while he's taking a piss, and second what the f*ck does what he said mean? I retorted with a blank, "uhhhhh" and tried to scurry around to the sink but the soap wouldn't work so scalding hot water was going to have to wash away the thought in my mind of someone caressing my shoulder while urinating. Then I made a bee line for the door and sat down in my cubicle, shaking my head wondering if the things that happen in my everyday life are real. I unfortunately can assure you, they are.

Homosexuality aside, there was nothing Elton John about Tuesday nights baseball game. Clay Buchholz had no-hitter stuff early on and ended by dazzling us for 7-innings of 3-hit baseball. The offense got started early and often, including two home runs by the diminutive leader, Gonzo going gonzo, Papi, the Youkka, and the enigma all going deep into the night pushed us to a 10-0 shutout. For the Enigma this is his first time since 2006 hitting 20 HRs in a season which begs the question, was this season a success for him?

What's the worst part about this Red Sox win? The fact that they lost a ½ game in the wild card chase, with Texas sweeping the lowly Indians in a day/night double-dip. It seems as if, New Hampshire's own Chris Lambert, is the Sox personal whipping boy when he pitches against us this year. But I applaud you for rubbing his face in the dirt whenever he comes here, keep 'em comin!

David Ortiz has collected yet another milestone in his storybook career. He has now tied Frank Thomas for most homeruns as a DH. With Thomas Cooperstown bound David Ortiz has at least a few more productive years left in which to pad his lead atop the leader board and set the precedent higher for the next up and comer. Well done sir but is your Hall of Fame trip tarnished because of the steroid accusations? I hope not, for all that's pure in baseball I hope not. Good luck to you!

Keep the wins coming Boston, Texas isn't wilting in that wretched Arlington heat.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

O’ Beckett, Where Art Thou

Friday night was probably the most abysmal baseball game I've seen out of the Red Sox all season. When you are shut down by the 2009 version of Freddy Garcia you should probably call it a season, but we'll have to chalk that up to a tough travel day? Either way, Paul Byrd and his 86mph cash for clunker fastball is not going to cut it. His heroic Francis Ouimet like performance to beat out a demoralized Roy Halladay was probably the fluke of the season, and I am VERY unoptomistic about his next shelling, I mean start.

Wakefield had a patented Timmah outing giving up runs early and staying in the game to give the 'pen a rest. Nothing to write home about. But his impression of BillyBob from Varsity Blues running to first was not encouraging either. The dearth of pitching that we had in April is now gone and to get into the playoffs we are either going to need Beckett to reemerge as the Ace, or some outlier to stand up and give the finger to the opposition.

Jon Lester, *stands up for a slow clap* F Big game James down in Tampa this is Big Game Jon and he has come through time and time again for this season. Had he not have had the April of John Burkett's past you could legitimately be talking about him for the Cy Young category. Claiming his name in the history of Sox Southpaws is just another improbable victory for this cancer survivin' SOB. He is going out and dominating lineups that are wreaking havoc all over the rest of the staff and throwing 7 IP 0ER with his eyes closed. Lester Game 1 Starter in the playoffs, write that shit down.

Josh Beckett: the Ace of the Staff, the stopper, the resident SHUT THE F UPPER to all opposing teams has been throwing like that pissed off little leaguer that can't find the zone with any pitch so he tries to throw it harder, and instead of being harder it's flatter therefore turning itself into a heaping pile of mashed potatoes. I don't know why he feels the need to give Red Sox Nation a collective cock block, but he should really turn this around because I, much like most of you guys, and girls, would like to see a DEEP run in October and this team will only go as far as the TWO-headed monster of Jon Lester and Josh Beckett take us.

If there was any more proof needed that Varitek need not be in the lineup OTHER than the days that Martinez needs a break from catching look no further than the weekend where he threw up goose eggs all over the board, let 2 more runners steal on him (w/o throwing anyone out, again) and becoming a MORE glaring hole in the lineup. People have been saying that any offense that comes from Alex Gonzalez is a bonus, but right now he is a VERY productive hitter in the 9-hole in our lineup but when the 8-hole is a surefire strike out or double play waiting to happen. We need to end the rally killers playing time. Sorry Varitek fans. If you want to win in the playoffs he needs not be in the lineup.

How about the massive "Go Screw yourself" given to us by Mark Kotsay this weekend? I was of the mind that I would rather face Albert Pujols than him at one point during his laser shows this weekend. He was pounding the ball, throwing runners out in the outfield, switching positions, just absolutely being a managers dream; which prompted Ozzie Guillen to tell management and the press that he wants Kotsay back next year at ANY cost. That's all well and good, but doesn't Ozzie need to be back? I'm just sayin.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Fast Times at the Trop.

After Josh Beckett threw up yet another clunker, Clay Buchholz whispered "Let me be your hero," in the collective Red Sox Nation ear. I would like to formally introduce Say Hey Clay to the Red Sox third slot in the rotation. You've earned it, now don't go out there in the playoffs and go all Rick Ankiel on us. We got to the Rookie Price early, and often. And it ultimately led to the end of the Rays season. Sorry Tampa can't say that I'm upset, but back to the drawing board.

Still there were pivotal points in the game that the Red Sox proved they were the better team. Most glaringly, the 8^th inning where Daniel Bard was on to face Evan Longoria. With the gopher ball he gave up to him VERY fresh in his mind 3 weeks ago he made the adjustments he needed to (not throwing that beast an F-ing fastball) and pitched like a big leaguer. Kudos.

The offense still clicking on all cylinders came through for 6 runs on a pitcher who clearly is hitting that rookie August/September wall. And all is well in New England.

Elsewhere in baseball, Pedro vs. Lincecum. Ask yourself what would happen when "vintage" Pedro throws against the "new" Pedro of this era. Look no further than Citizens Bank Park on Thursday night. Pedro became the bulldog we knew and loved to hurl 7 IMPRESSIVE innings striking out 9. "90-91 is a good fastball," (Remember that Presser?) I believe you Pedro and I believe that when you're in the league it is a better place. Lincecum who struck out 11 in 7 innings is going to continue to dazzle for another decade and is quickly becoming THE most electrifying pitcher in baseball. I LOVE PITCHERS' DUELS!

I would like to take this final paragraph to advocate for Curt Schilling for the Senate seat that was occupied by one Ted Kennedy. I do not live in the state of Massachusetts but anyone that does would be hard-pressed to find a better candidate whom stands up for what he believes in and isn't afraid to speak his mind in any forum. I put this to you Bottom of the Ninth fans, bloggers, and Red Sox Nation alike; get him in that seat!

Stay Tuned

Ryan

An Inch of Daylight.

I believe I said to keep the stranglehold on the Rays and not let them breathe. Last night, was a perfect example of not listening to a word I said. Josh Beckett was, well, not Josh Beckett. Everyone's been hounding the Red Sox training staff to know if there is an injury that he's concealing or some other ailment. That I'm not sure but I'll offer what I saw after last night's lackluster performance. His arm speed, not his velocity, is down. By this I mean it looks like he has the same velocity, and in many senses he does, but he's not getting it from the whip action in his arm. Prior to this skid, the ball would come out of his hand and explode, "Easy Cheese" if you will. Now, it's more like "Laborious Cheese." He looks as if he's aiming, and trying to muckle onto the ball in order to throw it hard. His 2-seam that normally freezes just about every lefty in baseball doesn't have that Nasty, darting back motion. After the second inning he settled down to at least not completely decimate the bullpen, but the damage was done. Moral of the Story: Josh Beckett Needs to Figure This Out.

Judging by the above paragraph you'd of thought we lost 16-0, well, that wasn't the case. We were down 5-1, and started clawing our way back. Eventually tying it 5-5 in the top of the 8^th, only to have that lead vanquished in about 2 minutes. Evan Longoria did his best Denzel Washington impersonation from Training Day saying "KING KONG AIN'T GOT SHIT ON ME," as he rounded the bases after that mammoth homerun to all but cement the W for the struggling Rays.

Enough about the Red Sox. What is it about players that we give the heave-ho, playing like Ozzie Guillen, Warren Spahn, and Nolan Ryan? Julio Lugo has made one error in 30 + games and is hitting well over .300. John Smoltz is now pitching like well, John Smoltz. Brad Penny just threw 8 shut out innings against the Phillies. THE FRIGGIN PHILLIES! Is this a classic case of the NL is clearly so much worse, or is Boston just not the market for these players? I'm not sure but my next idea could be the revelation of the century…LET'S SCOUT PLAYERS WITH GOOD TRACK RECORDS NOT COMING OFF INJURIES! Seems ingenious but I assure you not much thought went into that.

Texas won a game, the Yankees won (surprise, surprise) and the Rays dismantled our "Ace". We lost ground in every race imaginable, except for the my ace is worse than your ace race. Forgive me for the Dr. Seussian sounding phrase right there. Clay Buchholz goes tonight against the Rookie Lefty David Price. I'll say this if he gives us a start like he has the last 3-4 times out and shuts down this Tampa offense to give us the series win, I'm going to proclaim that he has earned his #3 spot in the rotation for the playoff push. This is the start that he needs to culminate everything together and shine. Because if Jon Lester is the only pitcher out of 5 that can give you a quality start and then some, every time out, you're going to be hard pressed to make it to October, let alone succeed. The Rays need not another inch of Daylight, they need a Shaquille O'Neal size boot in their ass to the backburner in the Wildcard Chase. Bring it on Tampa.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Tops at the Trop

On the Nights that Jon Lester pitches, you MUST win. The Sox did exactly that. Lester pitched 6 strong and could have gone 7 but with the game seemingly well in hand (up 6-2 at the time) Francona decided to save some of his bullets for October Baseball. Although the ensuing events were shall we say a clusterf*ck, Thank you Hideki Okajima, The W was secured and we move another game up on the Rays in the standings.

It's becoming a nightly occurrence that the Red Sox offense clubs 3+ HRs. I have now decided that Victor Martinez contributions to the team can best be described as Baseball Viagra. He keeps em UP when they're down, and when the batting order is flaccid he brings life back into the lineup. Bay, Youkilis, and the RED HOT JD Drew all walloped balls out of the ball park. The offense is clicking on all cylinders now and its great to see when our most consistent pitcher gives up 2 runs or Less he finally gets the win.

Tonight's game ball goes to that little Indian that plays centerfield. Jacoby "Everybody's Dreamboat" Ellsbury saved the game for the Red Sox tonight. Twice he flashed the leather with the catch in the 8^th all but securing the game for us. Holy shit a high risk high reward signing worked out for us. Billy Wagner came into last night's game and put a boot right up Joe Maddon's ass. Well played sir, well played. Enter Hideki Okajima. Dying Quail after Ducksnort after Texas Leaguer made this outing from the man they call 'Oki' all the more maddening. He let the first 5 runners reach base and let the potential tying run get on first base. With the score entering the inning at 7-2 and now at a dwindling 7-4, insert Heartattack Papelbon.

"The Dan Johnson Game" aside. Yeesh, that game still gives me a salty taste in my mouth. Papelbon has owned the Rays more than any other team in baseball during his tenure as a Boston Red Sox. Papelbon was the LOGICAL choice to bring in for the 2 inning save, especially with the rosters expanding yesterday. Papelbon entered with the bases loaded and he left with them loaded as well stranding their best scoring opportunity. This was not before the aforementioned Ellsbury heroics. Ellsbury broke in on a weekly hit liner and made a game saving, shoestring, diving catch to which a bonehead baserunning blunder cost the Rays another run. (How's that for alliteration?) It's pretty difficult to put into words the physical F YOU that Jacoby Ellsbury threw around on a night where the Sox needed to prove they can win on the road.

The 9^th was uneventful for Papelbon and the Red Sox got the save and the win. This does however leave them without their closer for at least Wednesday but this game did mean something for the Red Sox, and Francona played it to win. Now It's time for Josh Beckett to put up his middle finger to all of those Beckett Naysayers and Bobby Brown the Tampa Bay Rays. With your foot on their throat, don't let em breath. GO SOX!!!

Stay Tuned

Ryan

A Well Deserved Off Day

After bending the Blue Jays over (and doing them dry) with the sweep that took place in soggy Fenway this weekend, we headed into the off day on a high note and it couldn't have come at a better time. The regulars got a nice day of rest, and throwing Paul Byrd on Sunday set up our pitching PERFECTLY for this boogie down. Our triumvirate of Jon Lester, Josh Beckett, and Clay Buchholz will toe the slab against the once kicked around Rays in hopes to put them out of contention in this playoff race. With Texas doing their best Matthew Lillard dying impression ("I'm feeling woozy man." Ringing any bells?) from Scream they are going to need to make up some ground and FAST if they want to stay in this race.

All of those "low risk, high reward" players really seem to have panned out, eh? UGH. Well all the ones that needed to leave are now gone, and I'm convinced that Brad Penny is going to go 3-0 with at least one complete game for the Giants down the stretch. NO ONE, I REPEAT NO ONE wants to face a tandem like the Giants would throw at you in a short (5) OR long (7) series. Let's dream a bit: cue necessary squiggles to enhance dreamlike state.

The Red Sox and Giants in the World Series…Does anyone win game 1? I have a feeling if Josh Beckett and Tim Lincecum lock horns everyone is going to get a nice basket of shit sent to them every time they step up to the plate. Push. Game 2 is about as bad as Game 1 with Lester vs. Matt Cain. I can see another round of goose eggs for at least 9 innings in that one as well. Push. Clay Buchholz against Barry Zito. I will give the edge to the Buch just reminiscing about Game 5 of the 2003 ALCS (the infamous "suck it" from Derek Lowe). Game 4. I don't care who we throw out there Jonathan Sanchez is the X factor. So we're four games into the series and its tied 1-1 how the F does that happen? I'm not sure, but that is who I'm calling for in the World Series. Pitching Wins Ball Games Ladies and Gents' these teams have it.

So I know that the last 2 years haven't been very forgiving down at The Trop, but I've got a funny feeling that we are going to curb stomp the hell out of the Rays in this series. The fact that they have Andy Sonnanstine going in the first game opposing Jon Lester spells for a legitimate teabag right to the forehead of Joe Maddon. We've set up our pitching our regulars/bullpen got rest. Let's donkey punch these speedy sons 'a bitches!

Stay Tuned

Ryan