Nothing Brewin'

Meh. You may be asking yourself, was that a word? No, it's an exclamation. say it out loud. That's how I feel. It's tough to get by in the world already given the economic climate but when people are deliberately trying to sabotage you're candidacy for supremacy in this world it must be time to step your game up. I'll be honest, when I go to work, I really don't slack. I come here to get shit done. Take names and kick ass, if you will. So when someone (not someone that really matters in the big scheme of things) calls my effectiveness into question it really makes me want to slap a ho.

Anyway, as you know Secret Life was last night and I'm usually glued to the TV. But there were other more pressing needs that held my attention. The Seven Saltine Challenge! Now it's kind of awesome to have someone that will NEVER say no to a dare, that way you either don't look stupid first or at least know said task can get done. Well I'm convinced that this task can't be done. Seven Saltines in a minute. Try it! I heard about it on the radio, and dared my Best-Man-To-Be to down that shit like Steve Phillips would a hooker.

The end result was nothing short of monumental. On the first attempt he tried all seven crackers at once. Not surprisingly, he fit all of them in his mouth, but watching him arduously attempt to chew this was funnier than watching a cow chew cud. And it never fails at about 55 seconds you're ready to start to swallow them and there just isn't enough time left. So, being the macho man that he is he needs 7 more. Only this time he has devised a plan to go in sort of a 3-4 combo (3 first and then the remaining 4). Seems logical. NAHT!

Same result as all 7 at about 55 seconds you're ready to swallow and ya can't do it. Usually at this point I would be esophagus deep in Saltines but i wasn't feeling good (aka I needed Immodium, need I say more) so The First Lady and BOTN regular Money Mike decided to try their hands along with BMTB (best man to be). Well, Money Mike and BMTB both looked like extras in Planet of the Apes, with their lips protruding out so far with Saltines, and The First Lady couldn't hold her Saltines in her mouth from laughter so much so that it looked like a bag of sawdust was dumped on my floor.

Well, "stomach bug" or not I couldn't not try it right? So we are now a sleeve and a half into this brand new box of Saltines and I decide to give it a go. I'm not sure what was worse actually eating the saltines or the desert/paste-filled oasis that my mouth became upon embarking on this little challenge. Needless to say I made it to the 55 second mark and faltered (like a champ I may add) but I will be attempting this again on my little Saturday night Fiesta at la casa de Norton. Along with the tablespoon of cinnamon and tablespoon of cocoa mix. Dare to dream.

Stay Tuned

Ryan