Tradelbon

"Oh my god we're back again" By now I'm sure you've heard that the Red Sox signed Bobby Jenks to a 2-year 12 million dollar deal. First off, I LOVE THIS MOVE. But then I thought this guy has been a closer his entire career. He closed 27 of 31 last year; he throws strikes like you read about, and has a ground ball rate greater than 50%. So what is he doing signing with the Boston Red Sox, when the Sox have all-world, tougher than nails, wants to set the market for closers, Jonathan Papelbon? *rolls eyes*

This means one of two things. The first thing this could mean that Theo has compiled an onslaught of power arms for the 7^th, 8^th and 9^th innings and that he is prepared to let Papelbon walk after 2011. If it is in fact the stable of laser, rocket arms; this is exactly how you build a bullpen. ( Reliable Closer, Long man, one lefty, and 2-3 power arms.) This is also "closer insurance" if Papelbon gets hurt during the year and when (not if) Papelbon leaves after 2011. I refuse to believe that Jenks signed here without ever having the possibility of closing, when he could have signed with the Rays, potentially the Rangers if they wanted to move Feliz to the rotation, or a handful of other clubs that needed a closer.

The second thing this could mean is that Papelbon is on the block. Jon Heyman reported earlier that he keeps hearing rumblings involving Papelbon's name. I don't know what you get for someone in his situation (a 5^th year arbitration case, who intends to be the highest paid closer) but if they do then this is exactly what I thought they'd do, BLOW UP THIS PEN. They've already gotten rid of Ram-Ram, Delcarmen, and Okajima. Papelbon would be the last of the bunch. As a group last year they walked so many batters that it was almost impossible to win ballgames and a wonder they won as many as they did. What they're doing now is signing guys that challenge hitters and put the ball over the plate. Because as we know, you can't defend the walk.

Going back to what I said earlier about how you build a bullpen let's look at what they have out there.

Reliable Closer- Say what you want about my use of the word reliable, but despite Papelbon's decline in velocity, and uptick in walks, ERA and WHIP he has been one of the top 5 closers in baseball the last 5 years.

Long Reliever- Tim Wakefield, I wish he'd just retire but I suppose he's good for one more year knowing he is the mop up/spot start guy and gets rid of that my shit don't stink entitlement attitude.

Lefty- This is Felix Doubront's spot to lose but when the Sox re-sign Rich Hill he could give him a run for his money being more familiar with the Reliever position and the act that Doubront has options left.

Power Arms- Off the top of my head I can't think of a better Set-Up man than Daniel Bard so he's the only non question mark in the bunch

     Bobby Jenks could be one of the best signing in recent memory if he takes to the set-up roll/ 7^th inning slot but after a down year he isn't a sure thing

     Matt Albers can throw the shit out of the ball but has been pretty inconsistent thus far in his career this is a make or break year for him as far as turning "stuff" into stats.

According to sources the Sox just reached a deal with Andrew Miller who will compete with Albers and/or Doubront for the final spot in the bullpen, but a lefty that throws 96, if the Sox can get him to be more consistent in the zone he's absolutely going to be a weapon, think Matt Thornton.

I'll give my prediction as to what I think will actually happen in just a second, but let's look at who the potential trade suitors could be.

Los Angeles Dodgers- The Dodgers couldn't figure out Jonathan Broxton last year and wonder if they'd invest in a different closer with their McCourt Divorce finally coming to a close. A Papelbon for Broxton swap with maybe the sox throwing in some Cash considerations? I don't think that's out of the question.

Texas Rangers- They have been talking about getting Neftali Feliz's wing in the starting rotation and if they don't get another starter I wonder if Papelbon to Texas maybe for like Michael Young or someone like that and then Young plays short, which would then require a Scutaro trade. Michael Young makes about 16 mil annually but is also on the hook for next year too, that would take some tweaking as far as money.

St. Louis Cardinals- Once again there would have to be some configuring with money because I don't think there is a bad contract that they have the Sox would want to take on, but the Cardinals closer Ryan Franklin said he wants to retire after his contract.

Atlanta Braves- This would be out of character for them but with Billy Wagner retiring and Takashi Saito being horrible, they may want to think about it, and Papelbon dominates the NL.

 

If I had to venture a guess I say Papelbon will still be a Red Sox come Spring Training because the Red Sox may subscribe to the contract year theory with regards to his upcoming performance. But this new addition to the bullpen is another great piece to what looks to be a promising 2011.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

This Offseason is Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S

I have a bit of a conundrum going on right now. The Red Sox have a TON of money left to spend this winter and they've already acquired an impact bat (Adrian Gonzalez) for prospects and only garnering 6 million in new salary towards this year's ballclub. The key to this theory is the fact that the Red Sox haven't officially announced the contract extension with Gonzalez and trust me, it's in place, you don't give away those prospects without knowing you're signing this guy. I have a theory that I know what the Red Sox are doing with the rest of the offseason.

With the recent rumors of Carlos Beltran becoming available and the Red Sox showing interest, in what would most likely be a bad contract Swap, in steps One Daisuke Matsuzaka. Beltran has one year 18.5 million remaining on his contract and the Mets are rumored to be offering 10 million in relief on that albatross and Matsuzaka has 2 years at 10 mil per. (Side Note: Marco Scutaro makes 5 million this year). The Mets need pitching like you read about with Santana out to start the season, (see Side Note) they also need a second baseman and this deal makes SO MUCH SENSE. Beltran is also open now to playing a corner and with his diminished range in the outfield playing Left in Fenway Park would be perfect. Matsuzaka's NL splits are more than adequate and you would fill 2 positional needs, 3 if you count getting rid of Beltran since the relationship has soured. This would fit everyone's needs more than effectively.

Before I go any further, I want to point out that the rivalry between the Yankees and Red Sox is in such a lull prior to this offseason that it was time to spark it back up. Enter Mariano Rivera. He was a free agent and the best closer available, and when the Yankees were offering only 1 year the Red Sox came in and tried to swoop in and bottle him up with more years. Loyalty prevailed, but you know this chafed Brian Cashman's behind. What is the Yankees most important need this offseason, and what could the Red Sox possibly do in order to really get up in the Steinbrenner's craw?

Cliff Lee has been offered a 7-year deal by a mystery team. According to Washington sources, it wasn't their club. The Yankees, have said they will NOT go farther than 6 years. The Rangers, I think, are going to look at getting younger and attempt to acquire Zack Greinke and will only go 5 years on Cliff Lee. This potential move, would not only give the Red Sox the best rotation in BASEBALL HISTORY, it will be almost impossible for the Yankees to overcome.

The Sox after factoring in Beltran (8-10 million dollar salary) and Gonzalez (6.1 million dollar salary), you're looking at 40 million or so left to spend. If you give Cliff Lee his 7^th year you'll only have to sign him to a 20 million dollar annual salary and you'll still have 10 + million to spend on your bullpen which is in DIRE need of fixing, which is certainly attainable given the talent on the market and the funds you have left allotted for it.

This sounds far-fetched, but let's looks at the math. 178 million is the salary threshold you can get to without paying a luxury tax.

With all the retirements and dead money coming off the books you start with between 40 and 45 million dollars to spend.

Let's call it 45 for arguments sake.

45 (total) – 6 (approx Gonzo deal)=39 million

39 (total) – 8 (approx Beltran deal with salary relief)= 31 million

31 (total) – 20 (approx Lee Deal)= 11 million

11 million to fulfill bullpen needs.

The money works, all we need now is the nut sack to do it!

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Attention V-Mart Shoppers

If I could load audio files onto this friggin thing there would be a quick snip-it from Staind's "Been a While" at the inception of this post but a simple, "What's cookin' probably never gonna be good lookin?" is going to have to do.

So I hear a certain big-name, switch hitting, middle of the order, catcher just left Beantown for Motown and everyone just as soon jump off the Tobin instead of thinking this through and look at what has already been put before us. Before I get into the provisions that make this non-move by the Sox acceptable let's look at the reports on what happened with negotiations.

First off, let me say, THE SOX DIDN'T WANT HIM, IF THEY WANTED HIM THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN AGGRESSIVE (see Matsuzaka Daisuke, Drew JD, and Lackey John). This is not only evidenced by their pedestrian attempt in re-signing him but the paltry offer of 2 years 22 million they offered him in season. It should be noted that if I were Martinez I would be offended by this offer and the corresponding 3 year 36 mil and 4 year 42 million dollar deals from a big market club.

Despite the progress(and it was noticeable) that he made throughout the season on his pop-times to second base or any base for that matter, it was like watching Johnny Damon behind the dish and although they won't admit it, it put undue stress on the pitchers especially Buchholz. When your pitchers have ABSOLUTELY no faith in the arm behind the plate subconsciously they are going to think about trying to make a more perfect pitch, they are going to throw more fastballs in order to get the ball to the plate quicker for the catcher and in turn become much easier to hit because of the overabundance of fastballs.

Detroit has lots of money right now and was very aggressive, as they were with signing Joaquin Benoit last week. The owner wants to win now, and since he is majority owner of all 4 of the major sports in Detroit and the other three leagues have pretty stringent salary caps all of his surplus of funds can go into the Tigers. According to sources from a Venezuelan outlet:

"Serrano reported that Martinez was offered four years and $48 million from the Orioles and three years and $48 million from the White Sox. Why he would take $12.5 million a year from Detroit and pass up $16 million a year from Chicago isn't clear."

If you'll notice that he passed up almost 4 million dollars it's clear that it's contingent on him catching for the duration or for most of the length of his contract, which is clearly not what the Red Sox had in mind…And if you can honestly say you want to see how slow he is to second base 3 to 4 years from now, then you clearly don't deserve to be reading this blog.

So Now what? I'll also say that if they go into the season and don't make a splash in some way in the free agent market, my stance on Martinez leaving changes considerably. I am also resigned to the fact that Beltre is gone as well…So now you need to replace 45-50 HRs and 150-175 RBI. That's not going to be easily done, but there are a couple things you could do:

I personally, am satisfied with Saltalamacchia behind the plate, but if you're not and you think he should be the backup there are options and I think they go in this order.

1. You could talk Bengie Molina out of retirement (he loves 1-year deals so that shouldn't be an issue if he wants to still play). Historically he has hit well at Fenway Park.
   

   Split G GS PA AB HR RBI BA OBP SLG OPS TB BAbip tOPS+
   

   BOS- 33 32 128 118 5 17 .288 .323 .492 .814 58.276 125
   

2. They've had interest in Miguel Olivo, and he could be another mentor type until "Salty" is ready to take the reigns
   
3. Mike Napoli, he's expendable out in Anaheim but if you are going to trade for him you're going to sign him to a multi-year deal as to protect the investment you've spent with minor leaguers.
   

You need to remember this with Saltalamacchia though, they have coveted him (Theo specifically) so much so they almost traded him for Buchholz straight up. He is most likely going to be the backstop of the future for the Sox, the only question is whether the future is now, or next year? I believe it's this year. And for those who think that Atlanta doesn't get rid of many can't miss prospects (that is a pretty fair point) but at the time he was one of the centerpieces of a MARK TEIXEIRA trade! The Braves had Brian McCann in their pipeline and therefore deemed Jarrod an unproven commodity.

Now that the catching situation is resolved let's look at the middle of the lineup. Well, right now I'd rather not look at it. That being said it's my job to fix it and if you are to take the Ownership by their word, ("We will make a big free agent signing, an impact trade, and improve the bullpen") and I will for one more offseason until I start pointing fingers I think it could go something like this:

I would classify Adam Dunn as a big name free agent. I could see a deal where you pay him more than he may be worth to play 1B for only 2011 and then you make him the DH after 2011 when Ortiz has moved on. You pay him like a first basemen even though he's playing DH, that's what he's been worried about with regards to his upcoming deal. I say Adam Dunn because you need to keep the balance in your lineup so I your losing a lefty (Martinez) you need to replace him. I also could see them doing the exact same thing they did with Adrian Beltre, with Carlos Pena. Let him re-establish his value on a one year deal in a hitter's park (who consequently is moving the right field fence in) and play spectacular defense and then make a big splash after 2011 on Adrian Gonzalez, Albert Pujols, or Prince Fielder.

This isn't the only thing that needs to be done. You've still got a hole to fill and that's in left field. The answer isn't Carl Crawford, it has to be a righty to keep with the balance theme. I UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WOULD EVER SIGN JAYSON WERTH. He is a late bloomer and has an injury history, NO THANKS!. You need to make a trade. This is where it's time to cash in all those prospects. The only prospect that I do NOT trade is Jose Iglesias, everyone else is available for the right deal. You need to look at a righty with power that can hit 6 in your lineup. I WISH it would be Ryan Braun, more so because the nickname The Hammerin Hebrew sounds like a porn stars nickname, but I just don't see him being available even if we gave him every prospect in our system, but if a deal is to be had than it needs to get done.. But another couple names that could be interesting would be:

• Andrew McCutcheon- I could be completely be completely off base but if you wanted him you could have him by giving Pittsburgh pitching prospects (Doubront and another) and an OFer that projects well in the big leagues. Ryan Kalish, Jacoby Ellsbury or someone like that in the Sox System.
  
• Justin Upton- You'd have to blow the Diamondbacks away, but when you have a player who's career OPS at his age is in line with players like Albert Pujols, Mickey Mantle and Miguel Cabrera you get that deal done if possible.
  
• Michael Cuddyer- He's older than the other guys, but I'm wondering if you could maybe do a Beckett or Lackey Swap for him? The Twins are desperately in need of pitching if they ever want to get out of the first round. And the players are both of comparable age and salary. Possible, maybe?
  
• Carlos Quentin- The White Sox are always wheeling and dealing I'm not sure what they would need/want but I wonder I he could be had?
  

I'm not saying that any of these things WILL happen, but if they did, then it would make the loss of Martinez a little more palatable. They have another 4.5 months until the start of the 2011 season and 40 million to spend and many potentially moveable pieces. Anyone that thinks that this team won't be improved somehow is mistaken, but let it be known if they go into the season with Mike Cameron as a starter and don't make a splash in free agency, this will go down as one of the biggest shams, and Shit Shows in Boston history. Rest assured there will be a blog about that too, fact not opinion.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Swinging for the Fences

Brought to you by the same folks that gave you the Monster Seats, Red Sox Nation Membership Cards, and 8 dollar hot dogs; In 2011 we will be graced with the presence of Bullpen Seats!!!! *Crickets* The Sox are bringing the fences in Right Field. According to them it is a pure comfortability move for the relievers, because they are too cramped when warming up. The League recommends 29 feet wide Fenway's pens are 21. So you're looking at a cool 10 foot shallower fence in the once spacious right field.

Ya know what, do what you want with your money but don't play it off like you're doing it for the players when come to find out there may be a new quirk to this expansion. Gary Thorne (Orioles Broadcaster) has ties in the Sox organization and seems to think there will be seats in front of the bullpen. Cue the Duckboats, here's the latest attraction to charge 200 dollars per seat.

But instantly my mind starts trying to figure out why else do this other than revenue (as if that isn't their only thought, 24/7). Power. Looking at your lineup right now you're losing a 3, 5, and 6 hitter from a healthy Boston lineup. That means you need some thunder. However there is no premier slugger on the market. Here's my thought: You need a 3 hitter to bat after Dustin and before Youkilis. Crawford would seem to be a great fit in anyone's lineup nevertheless he isn't a power hitter and to hit 3^rd in Boston you're going to need to hit 20 HRs a year minimum. So what do you do if a player can't hit for more power? Bring the fences in. Let's say the Sox get outbid for Crawford and need a secondary option, Jayson Werth has a right-center power stroke and moving the fences in here would be almost reminiscent of the confines in Philadelphia as far as distance. So by moving the fences in for THIS free agent class we'll call it, in a word, Insta-Thump.

How else does this affect the Red Sox lineup? Well Pedroia and Youkilis smoke line drives to right-center all the time and they are short hopping the wall or getting ground rule doubles this will allow our righties to hit for more pop as well. As for the lefties, JD Drew and David Ortiz (if option is picked up, or deal is reached) are not getting any younger and would most likely regress in their power stroke. This will enable them to continue to be productive even when the ball isn't completely scorched to put a few more runs than expected up on the board.

The Red Sox despite what they say monitor everything the Yankees do and they have seen how the launching pad in the Bronx has made their team almost unbeatable at home. Well since The Steroid Era is complete and this team is no longer a perfect fit at Fenway, the front office needs to adapt. Everyone says this lineup needs more thump and when thump isn't available via trade or free agency this is the next best thing.

Stay Tuned

Norton

The Rebuilding Effort and WS Picks

It's been a hella long time. I haven't talked to you in a while but I figured I'd let you know what I would do with next years' Sox team in order to bring back our beloved Beantown back to the postseason.

In terms of the 3 big free agents we have:

You re-sign Victor Martinez to a 3-4 year deal at 13 million…BUT you make sure the provision that he is not setting foot behind the plate He spends 75% of the time as the primary DH and spot starts at 1B and C when your catcher needs a day. You would be overpaying him as a DH but because of his versatility you are covered with injuries therefore I wouldn't view it as overpaying.

Being that Victor is the DH that means I don't think you re-sign Ortiz. We've seen what big bodied aging sluggers look like (see Mo Vaughn, Cecil Fielder and other players of that ilk), take the draft picks.

Beltre is a HUGE question mark to me. I LOVED HIM all year but there is something to him being healthy in contract years and performing….I'd love to sign him but no more than 15 mil per season and no more than 4 seasons…Someone will probably go 16 for 4 or a 5^th year…if that's the case I don't want him. If you can't sign him you could look into trading for a Chone Figgins or (maybe even David Wright, I've seen many reports about a re-build for the Mets) Here's the big issue though…after this year there is a triumvirate of 1B's to hit free agency (Albert Pujols, Prince Fielder, Adrian Gonzalez) if you think you can sign any one of those guys you don't make the deal for a 3B.

On a related side note, I do NOT move Kevin Youkilis (A Gold Glove First basemen) unless you get one of the 3 first basemen mentioned in the previous paragraph. Just because he is able to play 3B does not mean he should be playing there. He's a top 15 player in the Majors offensively when healthy and he gets less wear and tear at First Base.

Then you are missing two prominent power bats from your lineup. My solution is to trade for Andre Ethier. He is a left-handed, Triple Crown threat, and he's Pedroia's best friend to boot. He would play left field and would be cheaper than both Crawford and Werth and doesn't have the injury history. You can't have Crawford and Ellsbury in the same lineup. Ellsbury would bitch even more (than his wipe front to back monologue)if he got moved out of the leadoff hole. Carol Crawford is also not a 3 hitter which should be the perfect blend of power, speed and average he clearly has the speed and average but power is not his MO. The Dodgers need pitching and Daisuke's numbers against the NL are actually quite good. Daisuke, Ellsbury and maybe a Michael Bowden would probably be enough for Ethier.

SS is an issue for me. Scutaro was admirable for playing through what he did but his defense was so bad at the end of the season it was more painful to watch than his shoulder was for him. I'd LOVE to give Lowrie a shot there and make Scutaro the util for the IF. Lowrie when healthy has hit in every level of baseball and although it is a risk to assume health when every time the wind blows he gets scurvy or some variation of a disease that hasn't seen the light of day in a century.

The bullpen needs 3 arms. Okajima is gone, he has to be. I'd pick up Scott Downs, Jason Frasor and one of Kerry Wood, JJ Putz or Kyle Farnsworth. Papelbon is a weird case for me. You can't trade him without getting an arm in return. The White Sox have a stable of arms and I'm wondering if they would want Papelbon since Jenks has been ineffective for a while and maybe we could get Thornton in return and make Bard the closer?

With the proposed trade that would send Daisuke to LA you have an opening in your rotation. I'd LOVE to see Felix Doubront get a shot. He should incredible poise and as far as I'm concerned was very effective in the time he was there. Wakefield is another strange case because all indications are that he's not effective, yet he can still eat innings. His role would still be in the mop up/spot start and he has to accept it. If not then you move on and buy him out for 1.25 mil instead of the 2 that he's owed.

Lineup-

Lowrie/Scuatro-SS

Pedroia-2B

Ethier-LF

Youkilis-1B

Martinez-DH

Beltre/Wright-3B

Drew-RF

Saltalamacchia-C

Kalish-CF

 

Rotation

Lester

Buchholz

Beckett

Lackey

Doubront/offseason pick-up

 

Bullpen

 

Wakefield

Rich Hill

Downs

Frasor

(1 of Putz, Wood, Farnsworth)

Bard

Papelbon or Thornton

 

Theo has already gone on record saying that the bullpen will be re-made, so that is why I expect a HUGE turnover for next year's pen and there should be movement in lineup too. The complimentary pieces (Drew and Ortiz) are both much worse than league average against lefties and April is what cost us being more in the race and we have to play a full 162 to win the division in 2011.

 

There may be something to the whole Beckett in even years (when he is average to utterly attrocious at best) compared to odd years (when he seems to dominate) and in case you aren't observant next year ends in a 1. I should have seen the whole Lackey to the AL East transition year coming; I really should have and would have adjusted my projections accordingly. It happens with everyone that comes from a weaker division and I'm so much better than that.

 

As for the playoffs this fall

I have the series going as such:

Yankees over Twins in 4

Rangers over Rays in 4

Phillies over Reds in 3

Giants over Braves in 4

I don't see any of these series going the 5 game distance and expect the LCS's to be MUCH better.

 

Rangers over Yankees in 6

Phillies over Giants in 7

 

The Rangers pitching staff will stymie the Yankees especially with their two left-handed monster of Lee and Wilson. The Yankees Pitching is in shambles and because CC will throw Game 4 of the ALDS he won't be able to start again till Game 2 or 3 of the Championship series.

If anyone is going to challenge the Phillies in the NL its going to be the Giants. Tim Lincecum in the playoffs I think you're going to see the resurgence in his velocity because of the adrenaline of pitching in the postseason, and he is going to have a postseason to remember. Lincecum vs. Halladay Game 7? Sign me up.

 

Rangers over Phillies in 6

Originally I had the Phillies but I'm switching. Am I the only one that sees the symmetry of Cliff Lee pitching against the Phillies in the WS. This could be EPIC if he gets matched up with Halladay and you could see some of the best pitched games in WS history. But ultimately I think that the 2 lefties that the Phillies will have to face could neutralize Howard and Utley and will make the Rangers the Champs of Baseball.

 

 

 

Painting the Corners

Alright, I'll gladly take the verbal beating that I have coming to me after not posting for damn near a month. But I'm hoping that this post at least nullify the urge to cut off my blogging balls for at least a little while. Now being that the economy is in shambles and I clearly don't wipe my ass with crisp 100 dollar bills, I need to find a way to make a little extra money on the side, and I was a little tired from selling myself on the corner from the night before that I thought painting would be a relaxing alternative.

So bright and early on Sunday morning I'm slapping the latex on (wow that doesn't sound right) a door and frame. Because the door has to stay open, I was basically sitting in their house the entire time, thus being able to overhear (not eavesdrop because I'm 100% focused on painting) everything going on in the living room. Let me preface by saying, the reason that I'm painting/installing this door is because the guy broke his leg in like 5 places and is hobbling around on crutches. Back to the Present. I recognize a familiar theme song on the television and I couldn't quite put my finger on it until the shows tagline came on, let's see if you can guess before the tagline: "You say you want to be a player. But your wheels ain't fly. You gotta hit us up, to get a pimped out ride. PIMP MY RIDE!!!" I'll say first, 2004 called and they want their 1992 Celica back. Second, does Xzibit do anything anymore? Third, are there no more cars in the world to fix 'cause I have a 98 Grand Am that could use a little paint, can you throw a brotha a bone?

It wasn't really the fact that they were watching this show it was the commentary and silly banter between the homeowners that came along with it. At one point I think I heard: "Is there ever any white people on this show? Or at least a white person that isn't trying to be black?" This induced a loud snort but I played it off as a "snough" or sneeze cough that sort of sounded like I was hacking up an anvil. But could that not be more true?

The second thing was the SLAYING of Xzibit. "God damn, this guy looks like Scooby Doo with Corn rows." I actually had to get up and go outside and laugh my ass off because that is probably the most accurate thing I've ever heard, and the fact that they were watching a show that shows music videos and blasts X's name everywhere all over the show and they had no idea who he is cracks me up.

The last thing, was this guy who is clearly a car guy as evidenced by the Fast and the Furious type car sitting in the garage I was drooling over. He made a comment about how "those wheels are garbage, but I think we should put those doors on your (his wife's) car." Then she made some sort of snide remark and you could hear him run-crutching around to try to catch her but she was just running away. And I was like, what kind of cold heartless woman does that to a clearly broken man. Woman needs to be taught a lesson. Straight crutch to the crotch sounds about right, k thanks.

April Showers Bring May Power

Just when you thought it was safe to write the Red Sox off. They turn in essentially a weeks' worth of DOMINATING starting performances, John Lackey Aside, and win 5 of their last 6 to put them only 2.5 games out of a wildcard spot. I realize that May hasn't even ended yet but Tampa looks to be on a collision course with Destiny to win the AL East, so I think the Wildcard would be a solid goal at this point.

Who was this Daisuke Matsuzaka guy that pitched on Saturday, and when did we sign him. I remember this other Japanese guy that every fifth day sort of Rollie-Pollied his way out to the mound for about 3 and 2/3 innings and after 700 pitches he'd call it a day. But whomever this guy was. I like him. No I don't just like him I respect him. The real question though is what to do behind the plate when MatsuWalka starts. The splits between the two catchers per start is downright scary. Dice-K's ERA is under 1 when Varitek catches him and over 7 when Martinez catches him. Francona won't put a stamp on "personal catchers" but what other choice does he have at this point? Every time Varitek catches him all of his pitches seem to have extra life, bite, and break and he dominates teams. We almost have no choice but to get the most out of what I was/am almost ready to call a bust. But if he can turn this season into a respectable 15-win affair, I have no choice but to call it a success thus far and last season was an aberration.

Tim, Timmy, Timmah, who's got the keys to my Beamah? I'm not going to lie I went in thinking we had to take the first two games of the Philadelphia series because I was saying there is absolutely no way Shakey Wakey was going to out duel Doc, but holy Christ did Wakefield just teabag the shit out of the Phillies lineup yesterday. 8 MASTERFUL innings. I honestly thought he was too old to get out there and walk up the dugout steps 8 times a game let alone pitch that well. So this is pitching depth eh? I like it a lot *said in my Bruce Almighty voice*.

Remember how I said that the Yankees would finally show their age? Bitch what's up now. They are in a horrible tailspin lately with Posada out over a month, Rivera was banged up but he's back to being immortal, Jeter is struggling for the first time in YEARS at the plate. And Pettite is VERY hittable despite his sterling numbers. Teixeira isn't hitting, and now fortunately for the Sox, he's pressing. He's trying to swing too hard to hit 6 home runs with one swing and its killing him every time. The Best player on their team right now is Robinson Cano, whom I ever so slyly picked to win the AL Batting Title, and that's not good since he's your 9^th highest paid player. They are going to fall and it could be soon, since the rest of the league is starting to figure out CC. Burnett is hit or miss and will be until he starts losing velocity. He'll go out there with no-hit capability every time he steps out on the mound but when you get to him you'll get to him hard. Phil Hughes however has finally lived up to the hype that was surrounding him for the better part of 5 years. He's dominating out on the mound and he's pitching like the ace of the staff.

We now end our tumultuous 13 game stretch of playing all playoff caliber/Division leading teams with the Rays before our schedule lightens up immensely and we can really get back into this division. But we're going to go out there with Buchholz Lester and Lackey. Our 3 best pitchers all things considered thus far and if we can take 2 out of 3, we will be in phenomenal shape. We would have gone 8-5 in our most difficult stretch of the season and that's pretty impressive considering the quality of opponents that we played in the last 2 weeks. And I'm back on the Wildcard Bandwagon.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

This Bathroom Has Serious Issues

Ok for everyone that has read this blog you know about the serious problem I have with people not knowing bathroom etiquette. When I say "bathroom etiquette" I mean go in there, pull out your shmeckle or drop your dockers and do your business and get the fuck out. There are no pleasantries needed in a bathroom because for the most part everything that happens in the facilities isn't all that pleasant. I like to think of the bathroom in the same way some douche bag would treat his women: Get in, Get off, Get out. Obviously I don't mean go into the bathroom and pull pud, but get in there and Nike man, just do it.

So today's excursion sort of starts like any other day. I'm sitting at my desk when the sensation arises that I need to use 'the Loo'. Hindsight being 20/20 that was just the beginning of my problems. I make the long arduous trip outside the office and open the bathroom door. I walk in to some cock block staring at me with a smile reminiscent of Jack Nicholson in Batman. As alarming, and awkward as this is what happens next was simply mortifying. He looked at me while holding his sausage and gave me a wave that some guy on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy would do when the designer walks in. Ya know a sort of, "TootleLoo". I mean I wanted to slap the fabulous right out of this guy just for acknowledging my presence in a bathroom but you're going to do that. I'm all for pretending to act all Ross from Friends (If he's not gay, he should be) when I'm in my inner circle just because it funny but this guy took it up a notch. I may be reaching in saying this guy wasn't retarded but it's only because he had a Bluetooth on bigger than most cucumbers. So, I might be going out on a limb when I say I doubt this guy has Downs' or Aspbergers. So what exactly was this guys deal?

So now, completely flabbergasted, I go into my stall. I'm doing what I set out to do and this guy walks in and starts hocking a loogie. This is not some regular "hock-tuey" this is as if he's trying to get an anvil from his esophagus and then after about 10 seconds of hocking you just hear this massive thud like you dropped a ten pound weight on a hollow floor. And I broke my vow of silence, essentially rule number 1, and dropped a, "are you fucking kidding me". The guy just chortled. I say chortled because he sounded like a fat guy. And doesn't 'chortled' just sound like something a fat guy would do?

Just so that I don't get my nuts cut off I realize that I've been lax when it has came to posting of late, but I really don't see the need to reiterate the fact that the Sox are playing more like a 7 year old, girls, Special Ed softball team more than need be. But I'm going to see Joe Mauer on Wednesday. I'm not going to see the Red Sox. I'm going to see Joe Mauer and the Twins because despite a non-ace on the team they still play the shit out of the game. But here's my dilemma. Last year I had tickets to see the Rays for Opening Day but I had taken the day off ahead of time so this game had to be played that day. On the way down on the train I check my phone and the goddamn Boston Globe has OPENING DAY CANCELLED, all over the front page. Now the weather this week is by and large optimistic, except for the one friggin day that I have tickets for the Red Sox. There's a 50% chance of showers and every other day doesn't even say so much as partly cloudy. You gotta be five finger, finger-blasting me. Ugh.

But in case you wanted the wisdom of one blogger what do the Sox need to do to win. There are a few things.

• Get Ellsbury and Cameron back in the lineup because running out Darnell McDonald, Bill Hall and Jonathan Van Every is really exposing the Red Sox. Because McDonald crushes fastballs but can't hit offspeed if he knew it was coming (which he clearly doesn't), as for Bill Hall there's a reason that the Brewers cut bait with him and Van Every is nothing more than a 9^th inning pinch runner especially in the AL East. Bill Hall while versatile is such a liability with his bat that ANY call up would be better as long as they can play infield short and 3B.
  
• The Scott Schoenweis Experiment has been an abomination. He has no life on his fastball, no break on his breaking pitches and looks like a little leaguer with Babe Ruth at the plate every time he humps the rubber. Call up a minor leaguer. I don't care which one, they couldn't be any worse than Schoenweis is.
  
• Very soon, teams will either come down to earth or fall out of contention. Something has to be done…This team needs a 3 and a 5 hitter. Victor Martinez is doing his best Ortiz impression and he looks like a mess at the plate. I don't know who you can get…but you need to get people to produce.
  
• The DH situation needs to be rectified. Pick one. And get rid of the other one. Ortiz is hot now and is getting around on balls he wasn't just 2 weeks ago. It doesn't matter what you get back for either player you need to get rid of one because it is painstakingly obvious that it's causing a nuisance in the clubhouse. Honestly I'd like to get rid of both of them. But I don't' think there's any way you eat 24 million dollars for one year.
  
• This run prevention thing is a great theory. But this group of players, hasn't made it happen. Don't believe me…check out these stats…it's frightening.
  

If these things get rectified the team will make a run. If they don't you're looking at an 82 win team…let's see the sell out streak then…yikes.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

How do you know when you’ve had a bad day?

So here on the Seacoast in the big town of New Hampshire it is a windy day. I will even go out on a limb and call it downright blustery. I'm not sure the exact criteria to qualify for gale force winds but let's just say, Shit was turbulent.

Have you ever just watched and marveled at the stupidity of people. It's one of my favorite pastimes. Some people collect bottle caps, Tiger Woods pounds vag, I watch and make fun of stupid people. Well when I decided to leave a local eatery (he says wiping the Baconator off his mouth) I noticed a man probably mid 20's with a painting ensemble on. And being a former painter I did NOT envy him on these days where the wind is legitimately blowing harder than any Helen Hunt movie. But he's out there watching papers blow by at a pretty disgusting clip, and you can tell he's thinking, "Goddamn this shit is moving pretty fast."

So naturally what do you think this bonehead did next? He spits this Ace Ventura like load straight into the wind and we all know what happens. That shit hit him STRAIGHT IN THE FACE. I'm talking some like Family Double Dare, Pie in the Face, D in the A embarrassment and you're probably thinking, "I hope you offered him a hanky." Nope I pointed, laughed and nearly fell off the curb doubled over in laughter. It was the ultimate face scrape of shame while he was trying to squeegee the saliva and mucus off of his face. Classic.

On a baseball note, Jon Lester, HEEEEEEEEEEE'S BAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK. He clearly already turned his calendar to May when he railed Toronto with a donkey punch yesterday to the tune of 1 hit through 7 innings. He is locked in now. I'm proclaiming it. He found his sea legs and now will be going on one of those runs that separates the men from the boys, as he carves up opposing lineups. Look out world Lester is back with his fucking stick, or arm.

So I've been thinking and I may have to eat some words. No not the public disfiguring of Manny DelCarmen that still stands true. But the whole not being on Clay Buchholz bandwagon brigade has set sail. I did agree that it was his spot not Wakefield's when they moved the knuckler to the 'pen, but Clay Buchholz is coming into his own. I think he has figured it out. For the first time EVER in any of his starts that I've seen him without that 'deer in the headlights' look and had a 'watch me fuck you with this baseball' look and I've never been so horny just thinking about it. This was never more evident than when Adrian "huge swing tiny testes" Beltre had a bootsie and Buchholz picked him up to get through the 8^th inning. If this is what the Sox were so patiently waiting for I think they have finally hit pay dirt. I stand corrected if he is going to throw like he has his last two starts out for the rest of the season and I could honestly seeing him be a 15 game winner this year!

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Ryan Howard’s Contract

Well, Ryan Howard is one rich Motherfucker. 5 years for 125 mil. I'm going to be honest I might be one of a handful of people that doesn't see anything wrong with this deal for the player other than the fact that they didn't need to pay him right now.

The main qualms that I have with this deal is that it could hamstring the Phillies with regards to the potential signing of Jayson Werth. With the money they just gave to Ryan Howard, why couldn't they have at least offered Cliff Lee market value for 4 years and try to have both Halladay and Lee anchoring their rotation. Lastly, they didn't need to do this deal now. Have that number in the back of your head and wait until the end of his current deal. Howard still had 2 years left on his deal and if you're the Phillies you need to find a way to keep Jayson Werth at the end of the season. Without Werth anchoring down their outfield in terms of power they would no longer be head and shoulders above everyone else because of the quality depth of his lineup.

Everyone says, "Mo Vaughn, move over, here's another albatross." But I disagree wholeheartedly. The Phillies and baseball evaluators told him his defense sucked so what has he done? Went into the offseason focused on making defense his priority. When the same people told him that his body type wasn't conducive to players that have the sort of longevity in the league (see Cecil Fielder, Mo Vaughn, David Ortiz), he goes out and shaves 30 lbs of flab and amazingly doesn't lose any power at the Dish. He has put in the work necessary to become one of the premier sluggers in the league and he deserves to be rewarded.

The logical question is what does this mean for the rest of the 1^st base class: Pujols, Gonzalez, and Fielder.

Regarding Pujols- Not a fucking thing. This guy right now is a Hall of Famer and he just turned 30. Which means he has at the very least 5 more years of maximum production and he is the best baseball player on the planet. He plays defense BETTER than any first baseman in the league and of all the Hall of Fame 1^st baseman. He hits for average like Pete Rose and Ty Cobb, yet has that raw Mantle and Aaron Power. You don't look at anyone's contract when you start the bidding for Pujols. You give him a blank check and say, "fill it in, I'm going to smile and know that I'm extending one of the top 3 all-around best baseball players that ever lived."

Gonzalez- You give Gonzalez the median between Teixeira and Howard. He's the same age as Tex and while I consider him a bigger power threat, Tex has him in the defense category even though Adrian isn't anyone to scoff at. Howard will hit for more power than Gonzalez but I consider Adrian the better all-around hitter. Gonzalez defense is leaps and bounds however above Howard's improved defense. 6-7 years 165 sounds good to me.

Fielder- He hits piss missiles but his defense is so bad that it will hurt him in Free Agency despite Boras being his agent. I can see Fielder getting the smallest contract of the three and it will still probably eclipse 125 mil. Because it's hard to dispel 50 taters and 140 Ribs. You can look between 5-6 years 130.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Getting into the Swing of Things

It's been a while since a talked about baseball and there is a LOT on the slate… I'm going to try and cover everything swirling about in this semi-disfigured head of mine, in a series of bullet notes. Yeah that should do it.

• The Red Sox have been abysmal. I chose them to win over 100 games under the premise that they would be playing Gold Glove defense and Cy Young caliber pitching every night. That hasn't been the case. While I am positive that the pitching is going to be STRONG very soon, the injuries in the outfield, and inconsistency at shortstop have REALLY been detrimental to the defensive aspect of 'pitching and defense' mantra.
  
• The Sox NEED a catcher. Nope, wrong, they need a STARTING catcher. Victor Martinez should NEVER be allowed NEAR the plate unless he has a bat in his hand and Varitek cannot endure the rigors of an entire season at his age. Solution: Chris Iannetta, Mike Napoli, Kurt Suzuki, Chris Snyder. Iannetta is involved in a platoon, he's from Rhode Island and is a VERY good defensive catcher all around that can swing the stick despite his slow start. Mike Napoli is going to be expendable once Jeff Mathis comes back from an injury because they have a catcher from the minors waiting in the wings. Kurt Suzuki has become a solid ALL AROUND ball player. He's going to hit almost .300 hit 12-16 HRs, 65-70 RBI and he is fabulous behind the dish. He will only be available if the A's are out of contention. The Sox offered Daniel Bard for Chris Snyder over the winter according to reports and while I don't think they'd do that exact deal now he could also be someone on their radar when he comes back from his back injury.
  
• David Ortiz is done. For everyone saying look at the last half of last year. I don't care about his OPS+ his HRQz minus or any other onslaught of initials. AT NO POINT WAS ANYONE FEARING BOSTON'S DH last year. His head is gone, his swing is off and he is looking at too many fastballs. Mike Lowell's hot start is great but he is NOT the DH that we need. We need a lefty to keep the balance in the lineup and that is probably going to be Victor Martinez for the end of this season being that Adrian Gonzalez WILL NOT BE AVAILABLE until atleast the winter especially with the Padres competing.
  
• Other than bad pitching, sloppy defense, and a lack of timely hitting why are they losing? Jacoby Ellsbury. Albeit it was just a weekend series the Sox seemed to start finding their groove somewhat in that series and then Ellsbury went down with hairline fractures in his ribs. His dynamic style sculpts the top of our order in a way that Marco Scutaro couldn't dream of. As soon as he can get back at 100% that's when I expect a turn-around for our offense.
  
• I'm going to be the first to say I love what Orlando Hudson brings to the table. Good defense, good enough bat and some speed but he is so far off base with his cry of racism with regards to Jermaine Dye's impending comeback to baseball. He's Old, he plays defense like Jose Canseco, took an Ortiz like plummet in the second half with the bat, and asking for WAY too much money for 27 HRs. If no one was trying to sign him you might have a case but people are taking HUGE pay cuts because of the new defensive metrics and the economy that it is impractical for Jermaine Dye, whose skills are obviously depreciating, to ask for 6+ million. When the white players such as Aubrey Huff took 2 million, and Russell Bryanyan took 5 and were semi productive last year.
  
• The Rays are a fucking Machine. They just went 9-1 on a ten game road trip and came in and legitimately skull fucked Victor Martinez and the Red Sox for four games. While I chose Jon Lester to win the Cy Young is there any way I can change to Matt Garza? He's a BEAST.
  
• If you haven't seen Dallas Braden flip his SHIT on A-Rod, do yourself a favor watch it. Baseball's unwritten rules are the BEST. Don't walk across his mound mother fucker! They don't face each other again till July…I GUARANTEE he gets one in the Ribs.
  
• Anyone still clambering for Jason Bay .241avg 0HR 3RBI leads the league in strikeouts…just sayin'.
  
• Vernon Wells is BACK! But even if he hits 35 HRs a year for the duration of his contract it's STILL a bust.
  
• As I said Halladay is going to Win the Cy Young and win 25 games. Everyone says that in today's game it'll be almost impossible and I bet that there will be a couple games that leads get blown but against the JV he's going 8 innings every time and if the bullpen only has to throw one inning you're cutting out a LOT of variables.
  
• It's too bad Nelson Cruz didn't get a shot until he was older.
  
• Jason Heyward, the man, the myth, the legend is already growing on my as one of my favorite players in baseball. I mean he's not going to steal that title away from Lester and Pujols but the guy is game-changing. Griffey-esque even.
  

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Come Along for the Ride

Alright, let me be the first to tell you that I'm sorry for the lack of ambition to post. I was having some sort of awkward identity crises that was basically thinking people didn't want to hear what I had to say. I was CLEARLY wrong because I have been getting a ration, scratch that, an onslaught of shit for not writing so when women request for me to write, damn't I'm gonna write! For those of you who don't know I have been brutally maimed and look like that guy from Hocus Pocus with the stitches all on his mouth. A bit of an embellishment but not far enough from the truth that it's a lie so I might as well chronicle what's been going on lately. Also I'll give you guys some baseball stuff tomorrow I've been pretty lax on that and the Sox have been basically pistol whipped anyway so I figured who gives a shit.

Just about every weekend I head over to the "Father in Law's" house to do work around the house. Not only do I like doing it, I also feel as if I sort of owe him being that I impregnated his daughter out of wedlock, before she graduated high school and unbeknownst to him in his basement (wink wink). So our excursion started with taking a tree down in the backyard. I was told being "the mule" that he likes to call me that I had to work the come-along. More so in part that he doesn't trust me to run a chainsaw, but nonetheless, I had to pump the winch so that it would pull the tree in the direction that we wanted.

The tree fell EXACTLY where we wanted and we were about ready to go inside to watch Jon Lester fuck me in the rump AGAIN with a horrible outing when the "Grandfather in Law" came out and said, "I have a tree almost on the powerlines, why don't we cut that one down before it rains." Being the man's men that we are we grunted and silently said, "Bring it, Sucka".

When setting up the come-along on the first tree we set it as close to the tree as humanly possible. On the second one, something seemed a bit odd because we set the come-along out along the cable and had to pump the winch out on the cable without any leverage, but I didn't say anything. The tree was crooked and it was supposed to fall AT ME and I was supposed to run out of the way like a flash. But the tree fell away from me and was where I was supposed to run. So I thought silently, "stay where you are, so you don't become a flapjack". This would seem like a primo plan, but I didn't take into account that when the tree is falling all the tension on the cable would loosen. Upon hitting the ground that loose cable slung shot the come-along up at an ungodly speed and hit me square in the mouth.

It knocked me back a couple steps, but not off my feet because I'm a bad ass and I could feel that my tooth was loose and then I started swearing because I done fucked up my grill. Everyone looked at me and was like, "Oh fuck, you need to get to the hospital." So I get into the truck and look in the mirror and realize I have a gaping, open for fucking, vagina right on my upper lip. I'm talking a humongous Christina Aguilera pussy right there on my face. Now usually when Christina's chatch is on my face, it's a good day. This however was not quite the time I imagined with her.

So we're going to fast-forward the part where my mother freaks out that her baby got her faced mashed, right onto the gernie where the real pain is going to happen. So this deaf bald guy walks in with gloves on and sort of talks like Mr. Garrison from South Park, and says, "Time to clear the room and get some stitches, mmkay? Do you care about this shirt it's probably going to get a little messy mmkay?" Now see here I'm not a bitch. I can usually take pain. 90 mile an hour fastballs in the side are a piece of cake compared to 9 fucking shots of Lidocaine almost made me bawl like a 5 year old girl. Now not only was I getting pricked with these shots but he didn't prick all the right spots and I'm actually feeling the inner stitches getting sewn into my mug and it hurts like a sonofabitch. But whatever what's 21 stitches inside and out in the grill.

Fast forward again, to the dentist's office the next day. At this point I already know my tooth is federally fucked, but I need to know for sure and what better way to find out than having some guy with a poker prod around your mouth? It all started with an X-Ray. The woman who I swear to god wanted to get all up on this shit even while I looked like Rocky after his first bout without Clubber Lang. I say this because she was very sensually rubbing her huge old lady boobs on me while I was in the chair and stroking my arm saying, "You still feel ok, honey." Anyway back to the X-ray, She told me to bit this thing and stand still. That was a dumb idea. I wasn't thinking because I hadn't eaten anything in about 30 hrs at that point I just chomped down and screamed like Jonah Hill in Accepted.

It was then time for more lidocaine and I could not have been more uncomfortable for the entire duration of my dental visit. The whole time this guy was in my mouth, ok that didn't sound good, it seemed like he had his knee up on the arm rest to try to get more leverage and mercilessly rip out my tooth. I felt the tooth come out and that wasn't bad, but the break was such, that it broke up inside my gum and they had to drill and chisel the fuck out of my face. The rub here however, is that my lip was so swollen from the cold-cocking I took to the face that even though it was numb they had to rifle my lip around like they were stretching out pizza dough. This was fine when I couldn't feel anything but when I left the office my face was so beaten up and now on fire that I started screaming at ANYTHING and Everything in my path on my way home. There were things like:

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY, YOU COCK BITCH!"

"TURN FUCKING GREEN YOU STUPID RED SLUT" (stop light reference)

"IS EVERYONE TRYING TO FUCK ME IN THE CORN SHOOTER RIGHT NOW GET FUCKING MOVING!"

This rage was nothing short of Mel Gibson in The Patriot and I had one thing to look forward too right? Painkillers! Just kidding, they gave me 5mg Vicodin. Are you friggin serious? I get more relief from a spoonful of children's Dimetapp. My mouth is in Agony and you give me the equivalent of a Flintstone's Chewable. Go fuck a goat.

Flash forward to right this second. My lip is not quite as swollen as it was I still look like someone that works at the Abilene Walmart but we're improving. I was a bit self conscious because prior to this I was in a word an Adonis. Now I have this snaggle lip thing going on that would make Elvis shit himself and I have a lot of work to do. But with your help, my wit, and your mother's ass *rimshot* we'll get through this and I'll become George Clooney once again.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Win one for the Gipper, or Me

So it's been 2 games. 2 games and people are all on David Ortiz's jock. I am a steadfast believer that Ortiz is done and have been a proponent of that belief since last year. That being said, Terry Francona DID make the wrong call not pinch hitting Mike Lowell for Ortiz in the 8^th. First off, Ortiz's numbers against Marte are not good (.143) and Lowell punishes lefties (although 0 for 1 career against Damaso). Let's just say there was a little gamesmanship and Girardi decided to not even pitch Marte after they pulled Ortiz and brought in Joba, well Ortiz is only hitting .235 off of that little pissant while Lowell is hitting a robust .435. I understand the whole, it's the beginning of the year mantra and that Tito manages differently in October but play the numbers and play it the right way.

Pitching and Defense. That's been the theme all offseason and we have yet to see good starting pitching although Daniel Bard has legit given me some visual felatio watching him dispatch of the Yankees bomb squad. And Scutaro was the reason we lost that game yesterday. I realize that the error was probably more of an aberration but hey, this team was supposed to make EVERY routine play and just about every spectacular play. As soon as that play happened I knew they were not winning that game. Call me a cynic, whatever, that is a make or break play and he broke that shit in half.

Here's another little tidbit for ya. I realize DelCarmen didn't get the loss in the book, but jesus Christ was he horrible last night. We already know I'd rather get gang raped by those guys from American History X than have him on this team but honestly he has nothing. No velocity, no bite on his curve. Which in turn is making his out pitch (the change) more hittable. Someone give this joker the door.

Lackey's up tonight ladies and gents and what better way to start off your Sox career than a complete game 2 hitter?

Stay Tuned

Ryan

A Bender on the Horizon

I'm going to be honest with y'all. I may have a small problem. I have this problem of predicting benders and binges in advance of them actually happening. Precisely why I took Monday off so that Sunday night I can watch Josh Beckett and the Red Sox brutally defecate all over the dreams of the Yankees even if its just for the day. Everyone here knows I'm a Captain's man but we're going to be going big time in the Norton residence come the commencement of the Baseball season.

Who didn't enjoy a good Easter Egg hunt when they were younger? I know that I did. And who is society to tell me that I can no longer enjoy the fruits of a good search for some ovum during the resurrection of Christ? No one, that's who! Because this Sunday I will be taking part in a real hunt that everyone else will be jealous of. Instead of the proverbial candy in that little plastic blue egg from Wal Mart or Rite Aid I will be scouring the outside for Nips. Small bottles of Frangelico, Dr. McGillicuddy, Sambuca, Absolut, and virtually any large bottle of alcohol turned into a shot. Am I excited? FLOORED!

I also feel obligated to let everyone know about my quest in being a carbon copy of Dom from The Fast and the Furious. And I'll admit that right now I'm wearing a tight green shirt that I can honestly say looks fucking phenomenal on me. I've been hitting the weights hard, doing cardio every other day (I would be doing it every day except without an ACL it makes it a little bit of a painful task), and eating right. And let me tell you it has done nothing for me other than an exceptional looking reflection in the mirror. I haven't gotten a raise, there are no more women than usual knocking down my door to drool on my abs, and I have not yet humped Carrie Underwood in a music video (sweet jesus does that girl eye-ball fuck that shit out of me).

Also, I like to think of myself as someone that is ambitious. A stretch for a guy that still lives in his home town and has two kids before the age of 22, but hear me out. Ever since I was little, I was told that I could flat out sing (yes ladies, I not only look like an Adonis but I croon like Sinatra). As referenced in my Guilty Pleasures, I'm a rather avid fan of the new sensation Glee. Right now they are holding open casting calls between NOW and April 26^th. So I've all but assured myself that I'm not only going to own the shit out of that audition, I'm going to become a sex symbol. It's pretty much a fact, so I'll keep you abreast of the situation.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

And the Award goes to…

Well I lied once again. I got preoccupied yesterday and decided not to write the awards for this year. So I apologize for everyone that was furiously clicking over to BOTN but I'm here so please stop all the threatening emails and phone calls.

AL MVP- Evan Longoria

This could be the year he hits .300 or damn close to it, but I think he's going to hit 40 dingers with over 120 RBIs. He is NOW the best 3^rd baseman in baseball and as phenomenal as he has been this is where he separates from the rest of the League.

NL MVP- Troy Tulowitzki

It's hard to go away from Albert Pujols in ANYTHING but at the end of last season Tulo put together such a rapport of solidity that I'm on his bandwagon. My projected statline is .315 34HR and 101 RBI. He's the leader of that team and the linchpin of that offense.

AL Cy Young- Jon Lester

I had him last year and I will continue to choose him until his arm falls off or he wins the award but I think he is going to solidify his position as the BEST lefty in baseball so Piss off Johan and Cliff Lee. If the Yankees have a problem with him then he's gotta have hella-stuff I think there will be 4, 20-game winners this year and he is one of them; Verlander, Halladay, Wainwright being the others. Look for 20-6 , 3.09 ERA, and 220K.

NL Cy Young- Roy Halladay

Pitching against the JV everyday and a pitcher in every game he's winning 24 games this year he'll have 20 W's by mid-August. I project him at 24-4, 2.65 ERA, 215 K.

AL Batting Title- Robinson Cano

As much as I hate to award ANYTHING to a Yankee, I think Robinson Cano will edge out Joe Mauer and Ichiro with a .360 avg. Also 85 RBI and 23 HR.

NL Batting Title- Albert Pujols

He is going to own 2 legs of the Triple Crown and I see pujols hitting around .370 this year with MUCH more IBB's than the year before. Line on El Hombre: .372 avg, 39 HR, 144 RBI

AL Rookie of the Year- Brian Matusz

He's one of the only Rookies that isn't really a rookie having a little taste of The Bigs' last year. I like him for 12 Wins. 12-8, 3.85 ERA, 150K.

NL Rookie of the Year- Jason Heyward

There is no getting around this one. Heyward is a BEAST. If Colby Rasmus was still classified as a rookie I'd have given him the nod but there is no one else unless they get called up during the season and has a breakout year that will challenge him. .295avg, 21 HR, 80 RBI

Comeback Player of the Year AL- Carlos Quentin

I don't know that you can actually classify last year as bad still hitting 20 HRs but that plantar fasciitis bout last year really crushed his season and I think he could contend for the MVP this year on a sneaky good White Sox team. .270avg, 37 HR, 110RBI

Comeback Player of the Year NL- Billy Wagner    

I was leaning towards Jay Bruce whom I think is going to have a MONSTER year, but Wagner is not a young player and he's still hitting triple digits on the gun in spring training. I like him to have 40+ saves for the Braves.

AL Sleeper- Matt Harrison

I've watched this kid dazzle me all spring on the hill for the Rangers. This lefty reminds me a LOT of John Danks and I think in their 4-slot in the rotation is going to win 14 games and have a sub-4 ERA.

NL Sleeper- Ryan Ludwick

Most guys would kill to have a down year with 22 HRs and 97 Ribbies. But with Holliday and Pujols being On-Base Machines getting on in front of him he's going to drive in more than 110 RBI and probably back around 30 HRs.

AL Stinker-Curtis Granderson

His peripheral numbers look great but the last 3 years his average has gone down precipitously (.302, .280, .249 respectively) and his performance against lefties would make him a platoon player at best if I were skipper. Think of all the lefties in the AL East (Lester, Matusz, Romero, Price, Rzepczynski, Tallet, and Eveland) that's just within our division. He might hit 25-30 HRs but his average will crush your team's average.

NL Stinker- Jason Bay

This is a stretch because when Jason Bay hit's balls out of the ballpark they usually go a long ways but Citi Field really played with the offensive numbers last year. I wouldn't be surprised if Bay hit less than 30 HRs.

Anything else you guys need or want shoot me an email or feel free to leave it in the comments.

 

Time to be Bold

Alright, alright, I've procrastinated enough. It's time for you all to see my Pre-Season Predictions for the upcoming 2010 baseball season. I'll be honest it took me a WHILE to figure out the AL East and the NL West but I'm going to go with my gut and how I was told baseball games are won; Pitching and Defense. Without further adieu:

AL East- Boston Red Sox (101-61)

Now before you cut my nuts off, listen up. Pitching and Defense is the way you are SUPPOSED to win ball games. The Red Sox have the best 1-5 Starting rotation in ALL of baseball. I really think Adrian Beltre is going to hit 30 ya-ya's and drive in very close to 100 runs. 3 guys on the same team that will win 16 + games will lead the Red Sox to the Promised land. If you think that 1/3 of the starts last year we started by John Smoltz, Brad Penny, and Daisuke MatsuSUCKA that would have put us around 100 wins if we won a handful of them. We now have John Lackey to pick up the slack and a defense that makes the Steeler's Steel Curtain scoff.

AL Central- Chicago White Sox (91-71)

I'm not buying into the Twins again ESPECIALLY without a closer. The Tiger's sold half their team and are for some reason unbeknownst to me are going to give starts to Dontrelle Willis, so they're out. Which leaves the Chi Sox as the victor in the Central. Everyone is forgetting about the impact a HEALTHY Carlos Quentin will have on their lineup. Not to mention a full year of Alex Rios (I've been saying that for three years though) and Juan Pierre will give them that Scott Podsednik aspect they had in 2005. Jake Peavy is a bona fide "ace" who will NOT suffer any setbacks other than a slight decrease in strikeouts from leaving the NL and couple that with Mark Buehrle, John Danks, and Gavin "AJ Burnett's mental makeup twin" Floyd you are looking at a VERY talented starting rotation. They have a deep talented lineup and they will COAST through to October.

AL West- Texas Rangers (92-70)

It's the year. It may be by default because the Angels lost their Ace and their leadoff hitter. So logic says they aren't going to be as good. The Mariners have the 2^nd Best 1-2 combo in baseball yet their 3-5 is who? But when Casey Kotchman is your number 3 hitter, you're primed for an offensive slump. The year that the Rangers do NOT falter down the stretch, and get into playoff baseball. They signed Rich Harden in the offseason and if healthy will really be an addition to Nolan Ryan's binky (the pitching staff). They had 3 young pitchers last year that got a SERIOUS dose of Major League Baseball and WILL pitch up to expectations.

AL Wildcard- Tampa Bay Rays (95-67) NOT THE YANKEES

Whoa, wait, did you misspell NYY with TBR? Nope I am potentially going out on a limb saying the Yankees are NOT a young team. They are going to need a DH going into game 2 of the season since Nick Johnson is holding down (I use that term loosely) that spot. Curtis Granderson is essentially a platoon player because he's about as existent against lefties as Tiger Woods is at the Celibacy Club. Javier Vazquez did well his first go 'round in the AL East and AJ Burnett is one more walk away from drinking bleach. Tampa has a GREAT lineup and their ever so sneaky pickup of Hank Blalock is going to pay major dividends as he sneaks into that DH role and Pat Burrell gets phased out. Their Rotation even without Kazmir is very deep and very efficient. Evan Longoria is going to have a MONSTER year. Carl Crawford and Carlos Pena are also playing for contracts…They're going to be in October and we're going to be in for another "Cinderella Story."

NL East- Philadelphia Phillies (96-66)

Too easy. Do I really have to hash into why they are going to win this division. No. Halladay is going to win 25 games…nuff said.

NL Central- St. Louis Cardinals (92-70)

Carpenter, Wainwright, Pujols and Holliday. They have the pitching, the offense and the Manager. The Reds could be a dark horse and the Brewers will be competitive but the Cards should win this division handily.

NL West- Colorado Rockies (90-72)

Sort of a No brainer. The Dodgers to me are a non-issue with NO PITCHING (Read: Vicente Padilla as your Opening Day starter) and a tumultuous divorce within the organization. The Giants STILL don't have enough offense, plenty of pitching but no one OTHER than Sandoval can rake and they won't bring up Buster Posey yet therefore they are still another bat and year away. The D'Backs are actually intriguing to me IF Brandon Webb were healthy but his shoulder seems to be nagging like crazy. The Rockies have a young lineup and a pitching staff that just got a little better with the return of Jeff Francis. Ubaldo Jimenez is a force to be reckoned with and they will win a hotly contested battle in the West.

NL Wildcard- Atlanta Braves (91-71)

It's Bobby Cox's last year and he has a talented pitching staff and a rookie in Jayson Heyward that is hailed as even better than Andruw Jones in his prime. Tim Hudson is back and healthy. Derek Lowe is good for 200 innings and young, fireballer Tommy Hanson are poised to do BIG things. It could be Chipper's last chance at one more ring and I think they have as good a chance as any.

AL Championship Series-

A rematch between the Sox and Rays that the Sox will win in 7. This series is going to be Epic.

NL Championship Series-

Phillies and the Cardinals and although Halladay will shine the Cardinals have better pitching and bullpen. 6 games.

World Series-

Pitching vs. Pitching. Deepest lineup vs. Pujols. The Sox have the edge in pitching and will shut down the Cardinals much like they did in 2004; 5 games

Champions-

Boston Red Sox

As previously stated, I've always been told that Pitching and defense win ball games and clearly my picks to win this year reflect that. Tomorrow I'll shoot you my picks for post-season awards (MVP, Cy Young etc.) and then in November when I'm farther off base than George Costanza you can rub it in my face.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Cleaning out my Blog-set

I haven't written in a while and while I did have to hurry all around the New England region, plucking suicidal virgins off of bridges and other assortments of death inducing outcomes, but regardless, I'm back, let's get it. I'm going to be ALL over the map today as far as sports, more so that you can see the kind of knowledge I possess rather than just the one sided baseball side of my brain.

Joe Mauer. Joe Mauer. Joe Mauer. With reports coming out that he would prefer Boston to NY there were people legit sperming their khaki's to get a piece of the Batting Champion Franchise player. I'm here to say that deep down I would have loved seeing a perennial batting champ in our lineup but it was the right move for Minnesota even if in the year 2016 when he starts breaking down they are going to probably be kicking themselves because they have 3 more years and a no-trade clause that will keep him there through the declining years of a catcher's career.

I am honestly worried about Albert Pujols. I realize that I probably shouldn't be because he really has never missed any significant time when the regular season starts but is it just me or do these nagging injuries with the back, the elbow, the shoulder scream Mickey Mantle? Mantle probably would have broken an ass-load of records with a clean bill of health and it just seems that Pujols could be on a downward spiral with regards to injuries. Mind you, Mantle still put up Hall of Fame numbers, but the longevity of his career seemed to be shortened because of such…eerie thought.

Let the Josh Reddick hype machine start up and keep on rolling. This is classic Red Sox brass. Let's see Reddick for what he is here. A good little ball player (who has had a phenomenal spring) with OK plate discipline, a laser-rocket arm, and a thunderous Swing that ONLY Prince Fielder bests. They are building up his trade value because let's face it, this team is going to need a bat at some point to give the team that cog in their lineup for the future, be it Adrian Gonzalez or whomever else. I'm calling right now that Reddick among an assortment of other players will NOT be on the team at the end of the year.

The Man, The Myth, The Legend, Tim Tebow should be a New England Patriot. Bill Belichick spoke glowingly about him, and usually that means he's blowing smoke up the league's ass and wouldn't touch him with a 10 foot pole, but with this one and BB being friends with Urban Meyer I'm saying he really does want TT, not as a quarterback however. I say this with the mindset of thinking about when the Patriots play the Colts what is the biggest ex-factor in that game every time? It's NOT Reggie Wayne, it's Dallas Clark. He's a quick, reliable tight end with the will to succeed and is virtually indefensible with every defensive scheme put against them. Tim Tebow, to me, IS Dallas Clark. He's a tremendous athlete and has already said he will do WHATEVER any coach tells him to do. This team needs a back-up QB but we are not going to draft a backup QB in the 2^nd round that won't play for the next 8 years or so. We will take one of our 6^th or 7^th round picks and grab some schmo from Idaho and plug him into the system.

After pronouncing the Bruins dead just a week ago, I'm convinced they were reading BOTN and is trying to shove a hockey stick sideways directly up my ass. Because last night they were playing with such heart and such demeanor and is only 1 point away from the 6 spot in the playoffs now that I'm getting back on this bandwagon and they could really be on to something here. Tuukka Rask is a Top 3 goalie in the league, and solid goaltending will win this team playoff games if not a playoff series.

Have the Celtics looked more alive over the last week or so than they have at any point since their winning streak to start the season? I'm starting to regain confidence in this team as well and I would NOT want to face this team in the playoffs now. Paul Pierce has finally come back to being the player he professed that he was following the 2008 Championship and Garnett has been moving MUCH better. If those two can be back at atleast 75% of what they usually are when healthy they are a serious contender.

That's what I got, what do you got? Anything you need me to address? Shoot me an email. Facebook me or leave a comment on the blog, I'll get back to you lickety-split.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Moments of Clarity

Clearly the need to listen to my dreams more often has come about. So when my imaginings say that I should bone Megan Fox I really should dial up her number because I am number 1 in the Office March Madness Pool, BOTNers. I really should study my mid-majors a little better because Ohio really slipped through the cracks for me this year but rest assured it will NOT happen again. But honestly how about those games yesterday? Buzzer Beaters, Upsets, Overtime, double overtime, and last but not least The Great White Hope. Jimmer Fredette is putting his Mormon knee in the NCAA's back and railing the ever-living piss out of it.

As much as the tournament has captivated my interest I will freely admit that at 7 o'clock last night I was not watching tournament basketball I was watching the Thrilla in Manilla or so it was advertised between the Bruins and Matt Cooke. I was so pumped up for this because this douche bag needed to get cold cocked like that guy on The Jersey Shore that Ronnie owned. "Come at me bro" yeah that one. And Cooke turtle like the labia that he is, and to top it off the Bruins played like absolute dog shit on a night where they were honoring the 1970 team, who I'm sure played with like compound fractures and ruptured testicles because that's what you do in hockey. But what's a 6 letter word for FUBAR'd: B-R-U-I-N-S.

I'm not going to lie to you when I heard about Ron Washington and his "one-time recreational" cocaine use, I called bullshit immediately. I mean honestly he looks like Richard Pryor with a mix of that hobo that lives just outside of Quincy Market. Seriously look at that mop on top. Someone honestly tell me that that hair-don't doesn't scream, "I'm Rick James, Bitch" all over it. *crickets* Didn't think so.

I'm way to preoccupied with the tournament to write any more today but if my scorching start to the tourney lasts throughout the weekend I'm going to be on a bender all weekend because I will be raking in some serious cashola. So I am Gone-orrhea.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Living on the Edge…of insanity

So, I had a dream last night *cue inspirational music*, that if I changed my bracket today I would be getting a perfect bracket. And just to recap, I've put my exact same bracket on 3 different sites offering cash and or tangible prizes. So what do you think I did when I came in this morning I changed my mother fucking bracket is what I did. I was looking at minor tweaks, and then engaged in some email banter with a Boston Globe reporter, Joe Sullivan to be exact.

In an epiphany *cue spotlight* I decided a massive overhaul was sort of the best way to go. Before amending my bracket my final four consisted of Kansas, Kansas State, Kentucky, Baylor. Welp my friends, me here at Bottom of the Ninth, Flipped it on its ear. I changed 2 of my Final Four teams and one of them may shock, awe, even dismay you.

I had to take out Kentucky. As blasphemous as that sounds, Calipari seems to do a great job but he chokes under pressure. Not to mention his band of Freshmen seem to be coming a little tired of his shit. So overall Calipari is a douche bag. Freshmen in the tourney usually don't win it all, I don't care if your name is John Wall. So from the East Region if have switched to West Virginia. Da'Sean Butler is lighting shit up like Stephen Curry did two years ago, and I really don't see any reason for that to stop. Also his team is very good on defense, and seems to be more focused than Josh Beckett in the '07 playoffs. I like 'em, and now I have no choice but to love them because there's no turning back.

As ludicrous as that seemed that wasn't the difficult decision for the Final Four, the decision was BYU. BYU has a player in Jimmer Fredette that is going to be the next White American commodity in the NBA. I am banking on him and his Nations leading scorers to take BYU to the promised land or Indianapolis is the locals call it. It seems like a reach but BYU is the best shooting team in the country, they are phenomenal rebounders and adept at creating turnovers…Sounds like a recipe for success for me.

It took a while for me to be convinced that Jimmer (aside: Jimmer reminds me of Thome Mashes Taters on Twitter, a must follow) could lead them past KSU whom I was really in love with. I mean really like to the point of orgasm. But I changed it. FML If I'm wrong and watch Jimmer come out and break a fibula today in the first 2 minutes of the game and throw up a goose egg against Florida. But I'm riding a hunch and if my dream is correct. BOTN is going to blow up. Book it.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

March Madness

Everyone wants to know, who's my Final Four. I'll tell you. But not yet. I need to address this whole Blockbuster of ALL Blockbuster trades. I can't believe my ears. The ultimate baseball player on the trading block? Both sides are vehemently denying it so naturally I'm calling bullshit. Although Pujols is cheaper now, he would stand to command the same contract if not more that Alex Rodriguez signed 10 years 275mil. I guess I wasn't completely aware of my surroundings when I just found out that Ryan Howard and Albert Pujols are the same age. But as much of a behemoth as Ryan Howard is, Albert Pujols he is not. Howard would probably come at 5 mill less per year and if that is more within St. Louis budget than I could see a scenario where Albert Pujols was no longer a Cardinal. The X-Factor is that this could be sold to the fans because Ryan Howard is from the St. Louis area. I'd think long and hard if I were The Lou (as Nelly would call it) because what you'd be losing in sheer holy fuckness with Pujols you'd be gaining in tape measure shots from Howard.

Alright, You guys are CLEARLY moist with anticipation for my bracketology. I'll be honest I usually stay in the hunt until the Elite 8 and then my bracket gets turned over and done dry (see: Jennifer Aniston in Derailed). But this year I am determined, no DESTINED to smoke the rest of my office and claim the title as most knowledgeable and omnipotent sports predictor on the planet. Yeah, I might even buy myself a trophy with my winnings.

Let's look at my upsets in the first round.

{Giddy with anticipation}

In the Midwest Bracket: I don't consider the 8/9 game any sort of real upset but I'm going with the 9 Northern Iowa in that one. Also Georgia Tech over Oklahoma State.

In the West Bracket: Murray State is going to railroad Vanderbilt. Book it.

In the East Bracket: Washington is a sleeper this year and Marquette has no idea about the speeding locomotive coming at it. Get off the tracks when the train comes through.

In the South Bracket: I gave the nod to Louisville and Siena. Louisville and Cal is a toss-up and when in doubt go with a failed NBA coach. Siena has all their good players back from last year and they are poised to make noise this year. Purdue is garbage without Hummel.

{Sweat beading up on my forehead}

I have 2 double digit seeds getting to the Sweet 16 and that is Washington and Siena but I don't expect them to go further than that when they have to play the big boys.

{Heartbeat escalating}

My Final Four has Kansas vs Kansas State and Kentucky vs Baylor. I'm not sold on Duke and at some point throughout the tourney their sharpshooters are going to go ice cold and I don't think their defense is strong enough to get them all the way. Baylor has strong Guard play and good low post players and they are my sleeper for the trip to Indianapolis, but I don't think they can match the offensive firepower of Kentucky. Kansas will do the unthinkable and beat Kansas State for an unprecedented 4^th time during the season. So you're looking at a potential matchup of Perrenial Powerhouses. I'll take experience over youth and exuberance any day. Kansas is your National Champ.

You'd be wise to copy my bracket because I intend on raking money from Yahoo, ESPN, WEEI, and an awesome College Watch from the Boston Globe. Yup, get it, get it.

Stay Tuned,

Ryan

This is Blasphemy, This is madness!

While perusing the internet I came across this article, that chronicles what the Twins should do if they can't sign one, Joe Mauer. Obviously to ANYONE that knows baseball, if Mauer and the Twins can't come to an agreement he MUST be traded for Major League Ready talent and a guy or 2 that are on the cusp. Thinking about this, is it really no surprise that the Red Sox have not yet even OFFERED a contract to Victor Martinez? Also the Twins just lost their All-Star closer. They have needs now and going forward that would need to be addressed. So what I'm going to do is look at what it could/would take for Joe Mauer to come to The Hub.

It is no revelation that the Red Sox are waiting to see what happens with Mauer to tender a deal to Victor Martinez. Because let's face it, Mauer is the cream of the crop as far as Backstops go, and Martinez is 2^nd tier both offensively AND defensively. Joe Mauer would command a haul like NO OTHER on the trade market and there are FEW teams that can afford him financially and in terms of talent. In some related good news, the Yankees can't. They no longer have the talent in their farm system or the pieces on their Major League Roster. But don't let him get to free agency because money is something they do have.

In order for any baseball team to be successful in this day and age, you need to have a shutdown Closer and be solid up the middle. Being that the Twins were paying Joe Nathan 11.25 million they could probably afford a 9+ million dollar player at the same position to step in and do just as good a job. Enter Jonathan Papelbon. I am not Special Ed enough to think that you can center around a closer, even an All-Star closer. BUT lets say you add a Victor Martinez into the mix, then you're well on your way to a successful deal. You may think this is stupid to give two perennial All-Stars for the price of one but you're giving an aging catcher (I realize 31 isn't old but when you're a catcher in the big leagues that's like being 35 for any other position) and a Closer who's on a one year deal (expiring contracts!!!) that in the past has had some arm trouble, for a catcher that although seems like the perfect player has had a small injury history. Although this is a sweet deal I don't think its enough. You would have to give them one of your OF and/or starting pitching prospects to make this deal whole.

I'm also looking for a bullpen arm as well if I am Theo Epstein to bolster your bullpen. I would ask for EITHER Jon Rauch (more salary relief than anything for the Twins) or Matt Guerrier.

Now it comes down to the money. This is where it seems eerily do-able: (Salaries are for 2010 only)

Joe Mauer-16 million

Matt Guerrier- 1.475 million

Jon Rauch- 2.9 million

For

Jonathan Papelbon-9.35 million

Victor Martinez-7 million

(Insert Kalish, Reddick, Dubront, Pimentel, Fuentes) (Potentially 2 of these players)

Knowing that the Twins are a very frugal team you would have to give them cash considerations as well. I would look for something around a million which would give them another 650K to play around with at their own disposal. The Twins could try to experiment with Rauch or Guerrier as their closer but Paps would make them VERY solid at the back end of their pen and they also wouldn't be losing much in terms of offense either.

This may sound far-fetched, and to many extents it is. But if you have the utmost confidence in Daniel Bard, which I do, than I'm making this deal tonight or at least calling the Twins GM and telling him if you can't sign Mauer this deal is on the table, and it's on the table right now.

It's difficult for me to write this because I, more than anybody actually want Joe Mauer to stay in Minnesota. But the business side of baseball intrigues me and SOMEONE has to have the pieces to trade for Mauer, because there is no way on God's green Earth that the Twins would only get compensation picks for him.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

No More NoMah

How fitting that a groundbreaking story happens on a groundbreaking day here at BOTN. This is my 200^th Post and I've still got plenty left in my tank unlike Nomar. But let's hit it and quit it with the whole Nomar speech and thoughts in general.

Back in the 90's, fuck my life I don't like remembering back more than 10 years at a time, Nomar was one of the Holy Triumvirate of Shortstops. When all else was going wrong in Boston baseball he was going right. There was no doubt that in every year prior to 2004 he gave anything but 100% to the fans in Boston and to his teammates. But then a funny thing happened. Under a new regime on Yawkey Way Theo and Co. decided they wanted to become a better team. You all remember the trade that would have brought us the best/highest paid player in baseball not to mention Magglio Ordonez in his prime would have been part of the team as well. The only way you do this blockbuster is by getting rid of an icon.

Nomar was not happy about this, and it showed. For the 2004 season Nomar Garciaparra's disconnect from the Red Sox organization was nothing short of "Manny being Manny". Faking injuries, lying to the media, making pointed remarks about the ownership just to name a few were some of the underlying themes that ultimately lead to his demise as the Boston Cornerstone. As ballsy as the move seemed and as poorly as Faith Rewarded portrayed it, it was the right move in baseball, financially, and operationally. Everyone remembers the game that Jeter went flying into the stands supremely showcasing his upper-echelonness in the League. Where was Nomar? Sulking on the bench instead of playing against our most hated rival. Despite his comments in his press conference there is not a snowballs chance in hell he doesn't resent Theo and the Brass for dealing him to the Cubbies.

Throughout his whole Boston tenure Nomar wasn't a fan of the media, so much so that he put a line of Red Tape down in the clubhouse and if you crossed it not only would you be subject to a tongue lashing from Nomar himself, but he would also maim your wife, slash your tires and upon his next free second set your house on fire. Shit was serious. But what is utterly dismaying is that now he's going to succumb to his self professed "Dark Side" as an ESPN Baseball Analyst. I know its hard to step away from the game, but for someone that is going to make that big of a fuss for reporters doing their job to then go into the trenches with them…WEAK.

Let's tackle the rest of his career. There's always the infamous Sports Illustrated Cover. Though it will never be proven otherwise, I am 100% convinced that he used. Look at that friggin Lat muscle. Downright scary. I'm not going to preach that he's a shmuck for using because I'd use too if I knew it would make me millions of greenbacks. I'll say this Nomar can and could hit. But the only time in his career that you saw Nomar not on roids was in 2006 with the LA Dodgers 20 Dingers, 93 RBI and .303 BA and thereafter. His wiry frame could not support the rigors that come along with steroid use and you saw his body break down. It's tough and I wouldn't want to deal with those injuries myself but if I was told that I could bankroll like 75 million dollars in my lifetime I'd say "Stick it in me Bobby." (That didn't sound good did it?)

Synthetically enhanced or not however, he is just as much as influential in Boston baseball as Williams, Rice, Yaz and Peskey. He and Pedro Martinez were the Red Sox for a few seasons and there is not anyone in New England that wasn't captivated every time Nomar went all fidgety Freddy in the Batter's Box with his toe-tapping and glove adjusting. So, I don't think there is anywhere else that he can retire from other than Boston.

Don't misconstrue my thoughts on Nomar as though I view him as a villain. Because he's not. The Red Sox fans have a habit of making it look like the players that leave the organization are either traitors, shitbags, or just all around bad ball players. Nomar was none of the aforementioned group. At one time he was a surefire hall of famer whose status in Boston was only rivaled by Larry Bird. He was as fierce a competitor as any when he wanted to and I will never forget how enthralled I was when he was chasing a .400 batting average in a season.

So the question is: How do you honor him? The question isn't that simple. Some people think you should retire his number but you can't do that. He was not on the team for atleast 10 years (Team stipulation). What you should do is wait. Like you did with Johnny Pesky and see how he aides the organization going forward. That is when you can make a more educated decision. 15 years or so down the road is when if ever you make a decision like that.

Another Childhood Icon gone. Yikes.

Stay Tuned

Ryan