I'm going to be honest with y'all. I may have a small problem. I have this problem of predicting benders and binges in advance of them actually happening. Precisely why I took Monday off so that Sunday night I can watch Josh Beckett and the Red Sox brutally defecate all over the dreams of the Yankees even if its just for the day. Everyone here knows I'm a Captain's man but we're going to be going big time in the Norton residence come the commencement of the Baseball season.
Who didn't enjoy a good Easter Egg hunt when they were younger? I know that I did. And who is society to tell me that I can no longer enjoy the fruits of a good search for some ovum during the resurrection of Christ? No one, that's who! Because this Sunday I will be taking part in a real hunt that everyone else will be jealous of. Instead of the proverbial candy in that little plastic blue egg from Wal Mart or Rite Aid I will be scouring the outside for Nips. Small bottles of Frangelico, Dr. McGillicuddy, Sambuca, Absolut, and virtually any large bottle of alcohol turned into a shot. Am I excited? FLOORED!
I also feel obligated to let everyone know about my quest in being a carbon copy of Dom from The Fast and the Furious. And I'll admit that right now I'm wearing a tight green shirt that I can honestly say looks fucking phenomenal on me. I've been hitting the weights hard, doing cardio every other day (I would be doing it every day except without an ACL it makes it a little bit of a painful task), and eating right. And let me tell you it has done nothing for me other than an exceptional looking reflection in the mirror. I haven't gotten a raise, there are no more women than usual knocking down my door to drool on my abs, and I have not yet humped Carrie Underwood in a music video (sweet jesus does that girl eye-ball fuck that shit out of me).
Also, I like to think of myself as someone that is ambitious. A stretch for a guy that still lives in his home town and has two kids before the age of 22, but hear me out. Ever since I was little, I was told that I could flat out sing (yes ladies, I not only look like an Adonis but I croon like Sinatra). As referenced in my Guilty Pleasures, I'm a rather avid fan of the new sensation Glee. Right now they are holding open casting calls between NOW and April 26th. So I've all but assured myself that I'm not only going to own the shit out of that audition, I'm going to become a sex symbol. It's pretty much a fact, so I'll keep you abreast of the situation.
Stay Tuned
Ryan
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