Wild or Not We’ve Got Issues.

I feel as if a punch square in the ball sac would be more welcoming than the atrocity that ensued at The Ballpark in Arlington this weekend. We had a momentous comeback that should have propelled us through at least the entire weekend. Insert: The Legend of VMART starts here. The puzzle that is JD Drew is about to get verbally hanged in this one so shade your children's eyes before reading. This series pissed me off in more ways than one so I figure I'm done trying to think of quirky little ways to serve as prelude to this series. So let's go.

Friday was looking like what I considered to be Worst Case Scenario. Kevin Milwood for some reason is made to look like Roy Halladay EVERY time he toes the rubber against the Sox. We can't muster a clutch hit to save our collective asses, and he seems to have elite pitcher status when he's on the bump against Boston. Of course when he plays the Oakland A's he looks more like Kevin Tapani but I guess that's neither here nor there. Lester gave up 2 quick runs and then settled in and DEFINITELY pitched well enough to win but he would not be factored into the decision. When Milwood finally came out of the game there was a glimmer of hope for the Sox. In the ninth David "I'm going to pretend my bat is dead" Ortiz started a rally, Varitek got on by a blown call by the umpire (whom consequentially were egregious this weekend). The captain was lifted for a pinch runner, Clay Buchholz. Yes I said Clay Buchholz. He's supposed to be the fastest pitcher on the staff. Dustin Pedroia gets a ball that I immediately screamed "LATA BALL" off the bat. Clay who was on second, stops, starts to go back, and then thinks he can still score when the ball is already in the cutoff man's hand. This is what we refer to as a, "dumb shit." Had the game ended like that I would have shit a kitten and as stated in the previous blog, "punched a dog." Victor Martinez took it upon himself to take Texas by the throat and choke slam them, Big Show style. With THE best at-bat of the season, and probably the most clutch since last postseason's Coco Crisp epic I was VERY optimistic for the rest of this series.

While my projecting of the rotation was slightly off, thinking that Penny was pitching "Getaway Day", he didn't and I was chalking this up for a loss on the first pitch. The most glaring thing about this game was the supplanting of Derek Holland as Red Sox Killer. I knew they were in for it when Ellsbury couldn't read Holland's move to first. This was telling considering when Holland was delivering a pitch, Ellsbury was diving back to first. Holland was on point all night, throwin gas and painting the black. I rescind what I said previously that the Rangers don't have pitching. They have pitching and what's scary is they have YOUNG pitching. For the novices that don't know what that means, it means the years to come are going to be just as difficult to beat these guys. We made the mistake, I mean acquisition of signing Alex Gonzalez. We already have holes in our offense the size of Christina Aguilera's *watch your mouth*, and we bring in a .210 hitter on the season. When JJ Hardy is available via trade and we grab another player flirting with the Mendoza line it's almost as if the Brass is packing it in this year. Great work! Brian Anderson is hitting in the .210's, Jason "linguine arm" Varitek is hovering around .220, and David "The Enigma" Ortiz is more puzzling than someone buying tickets to watch Chumbawumba in Concert. I'm comparing this lineup to a little league lineup, where you put your worst player in right field and hope they don't hit it out there and after the top 6 in your order the drop-off in production and talent is bottomless.

Junichi Tazawa, while I still think he's a VERY good pitcher, it seems as if he's still at least a year away after getting his tits lit on Sunday's Matinee. Without a quality start from him I knew we weren't going to win. The one thing to take from this game, you ask? I'll give you two. Ian Kinsler seems to put this team on his back EVERY time they play us. And Dustin Pedroia's power surge is back, and let's hopes he can go on a 2008-like stretch where he hit .500 for an unprecedented 30 games.

The two most nagging things NOT NAMED the Red Sox offense, are the "pissing me offish nature" of JD Drew, and Jason Varitek's inability to throw ANYONE out.

After Friday's game Terry Francona made public that JD Drew asked out of the game after his at bat in the Top of the Ninth. First off, Tito doesn't make ANYTHING public unless he's fed up but for a player to ask out of a game because of a pseudo injury that pisses me off! Now, if he had a broken leg I MAY consider taking him out. But, other than the Yankee series this is the most important/intense game of the year thus far, and you ask out. Who are you? There is no one else available to go in, that's 1, you are getting paid 14+ mil/year to PLAY, that's 2, you just stuck a dagger in Texas' heart and your testosterone should be flowing but instead estrogen is seeping out of your veins. You are supposed to be an above average defender (I'm suspicious), an above average arm (I'm not convinced, above average, see: VINTAGE VLAD GUERRERO), "Mantle like Power" (as stated by Tony Larussa, but Walt Weiss like power seems more plausible), and above average speed (Ellsbury laughs at you as he passes you by). You are a pansy, you are NOT a ball player, and you are more importantly NOT a Red Sox. A ballplayer does not ask out of a game no matter what injury. Mickey Mantle is turning over in his grave. You were an All-American football player and now if a blade of grass is in your way you're out 4-5 days with a sprained pinky toe nail. You are not an asset to this team, you are an absolute abomination to this sport, and give all players a bad name for being prima donna pussies. IF you go out and break every record tomorrow I still can't stand you, and I sincerely hope at the end of this season you are no longer on the Red Sox, I don't care if we have to take on all of your salary in return for a bullpen coach to be named later I loathe you, and hope that the warning track gives you turf toe for the rest of your career.

A topic that is very near and dear to my heart is catching attempted base runners stealing. When the opposition is able to steal at a rate of above 90% you not only have a problem, you have a giant sign on your back that says, "You should steal because Lifetime is my favorite channel and my hosiery is bunching." Every time you throw you're thinking about it now. You have absolutely no confidence, there's a hitch in your arm, and it's almost as if your wishing it to beat the runner there rather than taking the pill and firing it there no holds barred. This is alarming when the powerhouse teams in the AL have players such as, Derek Jeter, Johnny Damon, Julio Borbon, Chone Figgins, Curtis Granderson, Scott Podsednik, not to mention EVERY player on the Rays starting 9 for Christ's sake. There is no remedy for this, sorry to say Sox fans. The best case scenario will be addressing the issue, this offseason, by checking the "DO NOT PICK UP HIS OPTION" box. The only disheartening thing about his contract is the fact that he can pick up his own option for a salary about half as much as he gets paid now and we may be forced to use him as a back up next season.

Finally, I will write a retraction, per one of my avid BOTN fans, the Texas Rangers ARE for real. I still think they will win the AL West, but the Wildcard is coming out of the East. The young pitching that they have IS good enough to get into the playoffs. And their middle relief with Feliz and CJ Wilson is as close to Bard and Ramirez from our bullpen as I've seen. If pitching wins ball games, Texas has MANY more games to add to the W column and make a run at the division crown.

Stay Tuned

Ryan