There’s No Such Thing as Too Much Air Guitar

When the re-signing of the pseudo-catcher Ramon Hernandez by the Reds is the top baseball story, you know it's going to be a rough day/weekend. That, coupled with the sack tapping that Bill Belichick inflicted upon me last night made for a Sunday night best forgotten. So I'm not going to bore you with off the wall predictions, or spot on assessments of why Joe Girardi looks like a hornpout, I'm going to entertain you with what I was doing during the alpha-game of the year thus far.

It doesn't get much better than having a couple buddies over, watching the game, and kickin' back some suds. And like every guy does when they get together, we were bouncing off idiotic jokes and euphemisms off of each other like a pinball machine. So you can almost be certain that at the point when the Air Guitar came out that the night was an utter success. I was attempting to re-enact the Rocky theme (you know the….da da danana danana danana…yeah that one). So I was making the trumpet noise with my mouth and then I irrationally started to bring up the air guitar and then when the "strings" come in for the background slammed down a piano as if my inner-Alicia Keys was coming out.

This was all well and fine, until it was brought to my attention that the need for a guitar was null and void considering that the concerto is a boldface Jazz Trumpet, and the "strings" that I brought out was in fact a rather large Tuba. So, not only was my rather impressive attempt at conducting the Trans Siberian Orchestra thwarted, I now have everyone laughing at me because I looked like an imbecile so I decided the best thing to do was say, "There's No Such Thing as Too Much Air Guitar."

It was a simple mistake really. And I'm sure all of you will agree that you play the Air Guitar not just frequently when you watch Sly's training montages, but also during every song that could potentially have the need for "Air Instrumentals".

With regards, to "The Decision" that Bill Belichick made in last night's uber-FML-Fest, he erred, bottom line. He got scared of the prospect of Peyton Manning having the ball with 2 minutes left no matter where on the field, after reliving the 2006 AFC Championship Game in his head he said, "Go Fuck a Goat Peyton, I'm winning this with Tom." Now I don't know how I would feel if I were Jerod Mayo or Vince Wilfork right now. If my coach has no confidence in my ability in stopping someone who will most likely be pinned back somewhere around there 20-30 yard line, with 2 minutes left to go, I'm not going to be a happy camper. We had the game in our sights, and Bill muffed. The only other things that are coming to mind are that Tom Brady was otherworldly last night, and if Laurence "I clearly have a vag" Maroney touches the ball again for the Patriots, I will probably punch a puppy.

Stay Tuned

Ryan