Springing into Action

It's been a long time, shouldn't have left you, without a dope beat to step to. Sorry everyone for the lack of posts last week. I was taking names and kicking ass like you would not believe on the grindstone and was busy getting my fill of Casey Kelly thus far in spring training (via Internet unfortunately). My thoughts are not as sparkling as his stats have looked so far however.

Maybe it's just me but just watching his delivery on the mound he strikes me as more of a Justin Masterson than a Zack Greinke (whom he compared himself to last year). I am actually inclined to think that this is just one more product of the Red Sox hype machine that is ready to foray into the Bigs. I mean no player is going to go balls to the wall in spring training but other than Mark Buerhle (who is now a number 2 mind you) can you name one ace that doesn't top 92 on the gun with regularity? Didn't think so.

John Lackey looked phenomenal in his debut. He was locating down in the zone and notching ground ball after groundball in the limited sample size. Beckett has looked primed for a big year. Lester although looking more like Casey Fossum is still the Ace but I think he's going to be pitching in the number 2 slot in the rotation. In order to show Beckett how much they value his services with regards to his contract negotiations, he's going to get the Opening Day start. And although Lester is my favorite Lefty in baseball, does anyone doubt Josh "Commander Kick Ass" Beckett in a big game. I don't.

I've got a mini version of Rumblings that hasn't come to pass in about 2 weeks so here ya go as well:

• To the Old man in the gym doing aerobics and calisthenics whom can't hold his flatulence in; I loathe you.
  
• Someone please tell me what Mark McGwire could possibly instruct Albert Pujols on. If anything on that swing gets changed I'm coming after you Shrek with a torch and pitchfork.
  
• Zack Greinke…flat out stud. Teams should probably just forfeit any day that he's slotted for the mound.
  
• Who's going to be the unlucky shmuck that's going to get enveloped by Heidi Watney's twat of career suicide this year?
  
• If I get one more 'Hair Club for Men' email I'm going to shoot myself. I'm bald by choice.
  
• If you don't know how Jason Heyward is close your eyes and listen to his batting practice session, kid flat out rakes.
  
• Law Abiding Citizen, if you haven't seen it, we're not friends.
  
• Is there any reason to think Roy Halladay who annually carved up the AL East, won't win 25+ games in the JV League?
  
• Anyone else think they signed Wilfork to trade him and maybe they pick up Jamal Williams who was recently cut from SD at a much cheaper price in order to make some sort of a free agent splash?
  
• It's almost time for Selection Sunday, anyone else already pretty much have their Final 4 picked out? *shyly raises hand*

• Ben Roethlisberger...The guy looks like a teddy bear but inside he's the White Tiger Woods.

Hopefully I was back on point for y'all.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Farewell My Friend

As most of you know I am an ardent Nip/Tuck fan. Last night marked the final episode of the 7 season excursion full of sluts and tit jobs which labeled the show as, "The Most Provocative Show on Television".

It was both a sad and joyous occasion in my household because of this commencement. The mood was somber because this is my favorite television show of all time which in turn seems like someone has just shot down dog with an Apache Helicopter. I will now have to find a new vice, and its not going to be easy, especially for the Wednesday at 10PM time slot.

I'm not sure how I feel about what happened to Sean. I understand that he's always wanted more out of his life even though Christian sort of suckered him into the plastic surgery mantra. But it seemed a bit trite to have him take this little boy back to a foreign country with a one way ticket.

I love how things ended with Christian. It was sort of a "circle of life" moment. Things ended exactly how they began. Same lines and everything from the moment of the shows inception, when Christian met Kimber. Of course it would have been better if he snorted coke off this new chicks ass but beggars can't be choosers.

I feel a little bit betrayed at how they culminated Matt. Matt has always been, for lack of a better term, FUBAR'd (Fucked up beyond all recognition). I mean honestly this kid got his face pissed on by trannies, became a mime, started using meth all the while essentially having two fathers; this should be primed for some sort of colossal collapse. But no he sort of advertised his kid to get a woman that doesn't love him and that was that. Fuck you FX, Matt is the character you should have either continued to F up or killed off.

Julia was handled brilliantly. She's always been a flake so it seemed appropriate for her to just walk out of Sean and Christian's lives.

Liz Cruz was the most underappreciated, loyal employee I've ever seen. But things didn't seem to mesh well in the final episode for her. She became a partner and than that was pretty much it.

I guess I was overall disappointed in how it ended. For such an edgy show it ended sort of cookie cutter for me. The symbolism of Christian meeting this new Kimber-esque girl was nice although way too predictable. Matt, to me, is one of the most amazing characters on television with everything that goes wrong in his life and they just sort of gave him the metaphorical keys to a Bentley and let him ride off into the sun. The Jap that was in the final episode that died after a "monster orgasm" was a little corny because they tried to make it like that's what was happening to the McNamara/Troy partnership. Too cliché, you're better than that FX.

This show went on for 7 years. For the first 4 years this show was the shit, there was nothing better. When they brought in a midget whom tried and almost succeeded in taking Julia that's when it started getting a little awkward and it never fully recovered from that. When they moved out to Hollywood I thought it was going to bring new changes but it really didn't. I think for the last 3 years of the show I've only been an avid fan in hopes that it would somewhat return to form but that never really came to fruition, sort of like Shawn Kemp. They had me captivated with "The Carver" season (Season 2 for all of you that don't think I know my Nip/Tuck Shit), and I honestly thought at some point they would bring back Rhona Mitra because never has brutally maiming and killing been so utterly tantalizing.

But I will say that I have given 7 devoted years to you my friend and you will be sorely missed. We've had our ups and downs but you have always been a good person, bad influence, but a better friend there is none. Rest in Peace McNamara/Troy, you will live on vicariously through me as I go on a never ending Christian Troy-like rampage until I find a new program to cool my libido.

McNamara/Troy

July 22, 2003-March 3, 2010

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Yo Adrian

So with a weekend of no power because of a storm that cold-cocked us right in the kisser, I get re-acquainted with the internet only to find out that former teammate of Adrian Gonzalez, Jake Peavy, is lobbying hard for the first baseman to the White Sox front office. That's just a rumor, but you have got to be five-finger fucking me. I thought we were the only team that knew about Adrian Gonzalez, and that he is the type of player that you could build a franchise around. If the White Sox come at them with a pitching prospect or 2 and second year player Gordon Beckham and some other complimentary pieces, the Padres will have no choice but to say goodbye to their slugger. Shit, this doesn't sound good to me.

Ok, I realize that newspaper writers haven't necessarily had the best job in terms of job security lately but Brian MacPherson of the New Hampshire Union Leader put to print AND on his blog, that Dustin Pedroia should be moved out of his customary number 2-hole in the lineup into the number 3 slot to make room for the newly acquired Marco Scutaro. First off, after I stop laughing because it's evident that they will put ANYTHING in the paper, you need to realize what a number 3 hitter is. You're ALL-AROUND best hitter including Power, Average, and effectiveness. That is one of 2 players Youkilis or Martinez. I mean honestly, I admire that little pint-size Petunia but you want a guy in you're three hole that people will fear that you will take them deep (30+ HR minimum).

I realize that there are the times like in '08 when Pedroia hit clean-up and while he did an admirable job, over the long haul he's still not going to break 20 HRS in a season. Piss poor for a heart of the order guy, GREAT for a 2 hole.

The other reason that this seems to make NO sense whatsoever, is that if Brian knew anything about baseball he would realize that Terry Francona is all about balance. We have the ability on this team to go L-R-L almost all the way down the line. Terry Francona has said time and time again that not having two lefties back to back or two righties in sequential order is such a huge advantage when dealing with the opposition's bullpen. Here is what the lineup will look like Opening Day.

Ellsbury

Pedroia

Martinez

Youkilis

Ortiz

Beltre

Drew/Cameron

Cameron/Drew

Scutaro

Scutaro has said that he will hit anywhere as long as he's in the lineup, so he's your number 9 guy. Cameron and Drew become interchangeable depending on the pitcher (righty or lefty) and the fact that Drew thrived in the 8-hole doesn't hurt either. When facing a lefty you can peg JD into the 8-hole and when facing a righty he'll most likely hit 7^th.

C'mon man, New Hampshire is better than that drivel you're putting out there.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

All Century Team

I'm going to freely, and openly admit that I watch an unhealthy amount of MLBTV. Lately with the season not yet underway they have played a LOT of old World Series games and biopics of different players. But what caught my eye was all the "All-Century Team" coverage. It got me thinking, I'd like to make a roster, not a 25 man because the 25 man roster includes relievers but 20 man including all the positional players, a DH, 5 starters, a closer, a collective OF (not positional) and 5 Bench players. I'm not going to include "relievers" other than the closer because that is a relatively new practice and it just doesn't seem right. You've got to have a Backup catcher, and the right players in order to fill out your 5 man bench that you would actually need for a season. It's actually pretty difficult and fun, you should try it!

Starting Lineup-

1. SS- Ernie Banks
   
2. LF- Ted Williams
   
3. CF- Willie Mays
   
4. DH- Babe Ruth
   
5. RF-Mikey Mantle
   
6. 1B-Lou Gehrig
   
7. 3B-Mike Schmidt
   
8. C-Johnny Bench
   
9. 2B Rod Carew
   

Starting Staff-

1. Bob Gibson
   
2. Walter Johnson
   
3. Christy Matthewson
   
4. Pedro Martinez
   
5. Randy Johnson
   

Closer-

1. Mariano Rivera
   

Bench-

1. Albert Pujols
   
2. Hank Aaron
   
3. Carlton Fisk
   
4. Cal Ripken Jr
   
5. Stan Musial
   

Alright, look at it, study it, take it all in. OK let's dissect. Shortstop was between Banks, Ripken, and Wagner for me. But Banks gets the nod in the starting lineup because Ripken has the SS/3B versatility off the bench.

Is anyone going to honestly argue any of my starting Outfielders. You have "The Greatest Player That's Ever Lived" (Mays), "The White Willie" as we'll call him (Mantle), and "The Greatest Hitter That's Ever Lived" in Ted Williams, there is no debate.

Was there ANY other logical choice for DH? You say home run or baseball, and what do most people think? Babe Ruth.

It was a toss-up for me between Gehrig and Pujols. A lot of people may be saying how could you leave off Killebrew or McCovey. I'll say this, either of these two men could be in Pujols spot, but the kind of plate command that Albert has puts him ahead of them (batting avg. aside) for me, even if he doesn't have the stats (yet).

Mike Schmidt to me was the most complete third baseman in the history of the game. George Brett and Brooks Robinson are close seconds but there is no one better than Mike Schmidt.

When you think of catchers or on-field leaders the quintessential player for that description was Johnny Bench from his inception into the league. His backups were between Berra, Fisk, and Ivan Rodriguez. I want defensive catcher's here people so Mike Piazza doesn't make the cut.

Second baseman was Rod Carew, there is no debate on this.

If I want any one pitcher in history to start one game it's Bob Gibson. There's my ace. When a dirtbag like Ty Cobb (just missed getting on the list by the way) says he was "the most powerful arm ever to be let loose in a ball park" Walter Johnson HAS to be my number 2. Christy Matthewson although most people I know never saw him he was the real deal and my number 3. Can anyone name a more dominating pitcher than Pedro Martinez on the Red Sox and Expos, I mean this guy flat out, outclassed everyone. Randy Johnson is the scariest mother fucker to EVER step onto the mound and he has to be on my list. I'm taking a leap leaving off names like Ryan, Koufax, Clemens, Carlton, Spahn and Marichal but can you really lose with ANY of these guys?

Closer, one syllable, Mo. Good 'nuff?

The TRUE all time Homerun King just barely makes it onto the bench being interchangeable with Ted Williams for me. Albert is a Gold Glover at the corner along with being one of the greatest hitters of all time. Cal is the 2^nd coming of the Iron Man and was a tremendous defensive player at third and Short. Fisk has to be the second person I would let run my pitching staff behind Bench. Stan "The Man" is one of only 3 players in baseball history to have over 6000 total bases in a career (The others? Mays and Aaron).

There you have it folks…What does yours look like?

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Remodeling Isn’t Always Best

This may be slanderous, it may be heinous, it may be a slag that any self respecting Red Sox fan should NEVER make, but; I want a new ballpark.

I realize that most of you have stopped reading after that first sentence but check out my points here.

• Fenway is outdated- On a wet day you can see rats running along the walls to get to drier ground. Some of the obstructions are no longer "part of the game" with the newer architectural advances since the last turn of the century. Pillars in front of seats really should not play a part in your enjoyment of a baseball game yet they do, and instead of finally not having to add seats every year in order to accommodate more fans we could have a max capacity ball park to be proud of instead of a timeless yet dated classic.
  
• Revenue- I don't anticipate EVER bringing in as much revenue as does the team in the Bronx but look at what the Twins just did. Usually known as frugal spenders just increased their payroll to over 90 million just prior to moving into Target Field, and that's projected revenue, Imagine what this Red Sox marketing team could do.
  
• Essence- Fenway is one of the most revered sports venues in the World, and most people want to get that Fenway experience when they go to a ballpark. Easy. Look what the Yankees just did with their ballpark. It is a spitting image of the "old Yankee Stadium" except with more (expensive) seats and an overall nicer facility.
  
• Ease of access- Ya know, America is fat. Some people are complaining that some of the seats are not as "fan-friendly" as they could be. First off, I'll say eat a salad. Secondly, this could all be rectified with a new stadium and new revenue streams.
  

The Red Sox front office has come out and said that they put out a poll to see if Red Sox nation wanted a new stadium. And it was overwhelming that people did NOT. Well I for one never saw this poll, and if I did I would have gotten EVERY person I know to see it my way by Powerpoint presentation or good old fashioned blunt force trauma. But I am all for another poll to get this new arena for Red Sox Nation. I love you Fenway, you've done me well, but if we're getting rid of Lowell and his old body, you've dipped your last dip and spit your last seed.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Spring has Sprung

You better believe we're back in the baseball business baby. How bout that alliteration eh? Pitchers and Catchers have reported, and now all the position players are at the facility as well as well. You want optimism for a Sox fan in late February? How about Adrian Beltre droppin' head 5x in a row yesterday during BP. This guy is going to be a HUGE acquisition for the Red Sox this year, so much so that I think they could sign him to another contract in the offseason.

We do however have a couple-few quandaries entering camp.

• Mike Lowell- He is legit stuck between a rock and a hard place. Everyone knows he is going to be a consummate professional but how do the Red Sox distance themselves once again from the hometown discounted third sacker? Easy, You do essentially the same thing you did with Julio Lugo. Any prospect you get in return is a formality. The team your trading with knows that you have to get rid of him so you're paying at LEAST what you offered Texas (9-million of the 12-million he's supposed to make) and you're basically going to get damaged goods or a D+ level prospect in return. But in all honesty you don't need anything for a return its basically to save face when Lowell comes back and has a decent season for another team. You don't need anything for him because you have Adrian Beltre whom I'm guaranteeing hit's 30 round-trippers this season (you'll get the full predictions in about 2 weeks)
  
• 5^th spot in rotation- This is actually the 4^th and 5^th and it's an all out ball squeezing fight to the death between He Who Shall Not Be Named, Clay Buchholz and Tim Wakefield. He Who is coming off an injury and makes an ass-load of dough, Clay is the up and comer, and Tim feels he's entitled being the elder statesman. What to do? I realize that this won't be popular but if it were my team Clay would already have the 4^th spot LOCKED which means its between The Samurai and Father Time. I have to start Tim on the DL in this situation though. If Matsuzaka is proven healthy than he is the more viable option as a #5 starter on this team. That's not to say that Tim won't get his shots throughout the year but when you want to give all of the guys an extra day of rest Tim's your man you can do this every few weeks or so and also can split the bill in a double header along with fighting it out for the long man role with Boof Bonser. Sorry Timmeh, you're going to be 44 in August and your AARP card is probably going to be in your mailbox in May. It's been a good run.
  
• CF/LF conundrum- I need all the pink hats and Michael Holley to stand up and insert your foot into your mouths. It is 100% the right move to insert Jacoby Ellsbury into Left field when you have Mike Cameron on the team. He has played in 2 games in his career in Left field and Jacoby actually came up as a corner outfielder and eventually moved to Center. I understand the 40% of people that say 'why did we sign him in the first place' but the fact of the matter is, that he's here. Deal. I don't care that Ellsbury is younger than Cameron, Ellsbury's speed is the real reason that everyone thinks he's a good OF, when that's not all its cracked up to be. His arm is average to below average and will only be aided by playing left field in Fenway Park. Cameron has the stronger arm, the experience, and the hardware, it's his position Ellsbury can and will become a better CF in the future by watching Cameron do his thing.
  
• Revolving SS door- You'll note that I did NOT want the Red Sox to make a run at Marco Scutaro, and while I'm still not sold that he's going to put up the offensive numbers he did in '09 I think I was being a bit of a revisionist historian and am backing off my comments slightly. Historically SS has been a primarily defensive position despite the outliers (Banks, Jeter, Tejada etc) and Marco Scutaro is a plus defender. Being a baseball purist I should have said I don't care what he does offensively just don't boot the goddamn ball. And I think that's the outlook I'm going to have going forward. He is on The Back 9 in terms of his career and Jose "my hands are softer than Johnny Weir's" Iglesias is not just waiting in the wings but chomping at the bit. I realize that they've signed him for 2 years plus an option, but it would not AT ALL surprise me to see them have Scutaro be the SS for 2010 and provided that Iglesias has a good year in the Minors make Scutaro be the Super-Duper-Utility man for 2011 and hand over the reigns to the Next Ozzie Smith.
  
• Offensive Woes- People are worried that the offense has no pop. I'm not one of them. I think David Ortiz is going to have a much more productive year I'd the HR's and RBI's of last year are not unattainable but the avg will be closer to .270 than .240. Not having Varitek and Nick Green in the lineup every day will make a huge difference. And coupled with not watching Varitek kill every rally the Sox start you get a full season of Victor Martinez. 1-9 you don't have any easy outs this year, BIG improvement if you ask me.
  
• Stolen Bases- There are two schools of thought for the stolen base against. That it's the pitcher or the catcher. Last year it was both. Brad Penny had THE SLOWEST time to the plate and Varitek's pop-time to second base was ranked in the bottom 3 in the league. Beckett and Buchholz are Also very deliberate going home and EVERYONE runs on either Wakefield or Paul Byrd. That was hopefully alleviated with the signing of John Lackey. Not that he's quick to home, although he is light-years ahead of Penny, but not allowing as many runners on will nip that in the bud. Also V-Mart working an entire Spring Training with the living legend Gary Tuck will also help combat the horses.
  

I'll tell you, I really like this team.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Pseudo Rumblings

As most of you know 'Rumblings' usually inhabit Friday's blog. And while there will be a limited amount of bullet points for you're liking, you need to understand that these are the deepest, sometimes darkest, thoughts in my mind. And since I didn't think too much this week, that makes for a very difficult blog post. So I figured afterwards, because I can't leave you with slop, I'll dissect the Tiger Interview. Good nuff? Shall we?

• So, Dante Stallworth has a job. And surprise, surprise, he is now with another murder, Ray Lewis. Rampant Ravens, anyone?
  
• I'm going to call out Simon Cowell and the rest of the American Idol Judges. They made a mistake. Shelby Dressel should have been in the 'Top 24'. Not only should she have been there because of her voice but Sex Sells suckas, and she's got my libido goin.
  
• I've decided that if you start ANY sentence with "Bitches be…" and then insert any verb or adjective it's hilarious. Bitches be shoppin' ala Dave Chappelle works great. Bitches be frontin' is one of my personal favorites. Try it out let me know what you come up with.
  
• As for 90's Show of the Week- I'm going to go with, Salute Your Shorts for only because I saw a movie that had "Donkey Lips" in it the other day. Camp Onawanna I've always had you in my heart.
  
• We're going to go with Anna Paquin for this week's Bombshell. I'd comment on her but I really need to clean up the mess that my uh, dog made. Yeah that my dog made. She's come a long way since Fly Away Home.
  

So I listened to the Tiger interview and I was for the most part impressed. He didn't deflect any blame whatsoever and genuinely acted with contrition when apologizing to his wife. There were a couple parts I don't believe for a second however:

"We have never had any domestic violence in our relationship"- Ahhh, the oldest trick in the book. Come to the defense of your wife so she doesn't wallop you with a 2^nd dose of nine iron. Well played. There is not a snowball's chance in hell that you look like that much shit and she didn't de-face your ass with that club. But I have to applaud the effort. Keep living the dream. As a small aside…check this picture. She rocked his shit, look under his nose, that scar didn't create itself. Honestly if you found out your significant other was popping other women like they were Skittles {insert 'Taste the Rainbow' joke here} not to mention unprotected, I'd go ape shit too. He should be lucky she didn't pull out a driver.

"I'm Buddhist"- Well fuck me sideways! That's what I needed to know! You're Buddhist, that explains everything. Give me a friggin break. I'm not sure about why anyone needed to know about how you were raised. Your discretions were clearly based on your fame now and I don't give a shit how Wing Wong Woods (his mother) raised him. If you want to go back to Shady Acres or whatever the hell the name of that Sex rehab place is go ahead…honestly I do not believe in sexual addiction; it's called evolution. Every guy is programmed to slay bitches, if you know what I mean. But when you're married you need to teach yourself to hone it in, if we can call it that. So honestly instead of going and throwing it in 7 hookers in a 45 minute period go cuff you're carrot until you go blind. Difficult to say when you have the means to have someone do it for you but honestly man.

Other than those two points I thought everything else was genuine. The anguish (not the scar) on his face looked real. And the anger he showed when addressing PED's, his kids, his wife and his mother seemed authentic as well. That's what I gathered but I'm also the same person that thought Rafael Palmiero was hands down telling the truth in front of Congress. Meh, that worked out well too eh?

Stay Tuned

Ryan