Thank You’s and Correspondence

Ladies, and Gentlemen I'd like to introduce to you the Toronto Blue Jays. I would like to thank them for not showing up for the majority of the three game set in Beantown. I would also like to thank JP Ricciardi for getting rid of one of the more notorious Red Sox killers in their lineup, one Alex Rios. Also a big shout out to the GM for getting rid of the gold glover Scott Rolen and replacing him with Edwin Encarnacion. The biggest thank you of course goes to Roy Halladay whom upon not being traded is doing his best Carl Pavano impression in the history of Carl Pavano impressions. Get used to it Toronto fans, unless someone trades you a dearth of talent for Halladay in the offseason (this should happen) you're going to look a lot like These Guys.

And the ESPY goes to: Paul Byrd. For being the most goofy looking pitcher who tops out at speeds The Slowsky's would be proud to call their own. For some strange, otherworldly reason Paul Byrd outdueled the previously, highly coveted Roy Halladay for 6 innings giving up no runs en route to the 7-0 shellacking of the team from North of the Border. But let's not get too excited here. Yes we slapped around one of the Top 3 pitchers in Baseball, Yes we pulled out a rain saturated Friday night affair with the help of Varitek's foot of thunder, and Yes we pulled out a Saturday night affair that showed we may potentially have a 3^rd slot in our rotation solidified, but this is a team we should not only beat; but beat handily.

The Billy Wagner Era, couldn't have started much better, slicing through the Toronto order striking out the side. The only downside to this is that he will ONLY be available every third day. Providing we get into the playoffs, this could prove problematic. That means we can use him 2x in a 5 game series and MAYBE 3x in a 7 gamer. While you may think that that's ok, that leaves us STILL with one lefty in the bullpen for those other days. But boy, can this 38-year-old kid throw.

Inevitably we will be facing the Angels in the first round of the playoffs, if we are so fortunate as to make it that far. The perennial WildCard matchup just had a little fuel added to the fire with the Angels acquiring Scott Kazmir for a few minor leaguers. This could prove to be the equalizer in the post season for a pitching staff that has been mediocre at best this year. Scott Kazmir is still 26. He could regain his form of 2004-2006 and really wreak havoc on our Boston lineup. I'm going on record saying I DO NOT LIKE THIS MOVE, with regards to the Red Sox. Something in my stomach is telling me that this is not going to end well for us, but that could also be the chili that I ate this weekend so if you're waiting on which one it turns out to be, you should probably catch me on Twitter.

Have to love the voluntary correspondence report given to me to sum up He Who Shall Not Be Named's outing in the good ole Granite State. It goes as follows:

"So you should probably put this into your blog." Normally when I hear this I think that it's something will DEFINITELY not go into the blog but I was intrigued.

"He sucks! During the first inning, he got lit up for a homer the first batter of the game and 4 other runs. He couldn't find the strike zone if they handed it to him."

Well, there you have it folks. That's you're 103million dollar man. Upon further review I found that he threw 49 pitches in the 1^st inning. Just a quick tidbit: Zack Greinke was at 49 pitches in the 5^th inning on Sunday. The enigma lived on in the second inning where he retired the side on 9 pitches. Ugh. If he is going to be our savior, I think I'll follow Judas.

As I said on my Twitter I have finally come to the realization that this season much like 2007 will not be a Cy Young Year for Josh Beckett, Even if he throws 4, 9 inning shutout performances the rest of the way, Zack Greinke has that award on lockdown. Bob Gibson should just walk up to him and in his calm jazzy voice say, "Welcome, this is what being f*cking amazing is like."

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Nice Guys Finish Last

The only thank you that I have to throw out there after last nights' batting practice, I mean Sox game, is to Nick Green. This Jack-of-all-Trades goes out to the mound and fires aspirin up there touching 90 on 2 occasions in a 2 inning stint that left the wiseasses like myself wondering if Papelbon now has two competitors for the Closer role. Papelbon has put himself in much more white knuckled situations than those this year. The one comedic thing from Nick Green out on the mound was the ball that he snared to end the ninth and threw the ball at some speed hovering around Mach 5 to Casey Kotchman at first base.

I'm not sure about you all but I love watching the Little League World Series. Something about kids playing for the love of the game and pride of their state/country really makes me get the warm and fuzzies. But I have to admit, watching what Orel and Musburger refer to as sportsmanship makes me want to rip my testicles off and beat someone over the head with them.

When you are in the throes of an intense, possible season ending baseball game, you don't walk over and give the opposition "high-fives" after you knock out their ace, or the other team starts mounting a comeback and ties the game with one inning left. That is not "sportsmanship". That is precisely what's wrong with the youth athletic systems in America. There is no fire left, no cut throat attitude that people need to survive in this world. Right now, Ty Cobb is rolling over in his grave, and probably still sharpening his cleats to puncture the next 2^nd baseman that gets in the way of the bag. I'm not saying this is why they lost, but jesus it sure didn't help the cause.

The kids that are forced to listen to this drivel, are the ones that get F*CKED when it comes time for things that they want. They want to go to a top flight school to play baseball? Nope, there's someone out there that decided breaking up the double play was more advantageous than just getting out of the way for fear of injuring the other player. Want to go to the Majors'? Nope, someone decided that they didn't want to NOT keep score in Little League and therefore works that much harder to beat EVERYONE at EVERYTHING. Want a promotion at work? Nope, someone knows that it's not about making friends at some point it's about quality of work and if it means that you have to bypass everyone else to make yourself stand out then so be it.

This is so infuriating to someone such as myself. I am someone that busted my ass off to make Varsity as a Freshman in High School. I am someone that with a fever over 102^o I went out and caught 12 bullpens and took an extended batting practice in order to try and get onto a farm team for the Boston Red Sox. I didn't have time to shake someone's hand or congratulate them on doing something good out there. The second I did that was the second someone was going to put my d*ck in the dirt for showing any sign of mental weakness. If you want to make it in baseball you have to be hardnosed at some point. If you want to be successful in life you are going to need to ruffle some feathers.

I'm all for players having fun, and playing the game of baseball for love of the game, but when you're on the big stage (and let's face it, it doesn't get bigger than Howard J Lamade, in Little League) You need to have that fire in your belly and that cut throat attitude. Did you see Tim Wakefield walk up to Aaron F*cking Boone in 2003 after that crushing homerun and say, "Gee Golly your really hit the piss out of that one." No you didn't. I'm pretty sure that when Mitch Williams gave up that gopher ball to end the 1993 World Series he didn't run along side Joe Carter and congratulate him on his upcoming ring ceremony.

I realize that we are supposed to teach our kids to play fair, but there comes a point where if we don't teach them to have the competitive juices flowing that they will never learn how to deal with adversity or thrive under pressure. After all, Nice Guys Finish Last.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

The Large Father Delivers

On a night where nostalgia was filling the air, none of it was more glaring than the laser show that David Ortiz put on. But first, there was this pitcher who hobbled around like Smee from Peter Pan, whom absolutely dealt on Wednesday. Tim Wakefield came out of the gate not just on fire, but being able to harness his knuckleball in a Zeusian manner making the White Sox look foolish. I forgot what it was like to have a number 3 starter that could consistently win games. Traditionally, Wakefield has been left off the post season rosters, or not received any playing time except for mop up duty. But how can you keep a guy who's going to go 15-4 (projected) on the Bench. You can't. Impressive, Timmah, Very Impressive.

Every time David Ortiz hits a walk off he's essentially saying, "No traiga esa mierda aquí." Or for you less than bilingual readers, "Don't bring that shit in here." That was never more apparent than last night when he pissed all over the offering from Tony Pena DEEP into the Boston Night, prompting a massive dog pile and Dustin Pedroia slapping his ass so hard it's as if the Large Father was his horse on the last leg of the Kentucky Derby. After the abysmal start to the season that Papi had, did anyone think that he would end up with over 25 HRs and flirting with 100 RBIs? Is it just me or when David Ortiz is swinging the bat well ALL is right in Red Sox nation, who are now 19-2 when he hits a home run…ASTOUNDING.

This just in: Daniel Bard throws absolute Piss Missiles on the mound. Clearly, the Rook was feelin' good last night, coming out hot, throwin' 100mph on his first pitch and simply making the White Sox look like Jon Heder's character in "The Benchwarmers." His last pitch topping out at 101, is just his way of saying, "You and your 500+ HR country ass can take a seat. Thanks."

Looks like I took some flak from the Tek Army after the semi-pointed comments about our beloved sure out, I mean Captain. Don't get me wrong I love Jason, but when the ONLY thing you bring to a game is pitch calling, it's time to move on. Oh who called that shit sandwich of a game against the Yanks' on Sunday? Varitek? Oops Freudian slip. He is more than 25% below his CAREER average for throwing out baserunners. Even if we take Brad "slower than the onset of Alzheimer's to the plate" Penny out of the equation he's still 15% away from his career average. His days as an everyday catcher are OVER. Oops another Freudian slip. Tek, thanks for the memories, the no-no's and the 8^th inning, rally killing pop-ups the last two years but do yourself a favor and save face and hang it up after this year. (Love to hear the comments to this one too, 'anonymous'.)

Does anyone else love the trade we made for Vintage Nomar, oh wait that's Alex Gonzalez? We were supposed to be getting a sure handed shortstop instead we're getting the second coming of Ernie Banks. MOST hitters, Jeremy Giambi and Darren Lewis not withstanding, hit better with that wall out there and Gonzalez looks pretty damn comfortable in Fenway in his sophomore season. Green will probably sign on with some form of the San Diego Padres or something of that sort, and we can finally use Lowrie in the role that he was built for, SUPER-UTILITY. Now, Do we bring Gonzo back this time? Gotta think yes, unless a major trade happens in the offseason.

As always love to hear your thoughts in the comments section.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Sox Brass, Earning Their Keep.

Yes, we got Victor Martinez at the deadline, and he has been nothing short of Harmon Killebrew for 4 weeks. But let's face it this team was far from perfect even AFTER the acquisition of the switch hitting catcher. Since the July 31^st trade deadline the Red Sox front office has been about as busy as Jenna Jameson at a Ron Jeremy house party. We needed a shortstop, we called up A-Gon, and since Theo's phone call he has been hitting everything this side of the Mississippi. We needed to get rid of John Wasdin, I mean John Smoltz, See ya later. We needed a power lefty in the bullpen, Enter (original) Sandman. I don't know if we'll win the World Series, Hell I don't even for sure know we'll make the playoffs. All I know is that it won't be for lack of effort. We are putting together the best team out on the field (yes Jason, that means you'll be plopping your thunder thighs right beside Millsie) and we're going to make a run for this thing.

Let's face it. From here on out, WHENEVER Jon Lester and Josh Beckett start you HAVE TO WIN. It's not a question Sox Nation, I'm telling you. Jon Lester once again turned in a quality outing going 6 2/3 giving up 3 runs. But it was almost all for naught until Victor Martinez whom was begging Terry Francona to play him yesterday stepped into the batters' box in replace of Jason Varitek. Here's the first brainbuster of the day: WHAT THE F*** is Jason Varitek doing playing? I mean honestly I'm done with the calling a good game bullsh*t we need offense. And the last time I checked Victor Martinez has caught MORE Cy Young award winners than Varitek has. Victor Martinez is making a bigger impact than I EVER thought he would and I am now realizing why he was so coveted even while Adrian Gonzalez was on the block.

Jason Bay. He is seemingly becoming almost as much of an enigma as JD Drew. He slumps for a legit two months, and is coming back for the playoff run? Ok, I'll bite. We'll just pretend you were on Maternity Leave for the better part of two months and now you're coming back and hopefully earning your keep. If you want a bigger payday than Holliday you better start raping baseballs, all I'm gonna say.

So the ka-nuckleballer is back on the hill tonight for the first time since before the ASB and I for one am PUMPED. Only question I have is where they are going to put his Vespa in case he needs to cover first?

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Crunch Time

It's the home stretch, and every start counts. For a young man to earn a spot in the rotation come October, he's going to have to pitch a lot better than 4 2/3IP 7 runs. Especially with pitchers Tim Wakefield (starts Wednesday) and He Who Shall Not Be Named mounting the comeback trail he's going to need to pitch his ass off to cement his turn every fifth day. Normally Terry Francona shies away from using Wakefield in the playoffs but if he's healthy you have to think that he's going to start him this year. Clay Buchholz for all intents and purposes is a very good pitcher with 3 + pitches, but if he doesn't get rid of that awestruck look every time he gives up a bloop single he's going to amount to nothing.

Could the 2009 version of Mike Lowell be any more of a feel good story. After watching him drag his hind quarters around like Igor in the playoffs last year for him to have this kind of success speaks volumes of his character and his determination as a ball player and a human being. Seeing him hit that Ruthian blast last night was a sight to behold. I noticed a dent in my car up here in the good ole state of New Hampshire that I'm almost positive was the remnants of the ball he just uncovered. Is his range what it was? Absolutely not. However the doctors have told him that he will only get better with rest. There is a strong possibility that next year (for whatever team he's playing for) absolutely rakes and is a cog in the middle of their lineup.

Jose Contreras, prior to the 2003 season was coveted by the Theo Regime but ultimately signed with those guys down the road a ways for more money. (I think you know who I'm talking about.) Although he signed with the Yankees that year, is anyone else of the feeling that Theo secretly give him an annuity every time he pitches against the Red Sox at Fenway Park? I think you'll be hard-pressed to find ANY other pitcher that has pitched worse at a certain stadium. That error in the midst of that 6 run rally is completely indicative of his career in Fenway Park.

Looks like No Billy Wagner for the Boston 9. He has invoked his "No-Trade" clause, because the Red Sox didn't promise to not offer him Salary arbitration. Anyone want to hear why I think we would go after Billy Wagner, whom has made it abundantly clear that he wants to close? An insurance policy. Jonathan Papelbon, the last 3 seasons, has seen his base on balls increase, strikeouts decrease, and innings pitched decline. By signing Billy Wagner, who seems to still have something left in the tank, he would serve as an experienced closer in a big market if Daniel "The Heir" Bard should falter.

Apropos of Nothing:

1. The White Sox, should be winning their division by 4 games right now with their lineup but are underachieving like Jeff Spicoli.
   
2. The NL West is turning into a dogfight, and wouldn't it be something to see the Dodgers miss out on the playoffs altogether?
   
3. I'm starting to think that JP Ricciardi made the right decision not pulling the trigger on the Halladay trade after seeing Buchholz's inconsistencies and Bowden's inability to get AN out.
   
4. The Yankees are RUNNING AWAY with the AL East, But am I alone in thinking that the Red Sox will do VERY well against them in the Playoffs?
   
5. Varitek needs to catch once per week. BOTTOM LINE
   
6. I love paying 15 mil a year for a number 8 hitter, atleast he's earning his money down there.
   

Stay Tuned

Ryan

In a word: SHITUPON

So, How bout them Red Sox? I clearly saw that playing out differently in my mind. Let's get to it.

Brad Penny. Why is it that you feel the need to take a stick and shove it up the collective asses of Red Sox Nation? The bigger question is why is it that someone that can reach speed up to 97 and 98 with a fastball can't get major league hitters out? Here's why…BECAUSE THAT'S ALL HE THROWS. His feeble attempts at curveballs are something left to be desired. They are never thrown for a strike or even look like they are going to be strikes for that matter. He could get away with a sub-par curve if he could locate it every once in a while or make them appear to be strikes and then have them fall off the table. He dabbled in throwing a slider but that worked out as well as Obama's healthcare reform. He doesn't have a changeup, so keeping hitters honest with something off speed is out of the question. And he doesn't have a sinker (2-seam fastball). Which leads me to my next question, how did you get to the big leagues with one pitch? Are you Mariano Rivera? Henry Rowengartner anyone? The Yankees absolutely abused this one trick pony, and rightfully so. I don't care how hard you throw in the big leagues, if you don't have any compliments to your gas, you're going to get SHITUPON.

The one bright spot on an oh so dark shit storm of a night Friday was the offense. Putting up 11 runs and really clicking on all cylinders. For crying out loud, they were the 2^nd highest scoring offense in the Majors on Friday night! Only unfortunate thing is the Yankees' was 1^st.

For all of my avid readers, you know the deep seeded "bromance" that I've been professing for Junichi Tazawa but I think I, perhaps, didn't give him as much credit as he deserved. He gave the Red Sox EXACTLY what they needed Saturday afternoon. A quality start. And he stifled the juggernaut that is the New York Yankees. He threw six phenomenal innings, while giving up no runs and really keeping hitters guessing. As evidenced by standing Alex Rodriguez up on back-to-back yackers to end a Yankee Rally in the 4^th. Kudos Junichi-san there is a widening spot for you in this rotation with the much needed usurping of Brad Penny's turn in the rotation by the Ageless Wonder himself, Timmah!

How about the bitch-slap the Red Sox offense threw back in the Yankees' face on Saturday? In a classic case of "na-na-na boo boo," AJ Burnett was left to wonder aloud why he was throwing such pitches and it was quite funny as a Red Sox fan for him to go through such Hamlet-esque tribulations on the mound. I'm also going to give a huge standing ovation (verbally) to Kevin Youkilis, whose dear friend and former teammate in the Red Sox farm system, Greg Montalbano, passed away at the age of 31, finally succumbing to his Cancer. Youkilis put GM's initials on his hat and promptly went out and hit two bombs not to mention a double, and had an all around lights out game for his friend. Afterwards, saying, "That was for him." Well-Played Youkka.

This brings us to the Pitchers' duel that I have been clamoring about for going on 6 days or so now. Figuring that Beckett just had a not so Beckett like start up in Canada I assumed he was primed to strap the team on his back and will us to victory. Fail. From the get-go he didn't have it. To be fair, CC wasn't on top of his game either. Clearly shown by giving up a hit to Jason Varitek. (Interesting stat the other night. Jamie Moyer recorded two hits the other nights which at the time was one less than Varitek had on the MONTH OF AUGUST, yeesh.) I'm going to say that ANY pitcher that gives up a hit to him for the rest of the year is having an off game. Even if he twirls a one hitter and that one hit was yielded by "dying quail" to Jason Varitek, he was clearly not throwing well.

In other news, John Smoltz threw 5 scoreless innings while striking out 9, yes I said 9, Padres. To be fair, the Chula Vista Little League team (filthy by the way) could probably beat the Padres. But boy does that speak volumes on how different the 2 leagues are. Great work pitching to the JV Smoltz.

The Red Sox have put in a waiver claim for Billy Wagner. Now this gets me giddy. We need a power lefty. He could bring the same thing that Alan Embree brought us in the '03-'04 playoff runs. This move doesn't come without criticism from the widely stupid, I mean recognized, Jonathan Papelbon. Stupid comment after stupid comment comes out of his mouth saying things like, "what has he done this year" and "I don't know if we have room for him." OK, Paps, I realize that you've been one of the elite closers for the last 4 years, but this guy has been doing it since the mid 90's. You need to shut your mouth and add a lefty to the bullpen which CLEARLY gives you another weapon of versatility. If that means getting rid of Takashi Saito, then so be it. A lefty could be exactly what this team needs.

At least the Rays Dismantled the Rangers for 2 out of 3 over the weekend. Any pressing issues you all see about the Nation? Let me know and I'll gladly tell you what I think.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

Sweep Caroline

Tell me this lineup didn't give you chills when you saw it. You have Lefty, Righty going all the way 1-9, JD Drew in the 8 hole, and you take every bit of pressure off of Alex Gonzalez so that any hit he gives you is like waking up by reach around. Sorry, oh glorious captain, tis a far far better place when you're on the pine.

On a night where the offense shined, nothing overshadowed 8 outstanding innings by my favorite player and resident southpaw Jon Lester. He was lucky in the first after getting runners on 2^nd and 3^rd with no one else but then pitched out of it only giving up one run and limiting the damage and giving up NOTHING the rest of the way. It didn't seem like a dominant start even though for the last 6 innings of his outing he fast the minimum 3 batters per inning in each frame. But win number 10 has been elusive now for almost a month, and the 1-2 punch is now both in the double digits ready to kick ass and take names in the playoffs.

THIS JUST IN: WHEN JD DREW ISN'T EATING BON BONS AND PAINTING HIS TOENAILS he has the capability to go 4-4 2HRs 3RBI's. Not bad for a paraplegic right fielder who I swear is the second coming of Rupaul some days.

While the sweep is nice and has put them back atop the AL Wildcard, we mustn't forget that this is the TORONTO BLUE JAYS people! The only day they are good is when Roy Halladay is pitching. There were at least 2 errors off the top of my head that lead to runs and essential "nails in the coffin" throughout this series. Wins are wins but we have bigger fish to fry. Insert: New York Yankees.

This series is pivotal. While no one is expecting a sweep from EITHER side here's what I predict is going to happen. Brad Penny vs. Andy Pettite is going to be a slugfest. But "The Fens" is always kind to the Red Sox in those games and I have to believe that we will win that one. Saturday's matchup seems about as lopsided as War Admiral vs. Seabiscuit, with Junichi Tazawa being "the biscuit." Burnett, his last two outings against the Sox, has been nothing short of spectacular giving up less than 5 hits in the two starts combined. I love me some Tazawa-san but I don't think we're skating through scot-free on that one. SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY. The matchup that I've wanted to see ALL YEAR. Josh Beckett vs. CC Sabathia, Sunday Night Game, Nationally Televised, and all the eyes will be on the aces. This will be the rubber match of the series and I suspect that this will be one of those games for the ages. (ie. Derek Jeter jumping in the stands, Big Papi in the 2004 ALCS, 2009 Youkilis walk-off, 2009 A-Rod Walkoff) This game is going to be nothing short of magical and you can bet that the Red Sox will win this game by a score of 2-1 after CC and Beckett throw 8 innings of 1 run baseball. Red Sox will win it in the 9^th. Believe that!

So let's go through the checklist for tonights game:

42'' plasma…check

Beer…Getting it this afternoon.

Snacks…you betchya

Remote…ALWAYS IN HAND

Duct Tape for the wife…psh she knows better than to talk with the Yanks are in town. (Or when Heidi Watney's on the tube for that matter)

What does this mean?

Time To Sack-Up Sox fans and get back in this division!!!

Stay Tuned

Ryan