April Showers Bring May Power

Just when you thought it was safe to write the Red Sox off. They turn in essentially a weeks' worth of DOMINATING starting performances, John Lackey Aside, and win 5 of their last 6 to put them only 2.5 games out of a wildcard spot. I realize that May hasn't even ended yet but Tampa looks to be on a collision course with Destiny to win the AL East, so I think the Wildcard would be a solid goal at this point.

Who was this Daisuke Matsuzaka guy that pitched on Saturday, and when did we sign him. I remember this other Japanese guy that every fifth day sort of Rollie-Pollied his way out to the mound for about 3 and 2/3 innings and after 700 pitches he'd call it a day. But whomever this guy was. I like him. No I don't just like him I respect him. The real question though is what to do behind the plate when MatsuWalka starts. The splits between the two catchers per start is downright scary. Dice-K's ERA is under 1 when Varitek catches him and over 7 when Martinez catches him. Francona won't put a stamp on "personal catchers" but what other choice does he have at this point? Every time Varitek catches him all of his pitches seem to have extra life, bite, and break and he dominates teams. We almost have no choice but to get the most out of what I was/am almost ready to call a bust. But if he can turn this season into a respectable 15-win affair, I have no choice but to call it a success thus far and last season was an aberration.

Tim, Timmy, Timmah, who's got the keys to my Beamah? I'm not going to lie I went in thinking we had to take the first two games of the Philadelphia series because I was saying there is absolutely no way Shakey Wakey was going to out duel Doc, but holy Christ did Wakefield just teabag the shit out of the Phillies lineup yesterday. 8 MASTERFUL innings. I honestly thought he was too old to get out there and walk up the dugout steps 8 times a game let alone pitch that well. So this is pitching depth eh? I like it a lot *said in my Bruce Almighty voice*.

Remember how I said that the Yankees would finally show their age? Bitch what's up now. They are in a horrible tailspin lately with Posada out over a month, Rivera was banged up but he's back to being immortal, Jeter is struggling for the first time in YEARS at the plate. And Pettite is VERY hittable despite his sterling numbers. Teixeira isn't hitting, and now fortunately for the Sox, he's pressing. He's trying to swing too hard to hit 6 home runs with one swing and its killing him every time. The Best player on their team right now is Robinson Cano, whom I ever so slyly picked to win the AL Batting Title, and that's not good since he's your 9^th highest paid player. They are going to fall and it could be soon, since the rest of the league is starting to figure out CC. Burnett is hit or miss and will be until he starts losing velocity. He'll go out there with no-hit capability every time he steps out on the mound but when you get to him you'll get to him hard. Phil Hughes however has finally lived up to the hype that was surrounding him for the better part of 5 years. He's dominating out on the mound and he's pitching like the ace of the staff.

We now end our tumultuous 13 game stretch of playing all playoff caliber/Division leading teams with the Rays before our schedule lightens up immensely and we can really get back into this division. But we're going to go out there with Buchholz Lester and Lackey. Our 3 best pitchers all things considered thus far and if we can take 2 out of 3, we will be in phenomenal shape. We would have gone 8-5 in our most difficult stretch of the season and that's pretty impressive considering the quality of opponents that we played in the last 2 weeks. And I'm back on the Wildcard Bandwagon.

Stay Tuned

Ryan

This Bathroom Has Serious Issues

Ok for everyone that has read this blog you know about the serious problem I have with people not knowing bathroom etiquette. When I say "bathroom etiquette" I mean go in there, pull out your shmeckle or drop your dockers and do your business and get the fuck out. There are no pleasantries needed in a bathroom because for the most part everything that happens in the facilities isn't all that pleasant. I like to think of the bathroom in the same way some douche bag would treat his women: Get in, Get off, Get out. Obviously I don't mean go into the bathroom and pull pud, but get in there and Nike man, just do it.

So today's excursion sort of starts like any other day. I'm sitting at my desk when the sensation arises that I need to use 'the Loo'. Hindsight being 20/20 that was just the beginning of my problems. I make the long arduous trip outside the office and open the bathroom door. I walk in to some cock block staring at me with a smile reminiscent of Jack Nicholson in Batman. As alarming, and awkward as this is what happens next was simply mortifying. He looked at me while holding his sausage and gave me a wave that some guy on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy would do when the designer walks in. Ya know a sort of, "TootleLoo". I mean I wanted to slap the fabulous right out of this guy just for acknowledging my presence in a bathroom but you're going to do that. I'm all for pretending to act all Ross from Friends (If he's not gay, he should be) when I'm in my inner circle just because it funny but this guy took it up a notch. I may be reaching in saying this guy wasn't retarded but it's only because he had a Bluetooth on bigger than most cucumbers. So, I might be going out on a limb when I say I doubt this guy has Downs' or Aspbergers. So what exactly was this guys deal?

So now, completely flabbergasted, I go into my stall. I'm doing what I set out to do and this guy walks in and starts hocking a loogie. This is not some regular "hock-tuey" this is as if he's trying to get an anvil from his esophagus and then after about 10 seconds of hocking you just hear this massive thud like you dropped a ten pound weight on a hollow floor. And I broke my vow of silence, essentially rule number 1, and dropped a, "are you fucking kidding me". The guy just chortled. I say chortled because he sounded like a fat guy. And doesn't 'chortled' just sound like something a fat guy would do?

Just so that I don't get my nuts cut off I realize that I've been lax when it has came to posting of late, but I really don't see the need to reiterate the fact that the Sox are playing more like a 7 year old, girls, Special Ed softball team more than need be. But I'm going to see Joe Mauer on Wednesday. I'm not going to see the Red Sox. I'm going to see Joe Mauer and the Twins because despite a non-ace on the team they still play the shit out of the game. But here's my dilemma. Last year I had tickets to see the Rays for Opening Day but I had taken the day off ahead of time so this game had to be played that day. On the way down on the train I check my phone and the goddamn Boston Globe has OPENING DAY CANCELLED, all over the front page. Now the weather this week is by and large optimistic, except for the one friggin day that I have tickets for the Red Sox. There's a 50% chance of showers and every other day doesn't even say so much as partly cloudy. You gotta be five finger, finger-blasting me. Ugh.

But in case you wanted the wisdom of one blogger what do the Sox need to do to win. There are a few things.

• Get Ellsbury and Cameron back in the lineup because running out Darnell McDonald, Bill Hall and Jonathan Van Every is really exposing the Red Sox. Because McDonald crushes fastballs but can't hit offspeed if he knew it was coming (which he clearly doesn't), as for Bill Hall there's a reason that the Brewers cut bait with him and Van Every is nothing more than a 9^th inning pinch runner especially in the AL East. Bill Hall while versatile is such a liability with his bat that ANY call up would be better as long as they can play infield short and 3B.
  
• The Scott Schoenweis Experiment has been an abomination. He has no life on his fastball, no break on his breaking pitches and looks like a little leaguer with Babe Ruth at the plate every time he humps the rubber. Call up a minor leaguer. I don't care which one, they couldn't be any worse than Schoenweis is.
  
• Very soon, teams will either come down to earth or fall out of contention. Something has to be done…This team needs a 3 and a 5 hitter. Victor Martinez is doing his best Ortiz impression and he looks like a mess at the plate. I don't know who you can get…but you need to get people to produce.
  
• The DH situation needs to be rectified. Pick one. And get rid of the other one. Ortiz is hot now and is getting around on balls he wasn't just 2 weeks ago. It doesn't matter what you get back for either player you need to get rid of one because it is painstakingly obvious that it's causing a nuisance in the clubhouse. Honestly I'd like to get rid of both of them. But I don't' think there's any way you eat 24 million dollars for one year.
  
• This run prevention thing is a great theory. But this group of players, hasn't made it happen. Don't believe me…check out these stats…it's frightening.
  

If these things get rectified the team will make a run. If they don't you're looking at an 82 win team…let's see the sell out streak then…yikes.

Stay Tuned

Ryan